Do People with High Self-Esteem Never Break? The Strength Truly Needed to Bounce Back

In a previous article, I wrote about how
“simply raising your self-esteem is not enough to get through the coming era.”

That said—

You must have heard it at least once.

“Believe in yourself more,”
“Let’s raise our self-esteem.”

When you are feeling down,
when you have failed,
when you have lost confidence.

These are words often spoken in such situations.

Of course, there are people who are saved by these words.
In fact, I have seen it many times in the field.

However, in my more than 20 years of involvement in exam guidance and education,
I have always felt a sense of unease.

That is—

Just because someone has high self-esteem does not mean they will never break.

And one more thing.

People with high self-esteem can sometimes sink deeper when they do break.

■ It is not a problem when things are going well

When things are going smoothly, people naturally become positive.

・You achieved results
・You were praised
・You were recognized

At times like these, you can think
“I can do it” without even trying.

In other words—
When things are going well, self-esteem rises on its own.

That is not the problem.

Where the real difference shows is
when you fail.

You put in the effort but didn't get results.
You felt down comparing yourself to others.

At times like that, people think like this.

“I can't do it.”
“I'm still not good enough.”

What happens if you try to rely on self-esteem here?

You end up trying to force yourself to be positive.

“I can do it.”
“It's okay.”
“I'm sure it will go well next time.”

Even though you don't really feel that way, you try to make yourself think so.

Then, another version of yourself whispers in your heart.

“No, that's impossible.”

At this moment, a split occurs within your heart.

Surface → The positive self
Inside → The doubting self

What happens to a person if this state continues?

You become unable to move.

■ What is different about people who can bounce back?

Let me tell you my own story here.

My fourth attempt at the Land and House Investigator examination.

I cleared the multiple-choice cutoff.
I also cleared the written format cutoff.

However—

I failed by a total of 1.5 points.

The moment that happened, what I thought was

“What do I need to do to pass?”

Just one more correct answer to pass.
But that 'one more answer' feels the furthest away.

Even so, the words I said to my family were,

'It seems God doesn't want to recognize me as a legal expert just yet. Will you let me try one more time?'

My wife smiled and said,
'Good luck.'
with just those words.

At this moment, I wasn't being positive.
It's not that I wasn't feeling down.

There is just one thing I did.

I accepted reality.

I gave it my all.
And yet, I still didn't make it.

In other words,
'There is something still lacking,'
I acknowledged that.

This is what I also wrote about in my book, 'Passing Power Thinking: The Strength to Pursue Your Goals in Your Own Way' (Taiyo Shuppan), ashealthy self-negation.

■ The difference is not in 'feelings' but in 'how they are handled'

The difference between those who can bounce back and those who cannot is not
positivity.

There is only one difference.

Whether or not you know how to handle your emotions.

There are days when you cannot control your emotions.
But you can choose your actions on any given day.

That is why what is important is,

not changing your emotions,
but returning to a state where you can choose your actions.

■ The strength truly needed

Here is a question for you.

Which one do you need?

Is it the power to always believe in yourself?
Or is it the power to restore yourself when you've fallen apart?

I believe it is the latter.

Everyone wavers.
Everyone gets lost.
Everyone feels down.

But—

There are those who can bounce back, and those who cannot.

The power that creates this difference is
resilience.

■ Something I want you to think about today

Finally, here is an important question.

When your emotions are shaken, what kind of actions do you take?

Emotions are meant to be shaken.
The act of wavering itself is not the problem.

The problem is
not knowing how to bounce back.

People who have a way to bounce back are strong.
That is not a talent; it is a skill.

And anyone can acquire this skill.

First, let's learn how to restore your emotions based on your past experiences.
From there, let's acquire your own unique technique for restoring your emotions.

Also, for the time being, I will be sharing my thoughts on "self-esteem" here every Monday night, so please look forward to it!

The "how to create a mindset that can bounce back even after falling apart" that I shared this time is explained in detail in my book.
If today's content resonated with you even a little, I would be happy if you picked it up when the time feels right.
The book is available at the link below ▼