NPD Theater—Light and Shadow | Act III
Part I: In Search of Light
Before I knew it, my father was watching me from the audience.
As long as I am in the light, my performance will not falter.
My father knows—that is the proof of a true lead actor.
And that light is the only thing that brings me peace.
As long as there is light, the sand will not drag me away to the desert.
…That is what I believed.
Part II: The Chasing Sand
The sand waits in the wings.
It rustles, constantly clinging to my feet.
I cannot rest, lest the sand take me to the desert.
My father's gaze remains fixed on the stage so that the light does not fade.
The stage does not sleep. It must not sleep.
Peace only comes from continuing to perform.
Yet, beneath that stage, the hot sand is still moving.
…That is what I believed.
Part III: Memories of Sand
The sand knows.
It knows I was once helpless.
That should have been a forgotten memory.
Yet, there are moments when I feel its shadow.
And suddenly, I am terrified to find myself standing in the desert.
However, the light saves me.
The light keeps the sand at bay and illuminates the stage.
Yes, I must continue to stand there.
…That is what I believed.
Commentary
A daughter who seeks peace by meeting her father's expectations. The conviction that "I can do it" clashes with the anxiety that "if I don't, I have no value." The complex psychology born of an excessive need for approval, self-esteem, and impatience drives her onto the stage. Because she feels an inferiority complex somewhere deep down—that if she isn't playing the lead, she is nothing—that belief only grows stronger.
Afterword
I have symbolically depicted the self-esteem gained from satisfying the need for approval as 'light,' the anxiety of being unable to stop seeking that satisfaction as 'sand,' and the inferiority complex that emerges when one stops as 'shadow.' The story here bears a striking resemblance to the structure of faith in religion. Once someone finds 'salvation (light),' they dedicate all their actions to it. In that state, the feelings of others—and even one's own feelings—lose their relevance. The doctrine becomes common sense, unshaken by external persuasion or internal doubt, and effectively becomes 'non-resettable.' The reason you feel you cannot get through to someone with NPD is precisely because there is a strength there that resembles faith.