Don't remind me, it makes me laugh

As dinner was coming to an end one day, I found myself in a bit of a crisis.
I had been struck by a fit of laughter from a memory.

I had recalled the content of an essay I read a little while ago that made me laugh, and the laughter welled up inside me, threatening to burst out. I managed to hold it back at the very last second, and while making sure my family didn't see my grinning face, I covered it up with a cough, 'Nnn'.

It was fortunate that I was just finishing my meal and heading to the kitchen to clear the plates, but if I had suddenly started grinning in front of my daughters, I would have had another episode added to the 'Dad's Creepy Moments' list.

I would love to share how funny that essay was and spread the circle of laughter, but unfortunately, I can't remember at all what I was laughing about now.
I am sure it was something I read on note, though. note essays sometimes pretend to be serious and then make you laugh, so you can't let your guard down.

While pretending to check the fridge in the kitchen and waiting for the fit of laughter to subside, I realized that this laughter might be a deliberate attack by the essay's author.

The author wrote an essay that was guaranteed to make you laugh out loud if you read it, and published it with an innocent face—no, an innocent title.

I was lured in by that innocent title, read the essay, laughed out loud, and left a 'like' thinking, 'Ah, that was a funny story.' At that point, a laughter bomb that could explode at any moment had been planted in my head.

That bomb explodes at the most inopportune moments, whether I'm surrounded by people on the train or my boss is lecturing me right in front of me.

A brilliant punchline suddenly flashes back in my mind.
A fit of laughter strikes and I'm about to burst out, but if I laugh here, I'll lose my dignity, my reputation, and other important things. I have no choice but to shake my shoulders, keep my mouth tightly shut, and desperately hold back the laughter.

The author published it knowing that such a danger existed.
It's a terrifying indiscriminate attack.

I'm sure there are others who read the same essay and are having fits of laughter in even worse situations... situations where laughing is not allowed. I pray that they can somehow endure their fits of laughter.

There are situations where people are particularly prone to bursting out laughing, and situations where the damage from doing so is likely to be greater. If you are struck by a fit of laughter like today's in such a moment, you're done for. Without saying which ones, let me confirm some situations that require caution, including my own real-life experiences.

For example, when you are drinking iced coffee at a cafe.
It's dangerous when you're drinking a cold beverage through a straw.

Let's say you're struck by a fit of laughter just as you're about to take a sip. Because you're sucking the coffee up through a straw, you've taken in more air than usual. That air tries to burst out of your mouth all at once. Even if you try to close your mouth to avoid blowing it out, you can't seal it because of the narrow exit of the straw. A large amount of air passes through the thin straw and accelerates even further.
As a result, the iced coffee in the glass is blown up like a fountain and hits my face right in front of me with a splash.

Less than a second after the fit of laughter, I am left stunned, with coffee dripping from my face and glasses.

And at the next table, a secondary disaster occurs: a salaryman who witnessed the entire tragedy and made eye contact with me, my face dripping wet, is struck by a fit of laughter and ends up blowing his own coffee out.

It's not just drinks; you tend to blow things out when you have food in your mouth, so be careful. If you blow out during a meal with your family, you'll cover the table in your own spray and be glared at with an incredible expression. You'll immediately rank high on the 'Dad's Creepy Moments' list.

There is only one way to avoid it. If you feel it coming, look down immediately. Your clothes will get soaked, but it's better than having your soaked face seen or ruining your family's dinner. Let's practice.

You need to be careful even when you're using a public restroom.

Usually, a fit of laughter makes you burst out from your mouth, but for some reason, when you're urinating, your rear end relaxes and you start bursting out from there too.
In other words, you fart.

Let's say you're hit by a fit of laughter from a memory while you're urinating.
You can't just burst out laughing in a public restroom. I clench my mouth shut and put strength into my stomach to stop myself from bursting out. But at that moment, my rear end is relaxed because I'm urinating. Because I put strength into my stomach, a fart pops out from my relaxed rear end.

I'm an adult, so I don't laugh at something like a fart. However, if I'm barely holding back laughter, a single fart like that can be a fatal blow.

I burst out a little from the damage of the fart, and I hurriedly put strength into my stomach to stop it. But because I put strength into my stomach, I fart again. A giggle leaks out, and a toot leaks out. That situation becomes funny again, so I giggle and toot. The laughter becomes unstoppable, and the farts become unstoppable too.
This vulgar duet continues until I finish urinating.

If I were alone, I could just grin and think, 'Well, I spent some silly time,' but the problem is when there are other people in the restroom.
In that case, well, just like with the iced coffee, the laughter becomes contagious, and the farts become contagious along with it.

Try to imagine the person next to you in the restroom suddenly starting to repeat giggles and toots. My own abs would instantly collapse too.
And since I'm in the restroom, I'm naturally urinating too, so if I burst out from my mouth, I also burst out from my rear. The performance of giggles and toots begins.
Eventually, it spreads to everyone in the restroom, becoming a grand symphony of laughter and farts. And if the people in the stalls join in the performance... let's stop here because it's too vulgar.

If you write it down, it sounds like hell, but since everyone is smiling during the performance, it's actually a surprisingly peaceful scene. However, the moment the performance ends and you make eye contact, the atmosphere becomes hellish again, so you should leave the restroom immediately and forget about it.

I can't think of any workaround for this. You just have to forget it.

Like this, fits of laughter from memories are extremely dangerous and cause tragedies. And there are people on note and X who scatter interesting stories trying to trigger these fits of laughter. I think they can be treated as a kind of curse or terrorism.

However, as someone who writes like this, even if it's just a hobby, and someone who believes that essays are only worth it if they make you laugh, I do have a longing to write an essay that makes you unable to stop laughing once you remember it.

I'm happy when people tell me, 'It made me chuckle,' but I want to be troubled while feeling happy by being scolded, like, 'I was about to burst out laughing while reading it on the train, and even though I stopped reading, I ended up remembering it and bursting out laughing. What are you going to do about this?' or 'Whenever I see my boyfriend's (girlfriend's) face, for some reason I remember this story and start grinning, and they think I'm creepy. How do you intend to take responsibility for this?'

While I was thinking about things like that and grinning in front of the refrigerator, my daughters were suddenly watching me from right nearby. They had expressions that seemed to say, 'You love the refrigerator too much, it's creepy...' I wasn't grinning because I adored the refrigerator, but even if I tried to explain, any part of what I was thinking would probably just make me seem even creepier, so I couldn't think of a good excuse.