I Started an Experiment to Prioritize Myself

Hello. I'm Minami.
Here, I share my before-and-after, the catalysts for change, and the realizations I've had as I've begun to heal my mind and body, following a long period of struggling with life in general—including my mindset, mental health, relationships, romance, and physical well-being.

Even if you're going through a hard time, it will be okay. It will absolutely be okay. I'm sharing this from a place where I truly believe that. I hope it can be of help to someone.

I write about the importance of prioritizing yourself, but
until recently,
I didn't know what I was feeling,
or what I wanted to do,
and I spent my time prioritizing others over myself.

That was me when I once conducted an "experiment to prioritize myself" at work.
I finally succeeded on my third attempt.

[Experience] The First and Second Attempts

I had previously tried an "experiment to prioritize myself" at work,
and I succeeded on the third try.

The first time, I couldn't get the understanding of those around me, and I ended up quitting.
The second time, while it wasn't the direct cause, I was fired.
I was working seriously, though. (I can laugh about it now.)

To put my state of mind back then in one word—I was operating out of fear.

I was afraid of being blamed. I was afraid of being the bad guy.
So, it was natural for me to watch those around me, read the room, and try to keep my boss in a good mood.

As for what I was feeling or what I wanted to do,
I felt there was no point in having those thoughts in such a situation.

Thinking that way,
before I knew it, I had lost track of where I had put them.
It had been like that since I was a child,
so I became an adult without really understanding the feeling of prioritizing myself.

[The Difference from My Current Workplace]

Now, I don't try to keep people in a good mood. I draw boundaries between myself and others.

• Other people's emotions belong to them; I just observe that they are angry.

• I don't get close to people who are in a bad mood.

• I don't listen to people who only say things that suit their own convenience.

• I believe that I can state my opinion and that it will be heard.

I decide whether or not to quit. I don't just endure things.
Once my stance changed, the people around me changed too.

[Realization] The trigger for change was anger.

"Why doesn't everyone around me treat me with care?"
That anger toward others
eventually turned into a question about myself.

And then I realized.

The one who was treating me the most carelessly was, without a doubt, myself.

I had little experience in cherishing myself and didn't know what that felt like.
So, I started by taking an interest in myself.
I began asking myself questions, accepting my emotions and sensations,
and finding out what I wanted to do. Then, I brought that into the outside world.

That process changed my world.

It took time, but now I am unshakable.
The fear and anxiety I had in the past are gone, and
I have a sense of security, stability, and— the feeling that no matter what happens, I will be okay.

I hope this can encourage someone else to take a courageous step.