What I Saw When Facing Children As They Are: 'Freedom and True Wishes'

Citizenship for Children is an online program run by PIECES where participants learn and practice together how to be in a way that is comfortable for both children and themselves.

We conducted interviews to find out what thoughts the graduates had when joining and what they felt through the program.

The speaker this time is Maya, a 2022 CforC graduate.
The interviewer and writer is Hiromii, a 2023 CforC graduate.

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Motivation for joining CforC

"When children deviate from the 'ideal child' image held by adults, they are sometimes treated as 'problem children' who trouble adults. Concerned about the eyes of such adults and worried about being scolded, children may become unable to speak their true feelings... It is important for children to be able to remain children and be themselves," says Maya, a 2022 CforC graduate.

Hearing stories of children's suicides in her vicinity, she thought, 'Isn't there a need for a place other than home or school where they can speak their true feelings?' and began searching online for [high school girl place] on a daily basis.

She found 'CforC' in a blog article, and was drawn to the idea that 'even an ordinary citizen who is not an expert can do something for children,' and decided to participate, thinking, 'Maybe there is something I can do too? And it seems like I could meet people who think the same way'.

What I felt, what left an impression, and what changed during the program

She says she had an experience where she was able to remove her own 'frame of correct answers' during a CforC workshop called 'Reflection (*1)'.
(*1 'Reflection' refers to objectively looking back on one's own words and actions. In CforC reflection, it is a workshop where the team objectively looks back on events that actually happened surrounding children.)

Maya (hereinafter Maya): 'The child themselves isn't troubled, but adults try to do something about a situation that looks troublesome from an adult's perspective. Because adults view the child as a problem, they sometimes become a 'problem child.' However, even if adults make it a problem, it doesn't mean the child themselves can move forward. What the person themselves thinks and feels is what is important'

From that realization, it seems there was a change in Maya herself.

Maya: 'Before, there was a part of me that wanted to say things that sounded like the correct answer, but thanks to this reflection, I became able to positively grasp the moments when I spoke as 'that was different, that is my own realization.' The fear when speaking also decreased.'

'By listening to different perspectives and opinions from different people, I realized that there is no single correct answer to things, and there are diverse aspects. I was also able to affirm my own personality, which I had thought was indecisive, by hearing that there are many ways to see things and that it is a personality that can accept them. I think that if I am myself, those around me can also be themselves.'

By understanding through reflection that the way children are seen and perceived varies from person to person, and that the person's own realization is important, Maya herself became free from the obsession that she must say the 'correct answer', and became able to value her own realizations and accept things as they are.

Motivation for advancing to Action Support and realizations

Maya: After taking CforC, 'I thought that because I am a citizen, because I am not an expert, there are things I can do to be close to children. I decided to take Action Support (*3) because I wanted to be pushed forward and take action! While receiving Action Support, I was able to realize that 'even things I don't possess but know about are resources,' and I was also able to rediscover local community resources that I hadn't even paid attention to before.'
(*3 'Action Support' is a course where, after completing CforC2022, you think of and realize concrete practical projects yourself. There were opportunities for staff accompaniment and dialogue between participants.)

What I felt and what left an impression in Action Support

Initially, Maya wanted to create a place for middle and high school students, but by thinking about a 'persona (*4)' as an assignment for Action Support, it seems she changed it to a place that also targets children and the adults involved with them. This was because she felt on a daily basis that the current child-rearing environment has few safe and secure environments where parents can easily speak their true feelings.
(*4 'Persona' is one of the 'target settings' in marketing and product development.)

Maya works in administration at a nursery school, and watching the parents who attend the school, she felt that 'there are few times or places where parents raising children can talk about themselves as people, not as parents or company officials.'

NVC (*5) is also utilized in Maya's 'place'.
(*5 NVC is an abbreviation for Nonviolent Communication, a communication method sometimes translated as 'nonviolent communication' or 'empathetic communication.' It is a method that connects to one's true wishes from emotions, based on the idea that 'there are wishes behind people's emotions'.)

Maya: I'm not very good at honestly expressing my own 'I want to do this' thoughts, and I sometimes wish there were a safe and secure place where I could express my own self, wishes, and feelings, which I tend to put on the back burner. I used to believe that a mother who sacrifices herself to serve her family was the ideal, and I would feel resistance to expressing my own true feelings and wishes on my own.

In the busyness of life, by constantly putting myself last, I would build up frustration and end up scolding my children too harshly, saying things like, 'Did you clean up properly? Did you do your homework?!'
Even though I knew in the back of my mind that 'this is my own feeling, and it's not the child's fault,' the parent-child bond is so close that anger toward the child can sometimes flare up.

When using NVC, you realize that such a mother's ideal of 'wanting my child to do things properly' comes from her own wishes, such as 'wanting my child to be loved.' When there is a place where you can safely express your true feelings, you can notice your true wishes and regain yourself.

Children grow within the relationships between people.If someone in the family relaxes, a place for the child is created there.

What I think now, looking back after completing the program

Maya: After all, I also have a desire to provide more places where middle and high school students can speak their true feelings I think it's important to have someone nearby who is a little older than you, someone you can talk to without worrying about positions like senior or junior. Because we face each other as 'person to person,' as fellow citizens, rather than by position, we can speak our true feelings as they are.

A middle school student I met at a place for children called out to me on the bus. I was happy that they remembered me. It's about having a presence that you can remember, 'I wonder how they are doing?' even when you are not with that person. If I can think that way, I can believe that the other person is thinking the same about me.

A relationship and a place where you can speak your true feelings and be yourself. Such connections are necessary for both adults and children. Maya still cherishes the citizenship she learned at CforC: 'a flexible and gentle way of being that acknowledges oneself and acknowledges differences in others.'

Acknowledging yourself and acknowledging others who are different from you. And a relationship where you can wish for that person's happiness even when you are not together. A daily life with such gentle relationships.
At CforC, as a citizen and as herself, Maya realized that such gentle ways of relating exist, and she is now wrapped in that gentleness through the places she creates in her life.

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Speaker: CforC 2022 Graduate Maya
Listener/Writer: CforC 2023 Graduate Hiromii

'Donations that nurture the future,' together with PIECES. PIECES has restarted as a certified NPO.

The issue of 'isolation' behind the wounds that children carry.


While there are many direct support activities for children who carry wounds, we believe that the thoughts, perspectives, and ways of being of each citizen living alongside children are what is truly important
. The CforC (Citizenship for Children) program, which has been ongoing since 2016, has had over 650 participants from all over the country, and graduates are creating diverse actions that foster connections between children and adults in their communities. It is difficult to produce visible, major results immediately, but sowing the seeds of relationships and trust is what will become the power to change society 10 or 20 years from now.

PIECES continues to engage in activities every day that can be called 'soil preparation' for such a future.