When you're unsure about which job to choose, try thinking, 'If I actually say it out loud, how does it feel?'

A place to return to your honest self.
I am Eri Hoshina, a life coach and the consultant closest to you.

I create services as an individual, providing support online and in person to guide you toward your true feelings, strengths, and desired future.

Today, I would like to write about the changes in my state of mind recently!

Until now, I didn't know what to write in the occupation field, but I have become able to write "Self-employed".

The other day, I graduated from a coaching course, and to present my changes over the past six months, I looked back on various things and summarized them in a text.

What struck me was that on a medical questionnaire at the dentist's office the other day, I wrote 'Self-employed'!.

That said, I am still only earning about 10% of the income I am aiming for...

Until last year, I would leave the occupation field blank on gynecological questionnaires, and then the nurse would politely come to ask, "What is your occupation?"

I would stammer and say something like, "Oh... I work as a writer at home." Even though no one had asked me to write any articles.

Well, I was earning some income on note, so I desperately made excuses to myself, thinking it was fine. (Sigh...) Seeing the nurse's uncertain look of "Is that really true?" made me feel embarrassed, and above all, my heart tightened.

That is why, for the past few years, I have been searching for "somewhere that suits me" where I could work comfortably from 10:00 to 15:00. But such a place didn't exist.

I wanted to be able to say, "I'm a part-timer," or "I do office work at such-and-such company," or "I work in childcare."

I felt that would have more credibility, or rather, it felt like someone who was standing on their own two feet (personally). I wanted to become that.

Until now, I just wanted an affiliation, thinking that if I were someone who did creative activities in between, I wouldn't be looked at with suspicion!

I sought such a place and wanted to be able to call myself that, but...

even when I finally called myself that, my heart was not satisfied at all.

When I was learning coaching questioning techniques, there was an example question: "If you actually say that out loud, how does it make you feel?", and I thought it was incredibly effective.

Because when I put my hand on my chest and said 'I'm a part-timer,' it felt really awful.

Ah, I realized I wanted to be "someone who sells something themselves and makes people happy".

When I met with my tax accountant in February 2024, I wanted to disappear from the feeling of, 'I'm so sorry for coming to consult with such meager sales... (embarrassed),' and when asked what kind of services I provide, I answered, 'Oh, I'm an illustrator. And also, coaching...'

That's because saying 'illustrator' makes it instantly clear what I do, and I had only just started coaching in January... (In truth, I felt so much hope for coaching at this point, but since I had almost no sales yet. First of all, people who don't know what coaching is wouldn't understand anyway.)

So, I wanted to escape explaining it, and that's why I said that.

Clearly, my illustrator sales were higher, so that was surely fine. But, my heart was aching again, and I couldn't even look the tax accountant in the face.

There was no energy behind my words.

I was seen through for trying to protect myself with an unnecessary extra comment like, 'I'm doing coaching... oh, no, I'm still not really there yet...', and it made the atmosphere awkward again.

If I showed them Parinko's Instagram (Niigata cafe account), they would probably say, 'Wow!'

But that's not it.

My heart is, coaching, or rather, listening to the stories of people who are struggling in the same way to draw out their strengths, or listening to worries via message and responding with words—that is my main job, and being an illustrator is my side job.

From then on, I decided to spend the time I had been putting into my cafe's Instagram on Atelier Sunao (my own coaching sessions) instead. (I let go of 2,000 followers.)

I dedicated my time to interacting closely with those who were interested in my sessions and said, I want to talk to you, Eri!

I still struggle with the dilemma of my conflict over illustration—the feeling that it's not what I truly want to do, yet I do it because it's expected of me, which makes me feel uncool and pathetic—while still wanting to meet the needs of my precious fans and wanting to earn money.

Even so, I realized in my six-month review that, without me noticing, my income from coaching (online and in-person) sessions had surpassed my income from illustrations!

If you decide to head in that direction, you will move toward it. It will be okay.

Even if I'm not earning enough to live on yet, I am allowed to write that I am self-employed and I am allowed to answer that way.

If someone asks, "Doing what?", I'll try saying, I provide support to help people draw out their strengths, both online and in person (this was suggested by my coaching mentor).

Because what matters is how it feels when you say it out loud.

That feels more like me, and above all, it makes my heart feel warm when I say it, so I want to answer that way from now on.

That said, illustration seems to be one of my weapons, and in the sense that people feel warm and healed when they interact with me, it might share something in common with my speaking and writing activities.

However, from now on, I'm going to think about who I want to use that power for. (I want to use it for people who will be incredibly happy.) (Should I make it an added value to my sessions, like a letter session?)

What I need to do now is to move the one person right in front of me (by pouring all my energy into it) and properly set up my service menu. (I'm bad at pricing, so I still haven't done it...)

By building it up like that, I hope to create a source of income by around December 2024, rather than just doing the services myself.

Regarding how I work, I also need to make sure I can earn passive income! I think.

This is because I've been prone to getting sick lately, it costs money to go to the dentist, and I feel a sense of crisis that if I collapse and can't do sessions, I'll have no income at all.

(Sometimes I have weak thoughts like, "If I were a company employee or a part-timer, I'd have some kind of injury and sickness allowance, and if I were just well enough to show up, I'd get paid an hourly wage just for standing there...")

Just the other day, I was nodding in agreement with a client who is also a fellow self-employed person, saying, "Self-employment income is directly linked to your physical condition, isn't it?"

"You should not cover your living expenses with labor income"

I saw this Jewish teaching in a book, and these days I feel deeply that it is truly correct.

Hmm, I'm also interested in Kindle publishing, but I don't know what to write, and if I were to do it, I'd want to take a proper course or get consulting to release it (currently, I don't have the funds for that). For now, maybe I should start by packaging my past works? Or digitizing my ZINEs, or releasing more paid notes? (I'd like to consult a professional on systems for this as well...)

Hmm. In any case, don't spread yourself too thin all at once; start by taking things one at a time right in front of you. That should be enough, right?◎

I've digressed a bit, but rather than what others might think, how does it feel when you say your current job out loud?

Do you like the version of yourself that you are in that role?

If you would like to talk or have a consultation, please feel free to contact me via my official LINE account.😌💫

https://lin.ee/F49SMhZ

I'm planning to start letter-writing sessions for those who aren't good at talking or who want to take their time and consult slowly!

▼ Testimonials from clients

▼I want to increase the number of people who live honestly, you can see the thoughts and struggles behind creating my brand name, 'Atelier Sunao,' here.