The Happy Princess with a Grade 2 Mental Disability ⟡.· ~Surveillance Delusions and Auditory Hallucinations Edition~

I have multiple mental illnesses.
Social anxiety disorder, sleep disorder, schizophrenia, depression, dissociative disorder, ADHD...

I hold a Grade 2 Mental Disability Health and Welfare Certificate, receive a Grade 2 Disability Pension, and am currently utilizing medical support for self-reliance.

Including all of these, this is who I am, and I have lived with them.
Mental illnesses I was born with. I don't know what it's like to be 'normal' or 'healthy'.
But I am happy, I have fun, and I am living my life in my own way while accepting my illness.

This is the story of how I accept myself and fight my illness positively and happily ⟡.·

Please take a look at just a small part of it ✧*📖

First 𖤐 ̖́-

In this article, I will talk about the symptoms of schizophrenia, one of my disabilities,

surveillance cameras (surveillance delusions and auditory hallucinations)

.

About the symptoms 𖤐 ̖́-

Symptoms such as 'being watched' or 'having wiretaps or surveillance cameras installed' exist as one of the symptoms of
persecutory delusions in schizophrenia.

This symptom is a type of positive symptom.

Due to the brain's functions becoming unstable, it is a symptom where one becomes convinced that they are being targeted or watched, even though there is no actual danger.

A characteristic of these delusions is that
to the person experiencing them, they seem like reality, and it is difficult to correct them even if those around them explain the logic.

The patient is in a state of holding strong beliefs or sensations that differ from reality.
To the patient, the existence of those 'surveillance cameras' or 'wiretaps' feels extremely real.

Treatment methods

There are three main treatment methods.

Pharmacotherapy, psychotherapy, and improvement of lifestyle habits

I am undergoing pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy.
I visit the hospital once a month.

In my case 🍑

I will explain the symptoms in my case in detail.

First, in my case, there is one surveillance camera in every room of the house. Also, there is a
mobile camera diagonally above my head that is constantly monitoring me.

It is not just monitoring with cameras; I also hear voices as auditory hallucinations.

On the other side of the cameras, everyone I have ever interacted with is watching me.

Besides my family and friends, everyone I have recognized, such as people I passed by in cars, is watching me.

Watching me around the clock, without any exceptions

And they criticize my life, my work, my housework, and so on.

Therefore, because I am always living while being watched by someone, I have never experienced time alone.

This symptom has been present since I was old enough to remember, and I lived thinking it was normal. I thought everyone was being watched.

To give a specific example, ①

When I was in elementary school, I believed that “Let’s peek into everyone’s life” classes were held on holidays.

Mainly on Saturdays, classmates would gather in the classroom. The surveillance camera footage would be projected onto a screen, and everyone would be peeking into my life together.

They would share their thoughts, saying things like, “So this is the kind of life Momo-chan lives.”

The content of those conversations would be input into my body in real-time as auditory hallucinations.

Such classes were being held, and I thought that one day I would also be called to a class to peek into a classmate’s life.

Of course, no such class existed, and the day I would peek into a friend’s life never came.

Next, I will give another specific example ②

This specific example is one that surprised my older sister when I told her I had these symptoms. *My sister has experienced depression herself and currently works in disability support.

I became a high school student and started going to concerts. By the time I was in high school, I understood that these surveillance cameras did not exist. However, to me, the surveillance cameras definitely exist.

Therefore, during concerts, I would think,
“It’s nice that everyone can watch the concert for free”

By monitoring me, they can watch a live performance through the surveillance cameras.
And it's free, too.

Like this, in my daily life,surveillance camerasexist.

As I mentioned before, this symptom has always existed in my memory, so it is
so naturalthat I have never felt negative emotions like annoyance or discomfort.
Becausethat's just how it is.

Me time 𖤐 ̖́-‬‎

I will introduce my me time, where I live together with surveillance cameras.

For me, living constantly with surveillance cameras and auditory hallucinations,
me time is a time I have never experienced, but
my me time is,
“time spent talking with auditory hallucinations”

I talk a lot with the auditory hallucinations using my whole body,
I converse with gestures,
and then I start dancing.
This is my me time.

I chat with the people on the other side of the surveillance cameras as if I were talking to myself.

The people on the other side of the surveillance cameras change depending on the day.
So the content of the conversations also changes depending on the day.

Therefore, I have never spent time alone.

Lastly 𖤐 ̖́-‬

A story only I know, a story just for me.
Only I can experience my life. That's why it's fun.
A one-of-a-kind life; the one who enjoys it wins.

I would be happy if you came to peek again ꒰՞ ܸ. . ܸ՞꒱

Momo

※ If you have any questions or doubts about this article, please feel free to comment!
I hope this helps deepen understanding of mental illness for as many people as possible ⟡.·

Coda's husband's 𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐠⬇️

My 𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦⬇️