Misaki Sakura's Monologue: 'My Mother in the Past, and the Mother Generation of Today'

To be honest, my family was a bit strict.

There was a curfew, they were picky about my language,
and there were so many times I wondered, 'Why are you so obsessed with such tiny details?'

When I was little, I thought that was just normal,
but after hearing stories from my friends,
I realized, 'Oh, my family is actually kind of strict.'

My TV time was limited,
I couldn't go out to play until my homework was done,
and if I got bad test scores, I'd get scolded like it was nothing.

Thinking about it now, maybe that's all perfectly normal,
but back then, I felt pretty stifled.

Why are they so annoying?
Why do they want me to do everything so perfectly?
Why won't they just let me be a little more free?

That's all I ever thought about.

But you know,

now that I'm an adult and have seen all kinds of people,
I've started to understand a little bit.

I realized, 'My mother was someone who always had to do things properly.'

People of my mother's generation,
how should I put it, many of them live under the assumption that they can't afford to slip up.

Cook meals properly,
run the household properly,
raise children properly,
and make sure not to cause trouble for society.

Now, I understand the weight of that 'properly'.

Back then, I only saw it as being 'annoying',
but I think that was actually 'responsibility'.

And lately, I've been thinking about it,

when I see someone like Akai-chan.

At first glance, she seems incredibly free.
She speaks lightly, she jokes around,
and her sense of distance is somehow gentle.

But you know,

if you watch her closely, she's actually paying attention to people,
she's reading the room properly,
and she's keeping to the lines that shouldn't be crossed.

I think that's amazing.

My mother in the past put 'doing things properly' right out in front.
The mother generation of today does things properly while making it look relaxed.

That difference is huge.

In the past, 'Do it properly' was exactly what was said.
Now, they say 'Oh, it's fine' while still doing it properly.

They're doing the same thing, but it looks completely different.

To be honest,

there are times I feel a bit envious.

If back then, they had used a softer way of speaking,
and had a way of interacting that left a little more room for error,
maybe I could have accepted it more honestly.

But still,

I still think,

because of that strictness,
I am who I am today.

Greeting people properly,
not causing trouble for others,
keeping to the minimum standards.

All of that was drilled into me back then.

I understand now that kindness isn't just about soft words.
However,

if I were to be the one teaching someone something now,

I think I'd want to change it just a little.
Even if it's the same 'doing it properly',

I'd like to be able to say it with a little smile,

or convey it while leaving an escape route.
I think about that when I watch Akai-chan.

She's kind of sneaky, that one.

She does things properly,

but she's so good at making it look like she isn't.
And before you know it, everyone around her is doing things properly too.

I think that's probably the kindness of this current era.

It's not pushy, but it gets the point across.

My mother's way in the past,

and the way of the mother generation today.
It's not about which one is right,

I think it's just that the form has changed to match the times.
But,

there's probably one thing they both have in common.

The feeling of 'I want you to grow up properly'.

I think that, at least, has always been the same.

When I think of it that way,

even my mother's words that were a bit scary back then,

feel a little bit gentler now.
…Well, she still has a harsh way of saying things sometimes, though.

I feel a bit relieved that that part hasn't changed.

In the end, my mother is my mother,

and I am still me.
But,

the distance between us,

feels a little bit softer than it used to be.
Just a Sunday in April.