Our 'Inherent Rights' and Boundaries

In visiting nursing,

sometimes,

I receive consultations about interpersonal relationships.




Everyone,


there are so many truly kind people.



That is precisely why,


they prioritize others too much.



They endure too much.



The boundary between themselves and others,

becomes a little blurred.



And,


their hearts become exhausted.

First, I tell them this.



The other person and yourself,

I say, 'You two are separate individuals.'


And, between you,

there exists something called a boundary.

This is true,


even for close couples,


you are both separate individuals,


and although it is invisible, there is a boundary.

You and the other person,


have different backgrounds.


The lives you have walked,

up until now, are also different.



Therefore, naturally,


your values,

your ways of feeling,

your ways of thinking,

and your perspectives are different.


The things you like,


the things you dislike,


and your desires are different.



Of course,

it is precisely because there are parts that are similar,

that you are together.

But,
actually,

that is only a small part.



The two of you,

are beings that are naturally different.

And next, what I convey is,



'We have,

inherent rights,

that we are born with,'

is what I say.

There are so many people who do not know this.


For example,


'I am allowed to say NO, I am allowed to refuse'


'I am allowed to make mistakes'


'I am allowed to express my own opinions and feelings'


'I am allowed to change my mind'

'I do not have to carry other people's problems'


'I am a person who should be respected as an equal'

These are such rights.




When I talk about this,


"Wait, are we allowed to do that?"


Many people are surprised.



It is okay to say no.


It is okay not to hold back.


It is okay to make mistakes.


It is okay to express your feelings.

Yes.
In reality,

These are natural things.

Your thoughts,

Your emotions,

And your actions.


Originally, these are things you should decide for yourself.



They are not things that should be controlled by others.

Recently, there was a situation like this.


For a long time,

A wife who had been enduring much.

She had been living with her boundaries constantly crossed by her husband,

I suppose.



During a visit the other day,

when I spoke about this,


the wife had a look of sudden realization.



The wife,

for a long time,

had been dependent on alcohol,

and was someone who had been hospitalized.


I think the method of drinking was wrong.

But,

I think her heart was in that much pain.


I think she wanted to fill the void in her heart.



She is stable now with medication.

However,

at the root,

if the relationship dynamic of male chauvinism does not change,

she will likely suffer again.

Suppressing oneself to avoid conflict.

Swallowing what you want to say.


Continuing to endure.



That,

slowly chips away at your heart.

Your boundaries are being crossed.

That is why I,

want you, as a wife,

to be able to say,

'This is what I think.'



Because you are a person who deserves to be respected.



Family,

and human relationships, by nature,


should not be things that cause suffering.


They should not be things that bind you,

or things that control you.

'I thought you understood.'

'I wanted you to guess how I felt.'


I think those feelings are natural.

But that,

means that your boundaries,

have become blurred.



'Do I really have to say it for you to understand?'

Please, do say it.

Please communicate it through words.

Please respect it.

In any relationship,


you must not trample over boundaries,


and you must not let yours be crossed either.


While respecting each other's values and backgrounds,


build a relationship
through words.



'I am me. You are you.'


Based on that,

'I think this way, but'

you think that way,' and find common ground.

And then,


if we could look for a 'third option'

where both of us can feel a little more comfortable...



Mutual respect,

that kind of relationship,

might be the truly kind relationship.

In all interpersonal relationships,

Valuing boundaries.

Also, I would like everyone to

keep in mind that

we all have

fundamental human rights,
from birth.

These will help

alleviate stress and guilt in your interpersonal relationships.

You will be able to cherish yourself.

Your self-esteem will increase.

I truly hope that

your distress will be eased.

It looks like it will be hot again today🌞

Please stay hydrated frequently😊💧

Thank you for staying with me

until the end today🙂‍↕️🌹🐾