The New Phase of the Woman Who Wanted to Die

A mother with her head in the clouds.

It's been a few months since I became that.
Thanks to starting the pill,
my emotions, which had been unstable since puberty,
have begun to settle.

Truly, the pill saved me to a life-changing degree.
At the same time,
I've incorporated nutritional therapy and exercise,
and while I hope to live without relying on the pill someday,
I'm keeping that thought loose.

And, while being negative used to be my specialty,
I don't get stuck in that swamp anymore.

It's not that I don't get negative.
Even if you live normally,
even if your head is in the clouds,
things that happen, happen.

The old me,
especially during the unstable time before my period,
would have been swallowed by those waves and drowned.

But,
I've grown strong, Mother.
Was I always this strong?
I feel something solid within me,
to the point where I wonder that.

Until now, I only focused on my shadow side,
but if I turn around, there was an equally large sunny side.

My clumsy, clumsy self, as I call it,
the inner me,
is also very reassuring
and lives alongside me.

Instead of brushing off the negativity,
I fully savor it.
I savor it until it soaks into my whole body,
and feel it completely.
I don't look away from that version of myself.

When I do that,
I ask what my inner self
has to say.

It gives me words so reassuring they are impressive.

Until now,
I hadn't noticed at all
that such a reassuring presence existed.
I think I didn't want to notice.

I wanted to be the unhappy me,
the pitiful me.

But,
once I could hear my true voice,
I'm spurred on,
told that I don't have a single second to spare for that.

The me who thought it was hell to have to be with myself 24/7,
the me who thought a short life was better and that it would be happy to die early,
is now
blooming like this
and living every day.

Has the time finally come
for me to make others happy...
I

mutter, that's how much
I've changed.

Now, I'm looking forward to
seeing what happens from here!

I had a fever yesterday and felt terrible,
so I skipped my note for the first time.
I wondered if
the consecutive posting count would still update even with a video upload?
I tested that question I'd had for a while,
and it updated!🤩

When you get sick,
your motivation tends to drop, doesn't it?
Just tonight, in that very state,
the community I'm participating inhad an online stream
about "Motivation Theory."

The result:
Quietly and calmly, just do it.

I was truly
struck by these words
and felt compelled to start typing.

It's funny how
once you start writing,
things just start coming out.

I have entered a phase where I make others happy,
so it seems like
a lot of things are about to start moving.

Quietly and calmly.

I really love those words.