For Those Who Fear Output: The Power of 'Honest Words' I Learned in 3 Years on note

I received a '3rd Anniversary Badge' from note. It seems I created my account on June 16, 2022. It has been three years since I started using note.

That said, my first post was on October 1st of that same year, which means I left it sitting for three months after creating the account without writing anything.

At this juncture, I would like to look back a little at that time.

Timeline of Resignation and Starting note

May 2022: Submitted resignation letter
June 2022: Created note account
July 7, 2022: Final day at the office
August 31, 2022: Official resignation date
October 1, 2022: First note post

Since then, starting with a 180-day consecutive posting streak over six months, I have gone on to write 600 articles, but this was the beginning of my life as a note writer.

This was a period of a major life event: resigning from a company where I had worked for 27 years. My father also passed away in March of that year, and I recall it being a turbulent year both publicly and privately.

Perhaps I was guided by something to start a social media platform that no one would be troubled by if I didn't use it, especially note, which was relatively minor at the time, during such a period.

My Slow Pace and the Background of Starting note

I used to be the type to spend time preparing before taking any action (that's in the past tense!).
That said, my initial speed of action is still not particularly fast. In fact, it took me three months from creating my note account to my first post.

The trigger was that I was a member of a Creation course (a self-improvement community) at the time, and I created the account to read articles written by a friend there.

In that community, 'outputting' was a key theme, and members were taking on various challenges, including Facebook posts exclusive to the community, YouTube videos, and Voicy audio broadcasts.

It was my first attempt at blogging, but text-based note seemed to be a good fit for me. I had found a place where I could write my 'true feelings' not just in closed posts, but in an open space.

Fear of Output

Within the community, many people said they were afraid of outputting. The main reasons were a lack of confidence in the content they created, anxiety about showing themselves, and fear of critical comments.

On the other hand, thankfully, due to the nature of my work which involved many opportunities to speak in front of people, I had developed a resistance to criticism.

When I posted materials on the company intranet as part of my duties or created and published my own explanatory videos, I naturally received not only praise but also negative feedback.

My style was to speak definitively without considering the other person's feelings, and if anything, it was on the power-harassment side. I was often on stage with a microphone, and as you can see, I spoke in a way that would crush employees from above. Since it was my duty and authority, it couldn't be helped, but I think I clearly abused it lol.

Naturally, feedback containing pushback and counterarguments would come in, so I would apologize sincerely if I had spoken rudely to someone. However, there was no falsehood in the content of what I said; I only presented the truth and its basis. And since it was a To-Do that needed to be executed, I remember leaving comments with no sign of remorse, saying, 'Just do it without complaining!'

A talented business professional is expected to act in a way that avoids conflict, sometimes even using lies or deception to keep things running smoothly.

However, as an honest business professional, I, Mako, reveal the truth without hiding anything, which means I end up sharing information that others might not want to hear. In many cases, I am disliked for it, but looking back, I think I managed to survive this long precisely because I never deceived anyone.

Even during my time as a corporate employee, there were many things I swallowed just to avoid making waves. Since retiring, I have been writing those 'honest thoughts I wanted to say' on Note to my heart's content.

Thanks to that, since retiring, I have been writing little by little while recalling those days as part of a business-themed magazine. Nowadays, they are all just funny stories, though.

My honest feelings poured into Note

A friend read my Note posts in chronological order, starting from my very first one. They once told me, 'Mako-san, your fluctuating feelings after retirement were very helpful to me.' It seems that to others, I appear to be full of confidence. In reality, I am not good at showing my weaknesses to people, so I am aware that I tend to act a bit tough.

However, on Note, I have honestly written about the anxieties and conflicts I don't show others. Since Note is ultimately for myself, it contains my feelings as I face my inner self.

When that friend themselves felt anxious after retiring, wondering, 'Is this really okay?', they told me they felt relieved knowing that even someone as confident as me experienced such instability and emotional fluctuation after retirement, realizing it is a path everyone goes through.

The reason I keep writing as I am

That friend told me that even on Note, they try to make themselves look cool and end up embellishing their writing, which makes the process painful. I, too, once tried to write about a 'cool version of myself' when I first started Note. I began writing in hopes of receiving praise for writing sophisticated prose.

However, in my second life, I decided to live by my own standards, face myself, and honestly do what I want to do, rather than living a life focused on being seen by others or comparing myself to them. Since then, I have been able to express my thoughts and emotions as they are on Note as well.

Because I am simply putting out what I naturally possess, I believe that is why I have been able to continue writing on Note for three years without running out of material.

Note is my 'warehouse of thoughts' and a 'record of my heart.' I will continue to leave behind my true self, without trying to look cool or decorating my words.

I looked back on three years ago and summarized it as a personal narrative. Thank you for reading.

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