Practicing Answering Questions with the Conclusion First

In the business world, it is common knowledge to start with the conclusion when answering questions. However, I feel that in everyday conversation, there are many people who do not easily start with the conclusion.

I have thought of two patterns for why this is. One is people who add roundabout analogies or long modifiers before answering YES or NO, or before stating their own opinion. The other is people who start talking about something else, get too far off track, and cannot return to the original topic.

I feel that a psychology of trying to avoid self-assertion as much as possible is at work in the background.

I realized this while talking to my mother.

She is already 84 years old, and I think it is fine for her to just live her life freely. However, when talking to her son (me), there are very many times when I don't know what she is talking about when we need to get things done.

I end up rushing her to get to the conclusion of the story. This is because there are too many cases where things won't move forward otherwise.

I always wonder if it wouldn't be better to say "yes" or "no" and then say what you want to say after that.

It is not just my mother; I think many Japanese people avoid stating conclusions clearly. Perhaps there is something unique to the Japanese language where you don't know what is being said until you hear the end of the sentence.

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I believe my mother has the inattentive type of ADHD. There is always hyperactivity going on in her head. It is not that her physical movements are hyperactive, but she thinks about various things in her head, so she is either spacing out, or when she starts talking, she impulsively says whatever comes to mind, resulting in rambling stories.

It is obvious that the symptom of being unable to do anything all day, which I have seen in articles related to mothers, also comes from this. (See article: Understandable from age 13! 7 Habits: Lessons to Change Yourself)

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My mother had seen me doing online English conversation at my parents' house many times. She also often joined my online sessions, saying she wanted to do it together.

Then the other day, she said that "talking to people is the best thing" for preventing aging, and she asked me if she could do online English conversation.

Oh, surprise! This is interesting.
Thinking it might make caring for my mother a little easier, I created a dedicated ID for her, set up a credit card, and started DMM Eikaiwa.

My mother's English conversation ability is at a beginner level, but it is at a level where a certain amount of conversation can be established. She is happily having free talk with a Filipino teacher.

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Now, there was a major benefit to starting these English conversation lessons. It is that the Filipino teacher tells her to state the conclusion first every time.

Can you understand?

There are only two answers to this.
Yes, I can.
No, I can not.

It is one or the other. Absolutely.

The absolute basics of English. For my mother, who can converse a little, it should be a level that is no problem at all. However, when asked "Can you understand?", my mother answers like this.

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(Although it is actually in English, if written in Japanese)

Teacher: Did you understand?

Mother: Your smile is very nice. Your voice is also beautiful. The teacher yesterday had a scary face, so the lesson was tough. But today, it feels very pleasant.

Teacher: I see, that's good. By the way, were you able to understand the phrase from earlier?

Mother: The male teacher mumbles and is hard to hear, and when he speaks fast, I don't know what he's saying. In that regard, your voice is loud and very good.

Teacher: Thank you. It sounds like yesterday's teacher was difficult. So, I'll ask again, were you able to understand the phrase?

Mother: Ah, the meaning of that phrase is such and such, right? In Japan, we also use such and such as an analogy lol. Also, such and such...

Teacher: Sorry to interrupt, but wait a moment. It seems you understood the phrase. But you know, the first thing you should say is 'Yes, I can.'Absolutely!

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Usually, 25 minutes end with just this kind of conversation. I listened to my mother's lessons from the side for several days in a row, and it's always like this. She is talking about how if she could speak English more smoothly, she could convey things through context without saying YES or NO.

However, since she is speaking English only at a word level and takes detours, as an English teacher, I have instructed her many times to 'answer first'.

Even in Japanese, the tendency to start talking about something else as if she didn't hear the other person's question, and then being unable to return to the original topic, is exactly the same in English.

Therefore, as a son, I am incredibly happy when the English teacher instructs her to 'please say YES or NO' lol.

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Besides that, when asked with 'Why', start with 'Because'. This has also been said a million times in the lessons.

After the lesson, my mother said out loud, 'If I'm asked with Why, I have to think of the reason next if I say Because first,' which is a super obvious thing. It's the same in Japanese, though. Heh heh, lucky!

I hope that through English conversation, she can acquire even a little bit of the conversational skill of speaking from the conclusion and not drifting off-topic.