The Tiny Me. What I Saw After Lifting a Heavy Barbell.

As always, my morning begins with a cup of coffee.

However, my heart felt a little heavy and down this morning.

One of the reasons I started writing my thoughts on note was because I wanted to cultivate the mental strength not to be swayed by others by outputting the idea that "I am me." Not comparing myself to others, and accepting myself... I had decided that, and yet.

Last night, big news came in from two of my friends.

One won a duathlon.
The other successfully climbed Mount Kilimanjaro.

They are what you might call "perfect women": wonderful personalities, brilliant minds, excellent at their jobs, financially independent, and even possessing outstanding athletic ability.

While I wanted to sincerely praise the great achievements they had accomplished, at the same time, a tiny sense of emptiness welled up in my heart, asking, "So, what am I?"

Actually, I will be participating in a sports competition with them soon. It will be my third attempt.

When I couldn't get the results I wanted in the past two attempts, something snapped inside me, and I lost my fighting spirit.
Days spent just going through the motions of training without any motivation.

"Since it's their first time trying, they will surely get much better results than me."

That premonition crossed my mind, and feeling inferior to my current self, I couldn't settle my feelings.

Carrying that cloud of doubt, I headed to the gym as usual at night.

I was scolded by my trainer for the words of weakness that slipped out of my mouth.

"That is a negative statement," they said.

I had intended to lament my own inadequacy, but perhaps I had even saddened my trainer, who believes in my potential.

From there, I just worked out with a "clear mind."

Discarding unnecessary thoughts and focusing on the movements in front of me.

At the end of the training, the trainer suddenly said,

"Today's squats were set heavier than before. You were able to lift them firmly without losing your form."

I was surprised. Without even realizing it myself, I had surpassed my past self.

It's no use moping around, losing to others' strength, and self-denying on my own.

My ability is mine alone.

Instead of lamenting and grieving over it, I should just build it up with a clear mind. That is fine.

Since I am training for myself, there is no need to compete with anyone or feel inferior.

What is important is to move forward, even if just one step, from the person I was yesterday.

I feel like the taste of the heavy coffee from this morning has changed to something a little more refreshing now.

I finished the day safely today. Let's just call that a truly "good day."

Tomorrow, I think I'll be able to get along a little better with myself than I did today.