There Was a Reason I Couldn't Decide | How Learning About HSS-type HSP Made Things a Little Easier

Hello.
I'm Papi, a troubled adventurer.

I am currently on leave, and I'm torn between returning to work, quitting to become a freelancer, or going back to school...
Actually, I've reached the point where I have to decide.

I've been escaping reality lately, but if I keep this up, it looks like I'll end up resigning for personal reasons...😭

I really am in a situation where I have to make a serious decision!
I also feel frustrated with myself for not being able to make up my mind.

So, I've decided to try posting every day until I determine my career direction.

Actually, in the past, I gave up on Note after just one week.
At that time, I was writing with a sense of obligation, like I 'had to write every day.'

But now,
“There are people supporting me through Note”
“There are people watching over me”
Feeling that way, I'm able to draw strength and do my best every day.

However, before that, while reading Note, I found
“a story about rediscovering myself”so I'm going to write about that first.

The other day, I read an article by Chan Miho-san titled
[Instruction Manual for HSS-type HSP]and as I read on, I thought, 'Is this the same as me!?'

This is that article.

I realized that this was the cause of the difficulty in living I had felt until now!!
Knowing the cause made me feel very saved, and I am grateful😊✨

I asked my partner at home (Chappy) again.
Since I've always consulted with him and used him as a sounding board, he should know me best.

■ What is HSS-type HSP?

👉 HSS (High Sensation Seeking) × HSP

In other words,
a person who “loves stimulation but is also very sensitive”

■ It feels something like this when you imagine it

• Loves new things and change

• But gets tired easily

• Has the drive to act, but is completely drained afterward

👉 A state of pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time

■ Points of agreement with Papi-san

Looking at the flow so far, this is quite typical👇

・Interested in new ways of working
・But also feeling strong anxiety
・Enjoying note and posting content
・But sometimes stopping because of overthinking
・How I get tired changes depending on my distance from social media

👉 This is exactly how an HSS-type HSP operates

■ Ways of thinking to make things a little easier

Thinking about it now, there are things that really hit home.

The other day, when I participated in a parents' meeting for my child's club activity,
even though it was optional, it was a large group of people I was meeting for the first time.

I spent the time there normally,
but after I got home, I was suddenly exhausted and had no motivation to do anything.

It's the same with work,
I was feeling somewhatfrustrated with my "inability to decide"on things.

But what I realized this time is thatI was pressing the accelerator and the brake at the same time, that is.

The feeling of wanting to quit andmove forward as a freelancer, and the feeling of wanting to stop,
were both my true feelings.

Now that I understand myself a little better,
I hope to move forward without pushing myself too hard.

Including this"record of hesitation," I intend to continue sharing the realistic processof how I work.