The reason I, who couldn't work well anywhere and lost my smile, learned to 'like myself'

Until my smile returned

Even though I am now gratefully told by many that I have a wonderful smile, a few years ago, my expression was like a Noh mask.

I couldn't smile properly, and I couldn't sleep.

I started my first job after graduation at a welfare facility, where I was hired as a childcare worker.

At the time, I was full of hope, dreaming, 'I can finally get out of this countryside!' and 'I can live alone and be independent!'

At my parents' house, my mother's words like 'Hurry up and become independent' and 'Act properly' felt heavy, and I thought I could escape from that, too.

But reality was not that sweet.

About a year later, I couldn't keep up with work, and my brain stopped functioning.

I couldn't understand the tasks the people around me were handling, nor what I needed to do myself.

Thinking back now, perhaps my brain was no longer functioning normally. I could only think vaguely, and I couldn't stop crying while at work.

When I was overflowing with tears in the nursery room in the morning, a senior colleague said, 'Because you're crying, I can't get the preparations done,' and I was filled with regret, shame, and misery. But there was nothing I could do...

And after that, I was diagnosed at a psychosomatic clinic with "adjustment disorder with depressed mood", and treatment began.

Living alone in a city where I didn't know anyone and had no one to rely on.

Even so, thinking 'I have to work,' my workplace gave me the opportunity to take a leave of absence. Looking back, I feel it was an understanding workplace.

However, even taking medication didn't make me feel better; if anything, my mental balance just kept falling apart.

After my leave, I changed departments and had my hours shortened, but in the end, I couldn't continue, and I decided to return to Niigata.

Even when I returned home, my family was cold, telling me I was 'pathetic' and asking 'why did you come back?', and I spent my days feeling lonely once again.

Deep down, I was panicking, thinking I have to work, no matter what. I was desperate.

But when your heart isn't healed, nothing you do works out. I spent several years just barely managing to force a smile, lie to myself, and work only to quit again.

And so, I fell into a trap of feeling cornered, wondering if there was no place left for me to live, since I couldn't even work part-time anywhere I went.

When my 'self-disclosure ability' was praised

After many twists and turns, I started my own blog and began working as a creator seven years ago. I encountered the word 'coaching.' What surprised me was when I was praised at a Coaching Press course, being told,



Eri, your ability to disclose yourself is amazing.!

'What is self-disclosure ability? Haha'

After all, I was just unable to hide my negative parts and was exposing my flawed self.

For someone like me who was always self-deprecating, I had never thought of that as a 'strength'.

But in that moment, I realized something.

That the parts of myself I thought were bad could actually resonate with someone else's heart.

That being my true self, rather than denying who I am and playing a fake version of myself, is actually my greatest strength.

Come to think of it, even on this note,

'I love your unpretentious, down-to-earth writing!'
'I find it beautiful and dazzling that you can be so honest and open.'

I have received comments like that from time to time, haven't I!
(Thank you so much~😭✨🧡)

When I started to think something was strange

Looking back, it wasn't just me; many people were suffering in the same way regarding how they worked.

A colleague who was bullied every time they changed jobs and lost 7 kilograms due to stress. A person who was constantly criticized by their seniors and always had a dark expression, thinking they were worthless.

People who would flinch every time something was said to them, or people who couldn't bear the tense atmosphere at those times.

People who are treated unreasonably based on their boss's likes, dislikes, or moods.

Every time I saw that happen, I started to wonder, 'Why do we have to suffer so much?'

After all, we work to live, so why does working have to hurt our hearts so much?

Why does everyone have to suppress themselves just to keep going?

That question kept growing larger and larger within me.

I felt that suppressed hearts were swirling inside so many people, and I wanted to set those hearts free, I wanted to tell them that it's okay to just be themselves; that desire became stronger and stronger.

That is why I decided to create my own work by putting my whole self out there.

In the past, I was afraid to show who I was and lived desperately trying to keep up appearances.

But now, I love myself! lol (I'm a bit of a narcissist, and I'm always drawing illustrations of my own face 😂)

Because I stopped lying to my own heart, that is.

I was also able to graduate from my clinic visits a long time ago 🎓

And I decided that if there is no place for me, I have no choice but to create one myself!

What I value most is creating a space where people can just be themselves.

Through coaching and dialogue, I want to convey that 'you are enough just as you are.'

I want you to feel that your existence itself has more value than your skills or achievements.

The truth is, you already possess so many treasures just as you are, and you are a wonderful person!✨

That is why I work as a coach and a provider of 'talisman messages,' hoping that you will live more confidently without pretending to be someone else.

However, to be honest, there is currently a 'be yourself boom' and there are so many people out there conveying similar messages!

In the midst of that, I wondered what I could do. I thought, since I don't have quantifiable achievements, is there even anything I can do to differentiate myself?😣??

Today, if writing this story of my own new-graduate adjustment disorder and the liberation of my suppressed feelings can resonate with someone, and if it leads to a day where I can convey even one good thing about them, I will be happy😊✨

▼ Please read the feedback from someone who had an online session with me last month; it touched me deeply and gave me strength🥰💪💫

Wow! That makes me so happy! 🥜

I didn't know that talking to me had such benefits! 😳 I had no idea! Haha

Thank you for letting me know~

That's right! I want to tell everyone that it's okay to show more of what's inside your heart! You won't be hated, and in fact, it makes life easier! Thank you for reminding me of that passion 😭🙏

I'm working hard on the October email session menu and other service menus right now, so please wait a little longer~!!

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