Writing. Encountering a self I cannot control.

Perhaps novels and entertainment are, after all, different things.

In the midst of my creative work, I sometimes find myself thinking about that.

Sentences that derail, refusing to fit into neat frames. Information that, for some reason, causes my thoughts to converge there, becoming endless. Words that overflow as far as they can if I try to write them.

Sometimes such a flow is born within me.

What I end up with is long-winded and boring, yet I don't feel bad about it somehow.

Such things are undoubtedly the kind that get cut during revision. I know that.

However, the more I try to force my creation into a framework, the more I feel like the inherent power of the writing itself is being lost.

I used to aim for things that fit perfectly into a frame, like a movie script.

In fact, when I read things like that, I am moved, and they are easy to understand.

A world where everything has meaning, and where there is an answer if you ask.

But for some reason, when I am actually writing a novel, I want to pretend that the process of creating such frameworks never happened.

When I write something that makes me ask, "What was I talking about again?", I used to feel like I had wasted my time.

Recently, I realized that it has become somewhat stifling, and it is also a cause for me to stop writing.

Perhaps I believed somewhere that everything within me could be controlled.

Because it can be controlled, I thought that if I could create an interesting framework or plot, I could turn it directly into interesting content.

My thinking has changed a little now.

Certainly, an interesting framework is necessary. But I have come to think that it might be necessary to create a flow that tries to escape from it.

Perhaps things that spill out of an interesting frame are even more interesting.

Well, this 'interesting' is just my own subjective opinion, so perhaps it's a waste of time to think about it.

Trying to capture those parts of myself that I cannot control is also part of the joy of writing, isn't it?