When You Feel Lonely Abroad, Your Brain's "Social Circuitry" Is Growing
The first wall you face when going abroad is not "language" or "culture," but—loneliness.
You can't make friends, your values don't align, and there's no one to rely on.
It's a time when you feel like you're losing sight of who you are.
But did you know that this "time of loneliness" is actually the most important "rewiring period" for your brain's growth?
■ Loneliness is not a sign of "stress" for the brain, but of "reconstruction"
According to research in social neuroscience, when we feel lonely, our brain actively engages a region called the "Social Brain Network."
This region is the foundation that supports human relationships, including empathy, imagination, understanding others, and self-awareness.
In other words, loneliness is a "warm-up exercise for seeking connection."
When human relationships are temporarily interrupted, the brain reconstructs its circuits while exploring "how to connect next."
Back in Japan, you felt a sense of security by "just being with people."
Overseas, that is not easily obtained because the culture and language are different.
That is precisely why the brain is forced to start asking, "What is a truly necessary connection?"
■ The "paradox" of oxytocin: After loneliness, connections deepen
Oxytocin is known as the "happiness hormone."
Many people think it is "secreted when interacting with others," but it is actually known that the preparation for its secretion begins even in the preceding stage,
when you feel loneliness or loss.
Oxytocin activates the very desire to "want to connect."
In short, loneliness is a time to press the "oxytocin switch."
On nights when you suddenly feel lonely while living abroad,
the moment you think, "I want to talk to someone" or "I want to share this"—
that feeling is not a weakness, but a sign of social resilience.
The pain of loneliness is also a form of "neural training" that cultivates the power to connect.
■ Differences in how to overcome loneliness, viewed through the "3-Layer Trait Activation Method"
There are also "trait tendencies" in how people react to loneliness.
Even in the same situation, feelings and actions differ depending on the brain type.
Sensitive Type: Sensitive to disconnection from others. Prone to feeling loneliness intensely and experiencing empathy fatigue. In such cases, a "habit of expressing emotions" through journals or art is effective.
Disciplined Type: Tends to view loneliness as a "weakness" and tries to cover it up by immersing themselves in work or study. You can maintain balance by not over-scheduling and being conscious of the "courage to rest."
Harmonious Type: Prone to feeling anxious about not belonging to a group. During periods of loneliness, having "loose connections" in online communities or groups with common themes is recommended.
Passionate Type: Tends to seek stimulation in loneliness and act excessively (traveling, meeting new people, etc.). By intentionally imposing "time to do nothing" on yourself, your introspection will deepen.
Creative Type: Tends to view loneliness as a time for creation, but can become too immersed and disconnect from others. It is good to consciously set aside time for "sharing" once a week.
There is no "correct way" to deal with loneliness; it is important to know "how to use loneliness that suits your own traits".
■ Analogy: Loneliness is a season like "winter"
If human growth were compared to the seasons, loneliness would be 'winter'.
On the surface, everything is quiet, but underground, the roots are spreading.
During the winter-like period of living abroad, you may feel like you 'have nothing'.
But at that very moment, your 'social circuitry' is growing deep within your brain.
The day will come when you can laugh naturally with others like in spring,
but only for those who have properly spent this time in winter.
Loneliness is a fallow period for growth. It is a time to cultivate your inner self, quietly and without haste.
■ A perspective to turn loneliness from an 'enemy' into an 'ally'
If you view loneliness as a 'problem,' you will want to run away.
However, if you view it as a 'process,' you can make the most of it.
Instead of thinking 'I am failing because I feel lonely abroad,'
if you can think 'I am in the middle of developing new social circuitry,' your heart will feel a little lighter.
In fact, those who can use loneliness well end up having richer relationships with others.
This is because those who have experienced loneliness learn about 'distance from others' and can also understand the 'loneliness of others'.
Loneliness abroad is a time to mature your 'power to connect'.
It is a sign that your social brain is being updated to fit a new world.
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