When you let go of cost-benefit calculations, life becomes surprisingly easy

I believe that when you stop living based on cost-benefit calculations, life becomes much easier.

Today, I would like to think about that.

The exhaustion of living by winning and losing

When you stop living by cost-benefit calculations, life becomes much easier. Recently, I have been realizing this in more and more situations.

Back when I was a company employee, my evaluations and rewards depended on my boss and colleagues—in other words, the evaluations of others—so I couldn't help but be conscious of "comparisons" and "winning or losing." But now, three years after taking early retirement and starting my second life, I feel like I have finally been freed from the curse of comparison.

I have come to feel this objectively because I have noticed that many of the people I interact with are very concerned about what others think, constantly compare themselves to others, and live their lives based on cost-benefit calculations.

Whether it's winning or losing,
whether it's a loss or a gain.

Many people feel like they have lost when someone else wins, and many feel like they have suffered a loss when someone else gains something.

I think many people mistake someone else's success for their own "defeat" and feel that someone else's gain is "their own loss."

For example, when you see a post on social media saying, "I bought this at a great price during a campaign!", you feel like "I lost out." Or, seeing a classmate get a promotion or succeed in changing jobs makes you think, "I lost."

But in the first place, you aren't even in a competition. You aren't even on the same playing field, and you aren't in a race, are you? Since the rules and goals are different, why do you need to blame yourself?

"The illusion of being a winner"

When I tell friends this, they always say the same thing:
"That's just because you're a winner, Mako-san."

Honestly, I think to myself, "No, I'm not competing with anyone, and at the very least, I have never once competed with you."

This very dualism of "winners/losers" is proof that one is dominated by unconscious comparison. But I think that is a truly painful way to live.

The more people are bound by the sense of winning and losing, the more they tend to replace "events in other people's lives" with their own profit and loss. When someone else succeeds, they feel impatience or jealousy. I am not a winner, but perhaps I just look like one relatively because you have decided on your own that you are a loser.

However, if you think about it calmly, just because someone else gained something does not mean you have lost anything. Rather than worrying about that, it is much healthier to focus on the results you can achieve through your own actions.

When you stop comparing, what you see is your own outline, different from others. When you repeat self-reflection, you begin to see yourself. In a life where you are not competing with anyone, there is no impatience and no vanity. All that remains is time to face yourself as you are. This is more comfortable than I ever imagined.

A world beyond comparison that I discovered in the Philippines

My background in escaping the suffering of comparison lies in my encounter with the Philippines.

I have experienced about 10 business trips abroad so far, and since then, I have visited the Philippines more than 20 times. My experiences in the Philippines, in particular, have greatly shaken my values.

The local living environment is completely different from Japan. Children playing barefoot, adults working with smiles. I could not find the concepts of "winning," "losing," "loss," or "gain" in their figures. All that existed were smiles and laughter.

When you touch such a world, you can clearly see how small the comparisons and competitions taking place within the single culture of Japan are. Every Filipino is happy. Because they don't compare themselves to anyone, if I dare say so, everyone is a winner.

I have visited various countries other than the Philippines, but what I felt in common wherever I went was the sense that "it is okay for people to be different." It is natural for values, ways of feeling happiness, ways of being a family, and reasons for working to all be different.

That is why I want you to try being blown by various winds—traveling around the country or going abroad, even if just for a light trip—rather than looking for the correct answer only within Japan.

The choice to live by your own axis

To stop comparing and discard cost-benefit thinking, it is important to first have your own "axis."

To do that, try to get out of your own world as soon as possible. The easiest ways are reading books or talking to people with different values.

I still recommend traveling. It doesn't have to be a luxurious trip. Try touching a different environment, a different culture, and different values. That will shake the "common sense" within you and cultivate a "sense of living by your own standards."

In a life that is completed only within specific friendships, comparisons with others inevitably become stronger. That is why actions to "break out of your shell" by your own will are necessary.

I think travel is not just entertainment, but an act that improves the ventilation of the heart. It is a wonderful action to touch a world different from your "usual" in order to acquire your own values, rather than competing with someone else's life.

I think it is very meaningful in life to focus on your inner self by properly verbalizing the emotions and movements of your heart at that time, rather than showing off Instagram-worthy food or scenery to the outside world.

Other people's lives have nothing to do with your life.
You are free to live by your own axis.

If you have read "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen R. Covey, let's read this book too. A book I want you to read to know your own axis ↓

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