I'm Afraid of "Please Feel Free to Chat"

The most terrifying announcement in the world: "Now, please feel free to chat."

A close second is "Pair up with someone."

"Pair up with someone" is something you don't encounter much as an adult, but I still run into chat time occasionally. It happens at company welcome parties, wedding after-parties, networking events, and recently, some online meetings even have icebreaker sessions.

For someone like me who is socially awkward, that time is nothing short of hell. What does "chat" even mean? Even when told "Go ahead, please!"... what am I supposed to talk about with people I don't know? With what kind of expression? In what kind of voice?

"Nice to meet you. I'm Nami Saito. I write essays in Nagoya."
"Oh, really? I'm so-and-so, I work in sales in Tokyo."
"Oh, I see. Sales sounds tough."
"Yeah, well." "Hahaha..."
The end.

How am I supposed to keep a conversation going with a normal person I've just met? I wish they had a more unusual job. I can't find any topics at all.

If I had a business card, I could stretch it out for another minute by saying things like, "That's a stylish card," or "The paper quality is nice," but eventually, the time would just continue forever with both of us offering awkward smiles. Sweat starts pouring from my armpits. What do I do, what do I do, how do I fill this silence...?

Ah, that area over there looks like they're having so much fun. What kind of training do you need to make a stranger laugh like that?
I'm sure this person also wants to escape to where those fun people are. It's okay, you can go! I'm so sorry that someone like me ended up talking to you.
Oh, I want to disappear from this place right now. I wish my phone would ring this instant. I could say, "Oh, I have to take this. Excuse me," and then walk outside while saying in a slightly loud voice, "Oh, hello, thank you for your hard work!"

Even if it's not one-on-one, like if I'm forced to talk with two other people, it doesn't go well.
At first, we all introduce ourselves and start a conversation with equal participation, but as my brain can't keep up, I gradually lose the timing to chime in. The other two get along better and better, and before I know it, I'm just standing there alone with an awkward smile, looking foolish. Maybe I should just sit down...?

Even if I'm alone, I don't know what kind of face I should be making. I have a slight desire to be spoken to, but even if someone does, the awkward smile time is waiting immediately after. I don't want to betray the expectations of someone who worked up the courage to talk to me, thinking, "This person looks interesting." I'm afraid of disappointing them.
I'm desperate to be left alone without people thinking, "That person is all by themselves, it's pathetic, maybe I should talk to them?"
Should I pretend to get a phone call? Should I open my laptop and pretend to be busy with work?

Please, please, please, chat time, end already!

Ah, if I had known it would be like this, should I have pretended I was about to have an accident and rushed to the bathroom, spending the entire chat time locked in a stall?
Or, if I had known this time was scheduled, should I have left early or arrived late?

Of course, if I could make friends with the people there during chat time, there's nothing better than that. I might make friends or it could lead to good work opportunities. Besides, the rest of the time would be much more enjoyable.

For someone like me who usually stays inside, I don't often get chances to talk to strangers like this. Isn't this a huge opportunity? Come on, me, try your best even if you're a little tired! I do think that sometimes.

But you know, I'm not feeling great today...
My brain might be working much slower than usual. I don't think I can come up with any funny retorts or good conversational volleys. Also, my makeup might be a bit of a failure. My clothes looked good when I saw them in the mirror at home, but they didn't look great when I saw them outside earlier.
I don't want to chat in this state and have people think, "Oh man, Nami Saito is such a boring person..."

Actually, I'm much more interesting than this!

Normally, I'm a bit cuter, have more sense, and am even capable of clever, sharp retorts.
So... let's save the chat time for another day.

Today, just this once, I'll pretend to get a phone call and go outside.
Oh, what a shame. I'll do my best next time.Needless to say, a one-person reflection meeting continued endlessly on the way home, in the bath after getting home, and before falling asleep at night.

The end