The gratitude of knowing I am not alone, taught to me by this invisible present

Recently, I have been receiving truly warm words from so many people.
Through LINE, DMs, comments, and in-person conversations.

In many different ways, so many people are standing by my side.
Some have written wonderful songs for me, and my partner quietly takes care of the housework without saying a word.

The black one who notices when I'm down and comes to snuggle up next to me.
I have been saved many times by that feeling of being nudged by a wet nose.
My family, who is always worried about me.
The doctors and nurses who share in my joy, saying, "I'm glad it hasn't gotten any worse."

They listen to so many of my selfish requests.
The trainer who accompanies me on my commute practice almost every day.
The helpers who immediately set up a support system because they knew I was in a pinch.

The people at my workplace who accept and support my current unstable way of working.
My friends who worry about me and reach out with so many kind words.
Truly, so many people are supporting me in so many different ways right now.
Each and every one of those kindnesses is slowly soaking into my heart.

It is a daily reminder that I am not alone.

—
Amidst all this, there were words that left a deep impression on me.

It was a message I received from someone I had previously consulted with.
"If you were always a bright and positive person, Natsuko, I don't think I would have been able to open my heart to you.

But because you showed me your true self, struggling and suffering, I felt that you were someone who could understand me."

When they said that to me, my heart was filled to the brim.
Even though we are physically apart, our hearts are right there beside each other.

I felt that we are connected, sharing the same feelings, the same suffering, the same sadness, and the same joy.

To be able to feel that someone is by my side even when we are apart like this is truly an amazing thing.
—
Until now, as a support provider, I thought I had to be strong and keep looking forward.
Especially when I first started consulting, I feel like I held that belief very strongly.

But in reality, not every day is like that.
There are days when it's tough, and days when I have to stop.

There are days when I can't look forward at all.
I have often thought to myself, "Isn't it wrong to be like this?"

—
Even so, little by little, I began to think, "Maybe that's not necessarily true."
I started to think that being my true self and letting others see that side of me might also be a form of support.

In fact, I have been continuing to interact in that way little by little.
But—somewhere in my heart, I always had doubts, wondering if this was okay.
—

And this time, I was honestly feeling very unstable and unable to look forward.

"This is not good."
"I can't provide support like this."
"I don't think anyone would want to consult with someone as weak as me."

I was feeling anxious again, thinking things like that.
—

But—at that very moment, I received those words.

I was able to think, "It really is okay after all."
—

Perhaps it is precisely because I am someone who struggles, suffers, and cannot always look forward that I have things I can convey and ways I can stand by others.
—
I was able to think that once again.

—

It is precisely because I have these feelings of fear, weakness, anxiety, confusion, and pain that I can notice things and stand by others.

I was able to think that this might be my strength.

—
I have many friends around me.
I have people who support me.

That is not just something that was given to me, but perhaps it is also something I have built with all my might throughout my life so far.

—

I have lost many things.
But in return, I have surely gained things as well.

And there are surely things I will gain in the future.

—

There is anxiety, and there is fear.
Even so—this is all my precious life.

It is a life with many things that don't go well, and a life with many trials, but I was able to think that it is, after all, my own irreplaceable and precious life.
The connections I have with so many people are my most precious treasures.