Why Can't I Ever Stick to Anything? The Psychological Mechanism of Failure and the Art of Habit Formation
Introduction: Have you ever wondered, "Why can't I stick to anything I start?"
"I'm sure I won't stick to it this time either." Are you tired of feeling that way?
"Okay, starting tomorrow, I'm going to wake up early and go for a run!"
"I'll study English for just 10 minutes every day!"
"This year, I'm going to stop wasting money and start saving!"
…You made up your mind, but before you knew it, you gave up after three days.
Or rather, you didn't even make it three days—you were already slacking off on the very first night… Have you ever had that experience?
When I talk about this, many people nod and laugh, saying, "That's so relatable!"
Actually, you aren't the only one who fails at building habits.
I'm the same way, and even people who study psychology don't find it easy to stick to habits every single time.
But the problem here isn't that you "couldn't do it," it's blaming yourself for not being able to do it.
"I guess I just have a weak will."
"I'm a failure because I can't fix my lazy habits."
"People who can stick to things are special. It's impossible for me."
When you judge yourself like that, your motivation just withers away, doesn't it?
Actually, from a psychological perspective, this is a "classic trap."
"I can't stick to it because my will is weak"—do you really think that's true?
For some reason, we tend to assume that "not being able to stick to a habit is due to a weak will."
But actually, this is a false premise from a psychological standpoint.
For example, let's consider the case of someone who "can't stick to going to the gym."
Person A thinks, "If I just had willpower, I'd be able to keep exercising!" and tries to force themselves to go to the gym after work.
But after a few days, they get tired, stop going, and feel depressed, thinking, "I'm just a failure."
On the other hand, Person B doesn't rely on willpower. Instead, they focus on "designing" their environment and habits, such as "creating a flow where I have to go to the gym before going home," "preparing my gym clothes in advance," and "setting up a reward of a favorite smoothie after training."
Even for the same "gym routine," the results change significantly just by changing the approach.
In other words, "strength of will" isn't as important as you think.
Rather, the design of your environment and actions has an overwhelmingly greater impact on your habits.
What are the "classic patterns" of people who fail to build habits?
People who struggle with sticking to habits share common "assumptions" and "behavioral patterns." Here, I will introduce five common "three-day failure" scenarios.
① Being too much of a perfectionist, feeling like everything is over if you slack off for even one day
"If I don't do it every day, there's no point!"
"If I slack off even once, it's a reset..."
This way of thinking is surprisingly common.
In fact, this "all-or-nothing thinking" is considered a major enemy of habit formation in psychology.
The fact that you've been keeping it up doesn't disappear just because you slacked off once.
But the harder you are on yourself, the easier it is to throw everything away over a small failure.
② The hurdle is too high, making it exhausting before you even start
For example, even if you decide to "study English for 30 minutes every day," don't you ever find yourself thinking "30 minutes is impossible..." when you're tired from work or housework?
In psychology, it is believed that humans have a nature to avoid putting a burden on their "current self." This is called the "status quo bias."
That is precisely why the trick to the first step of a habit is to keep it "laughably small."
③ Thinking, "I'll start when I feel motivated."
Actually, motivation comes *after* you take action.
For example, have you ever had the experience of thinking, "Maybe I'll do a little stretching" before bed, and once you started moving, it felt surprisingly good, so you continued with "maybe I'll do a little more"?
In this way, the key is whether or not you can be conscious of the flow of action → motivation.
④ Even though it's a "habit," you hesitate every time about whether to do it or not.
Originally, a habit is something you can do "automatically."
However, until you have successfully formed the habit, you have to make a judgment every time, wondering "What should I do today?" and your brain gets tired each time.
In psychology, this is called "decision fatigue."
To avoid hesitating every time, it is very important to decide "when to do it" and "how to do it" rather than "whether to do it."
⑤ Trying to do it all by yourself.
In fact, there is data showing that humans find it easier to continue an action just by being "watched by someone" or "doing it with someone."
For example, there are cases where people who decided to "report their study progress every day" on social media were able to continue the habit because they had followers waiting for their reports.
"Psychological wisdom" is incredibly useful for building habits!
Looking at it this way, haven't you started to see the importance of "not relying on willpower," "not blaming yourself," and "using your environment effectively"?
In this article, we will carefully explain how to create habits that anyone can keep up while using insights from "behavioral science," "habit psychology," and "cognitive bias."
Moreover, we won't just stop at theory.
To ensure you can actually apply it in your daily life, we will introduce it with plenty of concrete examples and case studies.
For example, you will be able to answer questions like these for yourself.
Why are there people who can keep up a morning routine and those who can't?
Why can "doing it every day" sometimes be counterproductive?
Why are the days when you "don't feel motivated" actually the best opportunities?
Why are bad habits harder to let go of?
Why does working with others help you keep it up?
The goal of this article is to help you learn the art of keeping things up without blaming yourself.
Finally, there is one important thing I want to tell you.
It is that being able to maintain a habit is not necessary for you to become an 'amazing person,' but rather to make your daily life more comfortable.
If you can wake up feeling refreshed in the morning, you can start your day on a positive note, right?
If you can gradually start tidying up your room, you might be able to like yourself just a little bit more.
When small daily accomplishments pile up, before you know it, you'll start thinking, 'Hey, I can do more than I thought.'
Yes, this article should serve as a 'weapon' to help you maintain habits kindly, without blaming yourself.
From the next chapter on, we will dive deeper into concrete steps for habit formation and psychological techniques!
Please don't feel pressured; as you read, try to find at least one thing that makes you think, 'I might be able to do this...'
Chapter 1: Was 'Weak Willpower' a Misunderstanding? What You Need for Habit Formation is a 'System'
Have you ever tried to 'manage it with willpower' and failed?
'I just have weak willpower...'
Many people say this in counseling sessions and workshops.
Especially those who struggle with building habits say it as if they are blaming themselves.
'I decided to start a morning routine, but I hit the snooze button after three days.'
'I said I would work out every day, but I skipped a week and then just faded out.'
'I want to keep a diary, but I forget to write in it and give up after three days...'
...These are all common stories. But here, I want to tell you one important thing. That is—
The reason you can't keep up a habit is not because your 'willpower is weak.'
Huh? Then what is wrong? you might ask.
The answer is not 'willpower,' but a 'system.'
People who keep things up have a 'system' that allows them to do so.
And for those who don't, it's just that the system hasn't been designed well yet.
The limits of willpower are also clear in psychology!
Willpower is certainly a driving force for action.
However, psychological research has shown that 'willpower is consumed like gasoline.'
For example, a famous experiment is the 'Radish and Chocolate Study.'
[Experiment] The Temptation of Radishes and Chocolate
In one experiment, subjects were divided into three groups.
A group that has chocolate in front of them but must resist eating it
A group instructed to eat radishes (a vegetable similar to daikon)
A group with no restrictions at all
Afterward, all three groups were given the task of "attempting a difficult puzzle" (though, in reality, it was an unsolvable puzzle).
At this time, the groups forced to "exercise self-restraint" (the chocolate-abstaining group and the radish group) gave up on the puzzle faster than the other group.
This experiment shows that "after using self-control (willpower), the brain gets tired."
In other words, if you repeatedly make decisions like "should I do it or not?" or "should I eat this or resist?", your willpower gradually wears down.
People are moved by their "environment," not by their willpower
When you end up eating snacks in the middle of the night, you might think, "I have weak willpower."
But if there were no snacks in the room, wouldn't you have not even thought about eating them in the first place?
This is the concept that "the environment dictates behavior."
For example, here are some concrete examples.
Example 1: How someone who keeps up with morning running does it
Person A continues to run every morning.
His trick is to "place his running gear next to his bed the night before."
When he wakes up in the morning, the first things he sees are his gear and running shoes.
Even while still groggy, if he starts moving by thinking, "Well, I guess I'll get changed," before he knows it, he is outside running.
According to him, the key to his success was creating a system where "the body moves on its own before the mind has to think."
Example 2: The story of a housewife who maintained a reading habit
A housewife in her 30s thought, "I'm so busy with childcare and housework that I don't have time to read books."
However, just by "not leaving her smartphone on the dining table" and "placing books in the kitchen instead," she naturally started opening books in her spare time.
She simply reduced the temptation of her smartphone and changed the information she saw to "things she wanted to read."
This is also a great example of "creating a system."
Example 3: People who succeed at dieting don't "not eat," they "don't let themselves see it"
There was a man who was troubled by the fact that he "couldn't stop snacking."
However, the method he took was not to "resist with willpower," but to "not buy them" and "not leave snacks on his desk."
In other words, he created an environment where "even if he wanted to eat, they were out of reach."
Because of this, he no longer had to worry about whether or not to eat every time, and his snacking naturally decreased.
The reason why successful people "don't look like they are trying hard"
"People who can keep things up seem so stoic and strong-willed..."
Have you ever thought that?
However, when you actually interview people, you find something surprising.
People who are able to maintain habits aren't doing so through 'sheer effort';they often devise and create 'systems that continue naturally'.
A habit routine of an English learner
M, a company employee in his 40s, has been studying English for 15 minutes every day for over half a year.
The secret is the routine of 'opening an English app while on the commuter train'.
He places the English app on the first page of his smartphone's home screen and has decided, 'I will definitely open the app when I get on the train'.
He says he now opens it reflexively without even thinking about it.
He says this:
'It's not about willpower or motivation; I created a "route that my brain does automatically."'
The difference between those who don't keep it up and those who do is not 'personal ability'!
Having read this far, I think you can see little by little that 'systems are more important than willpower'.
And what is even more important is thatpeople who keep it up are not special human beingsthat is the case.
Even if you have thought, 'I'm clumsy,' 'I'm not smart,' or 'I have a personality that gets bored easily,' those are not the 'reasons' why habits don't stick.
Conversely, anyone cansustain habits properly if they just review the 'blueprint' of their environment and actions!
3 tips for 'system building' you can start today
So here, I will introduce just three 'tips for systemization' that you, the readers, can put into practice immediately!
1. Lower the 'hurdle for action' as much as possible
→ For example, for '10 minutes of stretching every day,' start by just 'sitting on the mat every day'.
By making it a level where you think, 'Is that all I have to do?', the hurdle to starting drops significantly!
2. Decide on a 'trigger action'
→ Example: 'Learn one English word after brushing your teeth'
If you attach a new habit to a daily action you are already doing, it becomes easier to continue naturally.
3. Make sure 'what you need to do is visible'
→ If you want to read a book, leave it on your desk. If you want to drink protein, put a note on the refrigerator.
Just by adding 'visual cues' to your environment, your action rate will change!
Summary: To become a 'person who keeps it up,' first become a 'designer'
If there was anyone reading this who had been blaming themselves, saying 'I can't do it because my willpower is weak,' I would be happy if your heart felt even a little lighter.
The secret to forming habits is to 'create a system that doesn't require willpower.'
Once you design a route that fits your personality and lifestyle, you'll find yourself continuing naturally.
And in this article, we will go even further—
The psychological structure of habits
How the brain triggers action
Mindsets for bouncing back after failure
Concrete practical techniques
and much more!
Chapter 2: The Mechanism of Habits - The Three-Part 'Trigger, Action, Reward' System
'Why can I brush my teeth every day, but I can't keep a diary for more than three days?'
Have you ever thought that?
Actually, there is a proper 'mechanism' behind this difference.
And understanding this mechanism is the first step toward building habits that last!
Habits are made of 'unconscious loops'
It is said that about 40% of the actions we take every day are 'unconscious habitual actions.'
In other words, we do them automatically without thinking.
That 'unconscious loop' is made up of the following three steps.
Trigger (cue)
Action (routine)
Reward
This is the basic structure of the 'habit loop' supported by psychology and neuroscience.
Once you understand this, the reason 'why you can't stick to things' becomes clearly visible!
Step 1: Every habit starts with a 'trigger'!
For example, have you ever had an experience like this?
In the morning, when you enter the bathroom, your hand naturally reaches for your toothbrush
When I pass by a convenience store, I end up wanting to buy ice cream.
When it hits 9 PM, I start fiddling with my smartphone for no reason.
This is all the power of a "trigger"!
A trigger is a "cue" that reminds you to perform a certain action. It comes in many forms, such as time, place, mood, people, or a preceding action.
[Examples of common triggers]
Many people who say, "I can't keep up a habit..." start without having this "trigger design" clearly defined.
Point: Habits are easier to maintain when you "fix" the trigger!
Example:
"Stretching after brushing teeth" -> You can do it at a set time every night!
"One English app lesson before morning coffee" -> You can get into a daily rhythm!
Conversely, actions without a clear trigger, like "doing it when I feel like it" or "doing it when I have free time," are prone to becoming short-lived fads.
Step 2: Keep the "action" as simple as possible!
Once the trigger is activated, the next step is the "routine" (the actual action).
The important thing here is "not to set the bar too high"!
For example, you might get enthusiastic and say, "I'll start jogging for 30 minutes every day!" You might manage it on the first day, but by the third day, you might skip it, thinking, "I'm tired today..."
That's why the golden rule for starting a habit is to "start extremely small"!
Recommended "mini-habit" examples
"Read just one page of a book a day"
"Learn just one English word"
"Write just one line in a diary"
“Just standing on the yoga mat”
You might think, “Does that even mean anything?”
But it's okay!
Even with small actions, your brain recognizes that you “did it.”
Above all, “starting” is the hardest part, so it's important to first create a “habit of getting moving!”
Step 3: Make your brain feel “good” with rewards!
The final step is “reward.”
This is surprisingly often overlooked, but it is incredibly important!
The human brain is designed to repeat “actions that have rewards.”
In other words, things that make you feel “good,” “happy,” or “relieved” will automatically become habits.
Ideas for “rewards” you can do right away
Play your favorite music after completing a task
Put a sticker or checkmark on your calendar
Prepare a coffee or snack time
Report “I did it” on social media and get likes
Praise yourself out loud by saying “Good job!”
When we say “reward,” we tend to imagine some special gift, but actually, this kind of “little sense of satisfaction” is enough.
In fact, it's better because you can do it “every day,” and it increases the “sense of unity as a habit!”
Example 1: Person A who made morning stretching a habit
Person A, an office worker, was originally not a morning person and spent every day rushing to get ready for work.
However, concerned about stiff shoulders and fatigue, they decided to start morning stretching.
So, Person A designed a habit loop as follows:
Trigger: When the alarm goes off
Action: Watch a YouTube stretching video for just 5 minutes
Reward: Drink coffee while playing your favorite music
At first, they were skeptical, wondering, "Is just five minutes really enough?" but by the time a month had passed, they felt uncomfortable if they didn't do it!
Now, it has naturally extended to 15 minutes of stretching, and they even say they look forward to the morning. Such changes happened precisely because they set up a system.
Case Study 2: Person B, who stopped giving up on journaling after three days
Person B had tried and failed at journaling many times.
However, by incorporating "Trigger, Action, Reward," they successfully made it a habit.
Trigger: At night, when I see the notebook by my pillow before getting into bed
Action: Write just one line about something good that happened that day
Reward: Send myself a message saying "Well done" (using an app)
The point here is "not to aim for a perfect diary."
Just one line is fine, and it's okay to have days where you don't write.
Giving yourself that permission was the reason it lasted so long.
Let's create your own habit loop!
If you've read this far and thought, "I can do this too!" please try using the following template to think about your own habit loop.
✔ Habit Loop Design Template
[What you want to do]___________________________
[Trigger] (Something that happens regularly every day):
[Action] (As small as possible):
[Reward] (A little trick to make yourself happy):
For example...
[What you want to do] I want to make reading a habit!
[Trigger] Before making morning coffee
[Action] Read just one page
[Reward] Put sticky notes on the books you read → It becomes your own reading record!
It is effective to save this template in your smartphone notes or write it down on paper and post it somewhere.
Cultivate habits through "systems" rather than "motivation"
"I can't keep up my habits..." "I'll just end up quitting after three days again anyway..." There is no need to feel down like that!
The reason habits don't work out isn't because you are lazy, but simply because you "didn't know the system."
From today on, try to create a habit loop that suits you by being conscious of the "three-piece set" of trigger, action, and reward.
Even with just one action, "designing" it can change your future!
Chapter 3: Why you shouldn't wait for "motivation"? Deconstructing the motivation myth
"I don't feel like it today, so I'll skip it."
"I'll start tomorrow when I'm in the mood!"
--Don't you decide your actions based on whether you have "motivation" like this?
Actually, this is a trap of the "motivation myth" that many people fall into unconsciously.
But please rest assured.
The reason you end up quitting after three days is not because you "lack motivation."
Rather, the very idea of "doing it when you feel motivated" is the biggest obstacle to maintaining a habit.
In this chapter, I will explain what is more important than "motivation" from a psychological perspective and introduce how to create habits that you can start "without being swayed by your mood"!
The reason why relying on motivation doesn't last
First, I want you to know that "motivation is fickle."
For example, suppose you decide to "go jogging for 30 minutes every morning."
For the first three days or so, you might be fired up, thinking, "Alright! I'm going to do it!"
But on the morning of the fourth day, you overslept a little.
It was a rainy day.
You were a little tired from the day before.
Have you ever had the experience of skipping it, thinking, "I'm not in the mood today" or "I'll just start again tomorrow"?
And strangely enough, "once you skip it, it becomes incredibly troublesome to restart." That happens often, doesn't it?
Why is that?
That is because you are under the assumption that "motivation equals the driving force of action."
In other words, you do nothing until you feel motivated → naturally, nothing starts → and as a result, you fall into a vicious cycle of self-loathing.
What is needed here is to flip the order of "act when you feel motivated."
Actually, it's the opposite! The correct flow is "Action → Motivation."
For those who think, "I can't act unless I feel motivated," I want you to know about a concept in psychology called the [Behavioral Activation Theory].
This is a theory that states, "Humans first take action, and then emotions and motivation follow."
For example, have you ever had the experience of sitting at your desk to study without any desire to do so, but after 10 minutes, you were surprisingly focused?
Other examples include—
・I started cleaning the room I was dreading, and it turned out to be more fun than I expected.
・I forced myself to go jogging, and the breeze felt so good that I was glad I went.
Everyone should have these kinds of "I started, and then I felt motivated" experiences in their daily lives.
In short, it is "Action → Motivation."
Motivation is like a "bonus" that follows afterward.
The "5-Minute Rule" that lets you start even without motivation
Here is a "5-Minute Rule" that I really want you to try!
This is literally a simple technique where you decide to "just do it for 5 minutes" and start moving.
For example—
・Open your English vocabulary book for just 5 minutes.
・Try doing muscle training for just 5 minutes.
・Try reading for just 5 minutes.
You might think, "Is there any point in just 5 minutes?" but this is surprisingly effective.
In many cases, the initial "until you start" is the hardest part.
However, if it's only for 5 minutes, the "brain's resistance" is minimal.
Once you start, it is not rare for it to naturally continue for 10 or 15 minutes.
This is a brain reaction called "work excitement," a phenomenon where dopamine is secreted by starting an action, and your concentration and motivation gradually increase.
Rather than waiting for motivation to strike, "trying it for just 5 minutes" is much more realistic and is also backed by psychology!
A "small switch" to start regardless of your mood
Even so, there are days when you think, "Doing it for 5 minutes is also a hassle..."
That is where creating a "habit switch" comes in handy.
For example—
・Start working while drinking your favorite coffee.
・Play a music playlist for studying.
・Change into specific clothes (workout jersey).
Just having this "signal to start" allows your brain to switch smoothly, thinking, "The usual activity is about to begin."
This is a psychological mechanism known as "conditioning" (classical conditioning). It is the same as the famous Pavlov experiment where a dog drools at the sound of a bell.
By simply attaching a "fixed starting action" to a behavior, your brain will start to follow along surprisingly easily.
Case Study: A, who managed to continue studying for a certification for over 3 months
Here, let me introduce an example of someone who actually succeeded in "building habits without relying on motivation."
A (a woman in her 30s, office worker) had tried to start studying for the TOEIC many times and failed repeatedly.
She would buy a reference book and quit after a week, over and over again.
What she did this time was set a rule: "Every morning, just 15 minutes before work, I will definitely open the English app."
She said she had no motivation for the first few days and did it reluctantly, but after a week, she started to feel, "Huh, this is actually kind of interesting," and by the third week, she was looking forward to recording her progress in the app.
"I was able to keep going because the first step was small. If I had waited for motivation to strike, I don't think I would have ever started," says A.
The point is that she abandoned "motivation" and got on board with a "system."
She incorporated it into her morning routine and created an environment that wasn't swayed by her mood.
Use it right now! "Small Habit Template"
Finally, here is a "Small Habit Template" that you can start practicing today!
Small Habit Template
1. Purpose of the action (Why do it?)
→ Example: "I want to move my body a little for my health"
2. Content of the habit (as small as possible)
→ Example: "Do just 5 squats every morning"
3. Starting signal (switch)
→ Example: "Do it after brushing my teeth," "Start by playing my favorite music"
4. Proof of completion (record or reward)
→ Example: "Put a checkmark on the calendar," "Drink my favorite tea when finished"
If you design your habits according to this template, you can build a foundation that will "definitely continue," no matter how small the first step is.
The important thing is to lower the "hurdle to start" as much as possible.
And to create a system that is not swayed by your mood.
Summary: Motivation is just a bonus. The first step changes everything.
Let's graduate from the idea of "I'll do it when I feel motivated."
People who can keep things up are never doing it based solely on "willpower" or "motivation."
Rather, they have a system in place to "just do it, regardless of how they feel."
There is only one thing you can do starting today—
Try doing it for "just 5 minutes"!
That small step of yours will eventually grow into a major habit.
The version of you that can keep things up has already begun!
Chapter 4: "Failure Doesn't Mean It's Over" — Mindsets to Make Habits "Resilient"
"I was doing so well, but I slacked off yesterday... it's all over."
"I was a quitter. I'm useless again."
Have you ever thought like that?
If you have felt that way, it is not because "you are weak."
And it's okay! Habits are not as delicate as glasswork, where "if you skip even one day, it's all over."
In fact, assuming that things will "occasionally fall apart" actually makes habits much more resilient in the long run.
In this chapter, I will share how to cultivate "resilient habits" from perspectives such as "how to rebuild a habit once it has collapsed," "how to let go of perfectionism," and "how to view failure in the first place."
Even if you skip a day, your brain remembers how to "restart"
First, there is a major premise I want you to know. It is that "a habit does not return to zero just because you missed a day!"
According to research in behavioral science, the human brain remembers not only the information that "you started a new habit," but also the "experience of restarting it."
In other words, just because you took a day off doesn't mean everything is ruined.
For example, even if someone who kept a daily diary skipped three days, the act of "writing in a diary" itself is already embedded as one of the "options" in their brain.
And when they restart, there should be a smooth feeling of, "Oh, this is that thing I was doing before."
The important thing is not to measure "whether you are keeping it up" with numbers, but toaffirm yourself for "being able to come back again now."
Does perfectionism destroy habits!? The relationship with self-efficacy
"I must do it every single day!"
"If I miss even one day, it's meaningless!"
Such thinking is actually the greatest enemy of habit formation.
This is because"perfectionism" robs you of self-efficacy.
Self-efficacy is the feeling that "I can do it."
This is the "inner engine" that is very important for habit formation.
However, if you think "everything is a waste" because of a single day's mistake, it leads to self-denial, such as "I don't have the power to keep things up anyway," which hinders subsequent attempts.
Doesn't this kind of perfectionism ring a bell?
Thinking "If I can't do it every day, there's no point," and quitting after three days
Losing all motivation the moment you miss a checkmark on your calendar for one day
No longer wanting to continue once there is an "irregularity" like a trip or feeling unwell
...These are all "ways of thinking that make habits easy to break."
Let's break free from "all-or-nothing" thinking
In psychology, this thought pattern is called "all-or-nothing thinking" (black-and-white thinking). It's the extreme idea that "if it's not 100 points, it's 0 points."
However, real life is full of gray areas. Habits are no exception.
For example, you decided to study for 10 minutes every day, but today you only managed 3 minutes.
Even on a day like that, if you can think, "I'm great for sitting at my desk, even for 3 minutes!" the habit will continue.
Instead of obsessing over a perfect score of 100, having the flexibility to think, "It's only 30 points today, but I can just do it again tomorrow," is the secret to cultivating a "habit that is hard to break" in the end.
[Case Study] Why a person who slacked off for a week was able to return to their "habit"
Let me introduce an actual episode here.
A woman (in her 30s, office worker) started the habit of "writing just 5 lines in a diary before bed every day," and it went smoothly for the first two weeks.
However, she entered a busy period at work and became unable to write at all for about a week.
At first, she started to feel down, thinking, "Maybe I'm done for."
But she decided to take the plunge and wrote this on the page for the day she restarted.
"A diary entry for the first time in a week. Rather than what I couldn't do, I want to praise myself for being able to write again."
Triggered by these words, her diary became established as a habit once again.
She says she has been continuing it almost every day for over a year now.
The point is that she focused on "the self that was able to return" rather than "what she couldn't do".
Habits are not just about "continuing" to be a success.
"The power to return" is also part of habit strength.
3 common traits of "people who can restart"
There are several common traits among people who can recover from failure and return to their habits.
Here, I will introduce three of those characteristics.
1. They are good at "shifting their mindset"
People who have the flexibility to think, "I'll try again," even when they feel down, can bounce back quickly.
Conversely, if you "leave yourself feeling down," the habit will naturally fade away.
② Instead of "I have to," think "It's okay to do it"
When you act only out of a sense of obligation, it's easy to give up after a minor mistake.
Those who can restart value the feeling that "this is for my own good, and it feels good to do it."
③ Thinking "A small start is fine"
You don't have to return to your original pace immediately; start by restarting lightly.
For example, writing just one line in a diary or doing 30 seconds of stretching... those who are good at "rebooting" do things like this.
Create a "recovery plan" for when your habits break down
No matter how excellent a person is, habits can temporarily break down.
That is why it is important to prepare a "recovery method for when things fall apart" in advance.
Please try creating a simple "recovery plan" like the ones below.
Example of a recovery plan
Pattern A: A day when you were too busy to do it → Decide that the next day will be a "do only half" day
Pattern B: Took a break due to feeling unwell → Restart with a "trial run" feeling once you feel better
Pattern C: Interrupted due to low motivation → Take time to write down "why you started"
Just by anticipating these "emergency modes" in advance, your habits will be much less likely to break.
Value "being able to return" more than "continuing"
When it comes to building habits, people tend to focus on "doing it every single day without fail!"
However, that makes it easy for things to fall apart due to minor mishaps or changes.
That is why, in addition to "continuing," try making "being able to return" a goal as well.
Habits are not something you build in a straight line; they continue while rising and falling like waves.
Sometimes they break, sometimes you return... within that cycle, before you know it, it becomes a "natural habit."
Summary: Even if you stop once, you can just start again!
Thank you for reading this far!
The main message I want to convey in this chapter is that you don't need to obsess over "continuing perfectly."
Missing one day doesn't mean you're back to zero, and you can always come back.
The ability to restart is your true 'habit strength'.
Chapter 5: Psychological Techniques to Break 'Unwanted Habits'
"I just end up doing it..."
"I found myself reaching for it again..."
Don't you also have those 'habits you want to quit but can't'?
For example—
An hour passes in the blink of an eye once I open my smartphone
I can't stop watching YouTube before bed
I want to cut back on sweets, but I find myself buying snacks at the convenience store
I'm on a diet, but I end up eating cup noodles in the middle of the night
These 'behaviors you want to quit but can't' are truly troublesome, aren't they?
But rest assured.
This is not because 'your willpower is weak'!
In fact, many of our 'bad habits' are formed through very natural mechanisms from a psychological perspective.
That is precisely why 'trying to endure it with willpower' alone doesn't work.
In this chapter, I will introduce effective psychological techniques to break 'unwanted habits'.
The key is not just to 'quit,' but to use approaches like 'replacing,' 'changing the environment,' and 'breaking the pattern'!
Why are bad habits harder to quit?
First of all, why are 'bad habits' so persistent in the first place?
The reason is related to the following three psychological factors.
① Embedded in an unconscious loop
Our brains prefer to operate as energy-efficiently as possible.
Once a 'fixed behavioral pattern' is established, it starts repeating without us thinking.
For example, the flow of 'coming home from work -> opening the fridge -> grabbing a beer.' If you repeat this every day, your brain will 'auto-play' it.
② Obtaining short-term 'pleasure'
Behaviors you can't quit always have an 'immediate reward'.
Smartphone -> Easy stimulation, pleasure
Sweet snacks -> Satisfaction from a rapid spike in blood sugar
YouTube → Distraction, escapism
This reward of "feeling good immediately" is what strongly reinforces a habit.
③ "Substitution" is more effective than suppression
The phenomenon where the more you try to resist by saying "I'll stop!", the more your focus shifts toward it, is known in psychology as "Ironic Process Theory."
For example, when you think "I'll try not to eat snacks," you end up thinking about snacks even more...
Does that sound familiar?
Technique ①: "Replace" instead of "Quit"
To break a habit you want to quit, "replacing it with another action" is overwhelmingly more effective than trying to "reduce it to zero."
This is an approach called "Behavioral Substitution" in psychology.
For example...
Mindlessly scrolling through social media on your phone
→ Delete the social media app and place a "reading app" or "language learning app" on your home screen insteadEating snacks in the middle of the night
→ Keep nuts or protein bars on hand for when you get a little hungryWhen you feel like smoking
→ Prepare "alternative actions" such as chewing gum, drinking water, or taking deep breaths instead
The key is to "prepare in advance" a "new habit to replace the bad one" like this.
Point!
Make the alternative action as "simple, easy, and quick to do" as possible!
Anticipate the situations or times of day when the "behavior you want to quit" is likely to occur!
Technique ②: Just "changing your environment" can change your habits
Many of our actions are determined unconsciously by our "environment."
That is precisely why one of the most powerful ways to break a "bad habit" is to "change your environment!"
Let's look at some concrete examples.
For those who can't stop snacking:
→ Don't keep snacks at home. Don't walk past convenience stores. Instead, keep fruit in a visible place.For those who use their smartphone too much:
→ Don't bring your smartphone into the bedroom. Use a timer app to limit usage time.For those who end up mindlessly watching videos:
→ Turn off "recommended" displays on TV or YouTube. Set a timer before you start watching.
By changing your environment, unconscious behavioral patterns naturally break down.
Even just doing this will reduce the "behaviors you want to stop" by a surprising amount!
Technique 3: Cut off the "trigger"
Bad habits always have a "trigger."
For example...
"I open my smartphone because I'm bored"
"I eat snacks because I'm frustrated"
"I want to smoke when it gets dark at night"
Finding these "triggers" and consciously breaking the pattern is also extremely effective.
Practical Steps
Record what happened right before your "bad habit"
→ When, where, and what mood were you in?Think about whether you can avoid or change that trigger
→ For example, if you get frustrated at night, find a way to relieve stress during the dayPrepare an alternative response
→ Such as "listen to music when frustrated" or "go for a walk when feeling anxious"
Case Study: Saki, an office worker who broke free from smartphone addiction
Saki, an office worker in her 30s, would always spend her time after work mindlessly scrolling on her phone, and before she knew it, it was late at night.
She suffered from chronic sleep deprivation and felt self-loathing every day...
So, she implemented three measures!
Immediately after getting home, she put her phone in a drawer and set a rule with a timer to "not use it for 1 hour"
She used that time to start reading on her Kindle instead (just 10 minutes at first)
By adopting the habit of "writing a message to her future self" at night, the time she spent touching her phone dropped drastically!
Now, they tell me, "I look forward to my evening reading time, and the temptation of my smartphone has decreased."
Technique 4: Visualize with a "Habit Tracker"
To break a "habit you want to quit," visual recording (tracking) is extremely effective!
How do you use it?
For example, "Put a checkmark on days this week when you had zero late-night snacks."
Put a circle on days when your social media usage was kept under 30 minutes.
By marking what you've accomplished in this way, you can see yourself "keeping it up," which boosts your self-efficacy (confidence)!
Technique 5: An Inventory Workshop for "Habits You Want to Quit"
Now, let's do a simple workshop to clarify the habits you truly want to change.
Step 1: Write down three habits you want to quit.
Example: "Smartphone before bed," "snacking," "sleeping until the last minute in the morning."
Step 2: Write down what is being lost because of those habits.
Example: "Smartphone before bed -> poor sleep quality, feeling tired the next morning."
Step 3: Imagine what good things would happen if you quit those habits.
Example: "I can go to bed earlier, have more time in the morning, and feel confident in myself!"
By becoming conscious of these "losses" and "gains," motivation will naturally arise.
Summary: You can break "bad habits" with a "system"!
How did you feel after reading this far?
It is truly difficult to break a "habit you want to quit" using willpower alone. But conversely, it means that if you use a "system" and "psychological techniques," anyone has a chance to change!
"Replace" your actions
Change your "environment"
Identify and break the 'trigger'
Use 'visualization' to boost consistency
By applying the techniques in this chapter, let's gradually shift from the 'me who wants to quit' to the 'me who can change'!
Chapter 6: You Don't Have to Build Habits Alone: The Power of 'Being Watched' and the Presence of Peers
'Alright, I'm going to start running every morning from tomorrow!'
You started with enthusiasm, but before you knew it, you stopped on the third day...
Have you ever had an experience like this?
Actually, when it comes to 'keeping up a habit,' your success rate increases significantly if you leverage the presence of others or the 'feeling of being watched' rather than trying your best alone!
In this chapter, I will explain in an easy-to-understand way why peers and the eyes of others boost habit formation, covering everything from the psychological background to concrete methods and real-life examples.
Does being aware of 'being watched' change your behavior? — The Social Monitoring Effect
In psychology, there is a phenomenon called 'Social Monitoring'.
Simply put, when people feel they are being watched or evaluated by someone, it becomes easier to control their own behavior.
For example, suppose you declare a diet with your colleagues at work.
Just by thinking 'everyone is watching me,' your awareness to 'refrain from sweets today!' should increase.
This is the 'Social Monitoring Effect'.
The presence of others is providing 'good pressure' on your behavior.
Making the power of social media your ally
Recently, habit formation using social media has been attracting a lot of attention.
For example, more and more people are using hashtags like '#MorningActivityReport' or '#DietChallenge' on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook to share their progress.
When you 'visualize' your actions in this way...
A sense of responsibility is born within you
You gain support and encouragement from peers
You get stimulated by seeing others working hard
A positive cycle is created.
For example, Mika, a woman in her 30s, joined a 'morning activity' social media group and posted her progress on running and studying every morning.
Encouraged by the 'likes' and comments from her peers, she graduated from being a quitter!
The strengths of 'solidarity-based habit formation' done with peers
Most of you have likely realized that it is easier to keep going when you do something with someone else rather than working on it alone.
In psychology, this is called "Social Facilitation."
For example, isn't it harder to skip a workout if you make plans to train with a friend instead of going to the gym alone?
This is precisely the effect of "bonding-based habit formation."
In fact, there is data showing that over 90% of people who started pair training with a friend at the gym were able to continue for more than six months.
Case Study: The Miracle of a Morning Activity Group
Satoshi, who lives in Tokyo, saw his habits change dramatically after joining a "morning activity group."
He originally had a habit of oversleeping and was not good at waking up early.
However, once the group members established a habit of waking up at 5:00 AM every morning and reporting "I'm up!" online, Satoshi's wake-up time naturally became earlier as well.
The reasons are...
The feeling that "it would be rude to be the only one oversleeping"
Morning reports serve as a "trigger" for habit formation
Being inspired by seeing the success stories of peers
These three points support his morning-oriented lifestyle.
Support Measures for "Habit Continuity" from the Perspective of Behavioral Economics
Research in behavioral economics shows that humans possess a "loss aversion bias."
Simply put, it means that the psychological desire to "avoid loss" is strong.
Tools that support habit formation by utilizing this psychology are increasing.
For example,
Habit formation apps with fines (a penalty is incurred if you don't do it)
Penalty systems in challenge groups
Such mechanisms make you conscious of the "loss" of money or credibility if you don't follow through, which helps draw out your motivation.
Introduction to Free Tools & Services to Help You Build Habits
Here, I will introduce some convenient tools that allow you to connect with peers and track your own actions.
Habitica
→ An app that lets you build habits like a game. You can form parties with friends and compete on your actions.Strong Mind
→ A social network for habit support. Includes community features for reporting progress and encouraging each other.Challenge App 'StickK'
→ Set a goal, and if you fail, a penalty (like a donation) is triggered. You can also have a third party monitor your progress.
Using these tools increases the sense of security that you are 'not alone,' making it easier to keep habits going for a long time.
The power of peers is also a great support for your mental state
Habit formation always involves setbacks and waves of motivation.
In those moments, feeling that you are 'not alone' is very reassuring.
Having peers means...
You can get encouragement when things are tough
You feel motivated by seeing others work hard
It's easier to shift your mindset after a failure, thinking 'I'll just try again tomorrow'
This kind of emotional support is called 'Social Support' in psychology, and it contributes to improved stress resilience and consistency.
How do you find peers or a community?
Many of you might be thinking, 'But how do I even find people to form habits with in the first place?'
The following methods are recommended.
Join social media or online communities
→ Look for people with the same goals using hashtags on Twitter or Facebook groupsParticipate in real-life events or clubs
→ Morning activities, running clubs, study groups, etc.Utilize the community features of habit-tracking apps
→ Progress while encouraging each other with peersReach out to friends or family and make a promise to work on it together
The key is the 'courage to reach out yourself' and 'showing up consistently.'
Even if you feel nervous at first, you will naturally find your place as you keep going!
To you, who struggles to work hard alone
You might think, "It's easier to do it alone and at my own pace."
However, in reality, "doing it with someone else" is the biggest shortcut to building a habit.
If you are currently struggling because you can't keep things up, try starting by creating a small community or finding a partner.
Thinking "I have to do this alone" increases the pressure, but if you "keep it up loosely with everyone," the pressure eases and you can work on it more comfortably.
10. You can do it starting today! 3 actions to leverage the "power of being watched"
Try reporting your progress on social media or via message once a week
→ Even a small step is fine! Just declaring "I did it" will help you stay focused.Declare what you want to make a habit to someone else
→ Just posting "I will continue doing XX!" to friends, family, or on social media is enough.Try using a free habit-tracking app
→ The presence of peers and progress tracking will support your ability to keep going.
Summary
It's surprising that "you don't have to build habits alone."
But both psychology and behavioral economics say exactly that.
By effectively using peers, the eyes of others, and social mechanisms, your habits will become much easier to maintain.
Stop blaming yourself for being a "three-day quitter," and why not start by "having someone watch you" or "finding a partner"?
From there, a new world of habit formation will open up for you!
Chapter 7: "Habits without a purpose" won't last: Self-coaching methods to give meaning to your habits
A habit you started thinking, "I definitely want to keep this up!"
For example, stretching every morning, reading before bed, memorizing English vocabulary, or keeping a diary...
You must have started with enthusiasm, but before you knew it, you naturally faded out.
Have you ever had that experience?
Actually, that wasn't because your willpower was weak.
One of the biggest reasons habits don't last—is that there isn't enough "meaning" attached to them.
Why do "meaningless habits" not last?
For example, let's say you started a habit of memorizing 20 English words every day.
At first, you manage to keep it up with the enthusiasm of "I'm going to do it!"
However, after a week, the feeling of "Why am I doing this again...?" gradually starts to emerge.
Then, you end up thinking things like this:
"It's fine if I skip it today, right?"
"Is this really necessary?"
"Is there even any point to this...?"
Habits maintained without knowing the reason why eventually become an "obligation," then a "burden," and then quietly fade away.
Humans are creatures that are very bad at continuing "actions that feel meaningless."
Habits become much stronger when there is "meaning" behind them!
Conversely, when there is a clear purpose for "why you are doing it," habits become surprisingly persistent and long-lasting.
For example, let me introduce the case of a certain woman.
She was told during a health checkup that she was at high risk for lifestyle-related diseases if she continued as she was, so she decided to start an exercise habit. However, at first, it didn't last. She would go to the gym and quit after three days. Running also ended after three days...
At that time, she suddenly realized something.
"Why do I want to exercise, anyway?"
That was when the image of her three-year-old daughter came to mind. "I want to be able to play with this child a lot, even 10 or 20 years from now." "I want to be healthy enough to go see her sports day."
When she thought that, the meaning of "exercise" changed completely for her. It was no longer just "for health," but became "an action to protect the future spent with someone precious."
Since then, she has continued walking three times a week for over half a year.
In this way, just by being conscious of "what kind of value or future that habit leads to," your actions become significantly stronger.
"Intrinsic motivation" is effective for giving meaning!
In psychology, there is a theory called "Self-Determination Theory."
According to this theory, it is known that people's motivation lasts longer for actions they feel they "chose themselves" and actions they feel are "consistent with their own values."
This is what is called "intrinsic motivation."
Conversely, habits started due to external pressure or a sense of obligation (for example, studying because your boss told you to, or dieting for vanity) often do not last long.
That is precisely why asking yourself "Who is this for?" and "What is this for?" is essential when starting a habit.
Let's verbalize "meaning" through self-coaching.
Here, I will introduce a self-coaching method to give "meaning" to your own habits.
Please try answering the following five questions yourself.
Self-Coaching Question Sheet (Work)
1. Why did you decide to start this habit?
→ Recall the trigger or motivation
2. What good things will happen if you continue this habit?
→ Expand on the benefits and the image of the future
3. How will you have changed once you have acquired this habit?
→ Imagine the before-and-after
4. Who are you doing this for? Who do you want to make smile?
→ The presence of someone important becomes a source of strength
5. If you feel like giving up halfway, what will you say to yourself?
→ Prepare a recovery message for when you are in a pinch
Just writing these down in a notebook or a smartphone memo will significantly stabilize the "foundation" of your habit.
When you lose focus or feel like giving up, simply looking back at them will remind you, "Ah, this is what I wanted to do."
The power to turn habits into a "story"
There is one more trick to giving meaning to habits.
It is to make the habit a part of your own story.
For example, instead of "I stretch every morning," try "I stretch in the morning because I want to stay light and agile."
Or, instead of "reading at night," try "I value my identity as an intellectual person who continues to grow."
By depicting "the self who does it" rather than the action itself, the habit is elevated from a "mere task" to "being true to yourself."
This is also a concept known as "Identity-based Habits."
Case Study: Habits with a story are harder to break
Example 1: A male office worker who continues working out at night
→ He started working out out of a sense of obligation, thinking, "I'll get fat if I don't exercise." But he couldn't keep it up.
→ After asking himself why, he realized he wanted "time to reset from stress and reclaim himself."
→ Once he changed the purpose of the habit to "reset time," his night workout became a "healing ritual"!
Example 2: A woman who continues to wake up early to study every morning
→ She started studying for a certification exam, but was about to give up halfway.
→ One day, she wrote down in her notebook, "What kind of person do I want to be after I get the certification?"
→ She realized her "life story" of wanting to "work with confidence" and "repay her parents," and her motivation returned!
In this way, finding the "story" behind your actions is the key to growing your habits to be strong and long-lasting.
Light a 'meaning' in your habits
Reading this far, some of you might have thought, 'Oh, maybe my habits have just become a to-do list...'
But that's okay. Meaning can be added later on.
What matters is whether you can feel a genuine connection between your 'core values' and your 'daily actions'.
What kind of future are your habits leading to?
Who do you want to make smile?
What kind of person do you want to become?
It's okay if you don't have the answers right now.
Let's find the 'seeds of meaning' within you, little by little.
Habits are not just rules or tasks.
They are the accumulation of 'quiet choices' that build your future.
Chapter 8: 'Habit Building is a Lifelong Endeavor' — The Mindset for Long-Term Success
'I gave up after three days again...' 'I tried to keep it up, but it was just impossible.'
Every time these words pop into your head, do you feel disappointed in yourself?
But I want you to think about this for a moment.
Is a habit something that is finished once you create it?
Or is it something you cultivate little by little throughout your life?
In fact, people who can keep things up have a 'perspective of cultivating habits'.
Instead of demanding a perfect routine from the start, they treat their daily habits like a 'long-term partner'.
In this chapter, I will introduce thecommon mindsetsthat these 'people who keep things up' possess.
Let's learn together how to turn habits into a 'lifelong project' rather than a 'short-term battle'!
Habits are not 'completed' but 'grown'
First, as a fundamental premise, I want to convey that
a habit is not a 'fixed goal' but a constantly changing processthat.
For example, suppose you started with the goal of 'wanting to continue 10 minutes of stretching every morning'.
At first, your body feels heavy when you wake up, and honestly, it's tough.
But as you continue for one week, then two, you gradually get used to it.
Eventually, 10 minutes might not feel like enough, and you might want to extend it to 15 minutes, or days might come where you think, 'Maybe I'll try a yoga video today.'
In this way, habits evolve whilechanging their shapeto match your life and state of mind.
Just like a plant whose growth changes depending on the amount of sunlight and water, habits are 'living things' too.
An example of a woman: How a '5-minute walk' changed her life
A woman in her 40s was originally terrible at exercise.
But she set a goal to 'just go outside and walk for 5 minutes'.
Even though she thought, 'I don't feel motivated...' for the first few days,
she ended up walking, thinking, 'Well, 5 minutes is fine'.
A month later, she was enjoying a 30-minute walk every day, and before she knew it, she had naturally lost weight, improved her sleep quality, and felt more cheerful.
The "five-minute habit" had, without her realizing it, become the "driving force that changed her life."
A flexible and resilient "mindset" is the key to habits
Now, what becomes important here is a "flexible way of thinking."
In psychology, this is called a "growth mindset."
This is a way of thinking that views things as "even if I fail, I can learn from it" and "there are days when things don't go well, but I am in the process of growing."
Conversely, if you think, "If I can't do it properly, there's no point" or "If I fail once, I can't start over,"
you become afraid of continuing.
This is called a "fixed mindset" and is a classic pattern for those prone to giving up.
Make habits your "ally" with a growth mindset
For example, let's say you gave up on your morning reading habit after three days.
With a fixed mindset...
"It's no use. I knew I couldn't do it."
With a growth mindset...
"I managed to do it for three days! I can just start again today."
What do you think?
Doesn't the latter make you feel kinder to yourself and significantly lower the hurdle for continuing?
Connect habits with your "identity"
Furthermore, to make habits last a lifetime,connecting them to your self-image of "this is the kind of person I am"is effective.
For example...
"I'm bad at exercise" → "I am a person who takes care of my body"
"I'm not a morning person" → "I am a person who starts the day mindfully"
"I get bored easily" → "I am a person who continues while enjoying change"
By connecting habits to your "identity" in this way,
your actions become more than just temporary; they become "a part of who you are."
Real-life change: Breaking free from "I'm someone who can't stick to studying"
One man had been convinced since his student days that "I'm bad at studying and can't stick to it."
But in his 30s, he decided to change careers and aim for a professional certification.
Rather than focusing on "becoming good at studying," he decided to take pride in "being someone who sits at their desk for just 10 minutes every day".
As a result, three months later, a sense of "I am a person who learns" began to grow, and the habit itself transformed into a "way of life."
Incorporate "Periodic Resets" and "Reviews" for Your Habits
If left alone, habits can sometimes lose their shape over time.
That is when "periodic resets" and "habit reviews" become important.
This essentially means
"taking time to pause periodically and re-evaluate your habits."
For example, once a month, open your "habit notebook" and ask yourself:
What habits are continuing?
What habits are not going well?
Does this still suit me, or is it time to rethink it?
Try asking these questions.
It is perfectly fine for habits to change with the seasons or life stages!
Whether it's enjoying a morning walk in the summer but shifting to your lunch break in the winter, or using a shortened version during busy periods, flexibly "customizing" themis the secret to long-term success.
Habits are the building blocks that create "your life"
By reading this far, you may have already realized it.
Habits are not just "daily actions."
They are the "building blocks" that shape your future and your life.
"Drinking water when you wake up"
"Writing in a diary before bed"
"Ensuring time to exercise every week"
By stacking these small building blocks one by one every day, your scenery will surely change in six months or a year.
Conclusion: Stay with your small habits forever
When you hear the word "habit," you might have a stiff or stoic image of it.
But in reality, habits are much gentler, more familiar, and are on your side.
It doesn't have to be perfect.
It's okay to stop along the way.
You can start over as many times as you need.
Habits last a lifetime. That is why you should take it easy, stay relaxed, and move forward steadily.
Let's stack one more small building block today at a "rhythm" that feels comfortable for you!