DAY 69: Encountering the 'True Words' Sleeping Deep Within My Heart

The 100-Day Story has reached DAY 69.

Today, I will talk about an important event that led me to encounter 'certain words' that had been sleeping deep within my heart.

Repeated trials and my 'habitual thinking'

Right now, I am facing the trial of overcoming a major mountain in my life.

'If I don't cross this mountain, my life will keep repeating the same things.'

The day I realized this, out of fear, I unconsciously began to play the 'victim'.

• Doubting the people who were telling me what I needed to hear, and even doubting their allies

• Hurling raw, unfiltered emotions directly at others

I don't actually want to do things like that...

In times like these, my habitual thinking patterns emerge.

'Even if I say it, it won't get through anyway.'
'I can't communicate well.'
'That's why I can't be with you anymore.'

It's this loop.

In the past, this is how I would distance myself from friends and communities, repeating the same regrets over and over.

The courage to stop the 'same old pattern'

Yesterday, I repeated the same thing again.

Regret has been crossing my mind all day today.
'I'm doing the same thing again!'
'Is it really okay to stay like this?'

I always reach a conclusion by myself, finish it by myself, and then regret it.

But today, I strongly felt, 'I don't want that anymore!'

So, I chose a different pattern than usual.
That was to 'have someone listen to me'.

The true words that overflowed through tears

While someone was listening to me, I kept saying this over and over.

'I'm sorry for always being like this and causing trouble for those around me.'

However, as I continued the dialogue, I realized something.

What I really wanted to convey was not an apology of 'I'm sorry'.

The true words that were deep in my heart were these.

'I want to be with you.'

I have always lost important people and important places because I couldn't say these words.

So today, I held these words tightly and tried saying them out loud.

It took a lot of courage, and I couldn't stop my tears while I was saying them.

But I finally crossed it.
I was finally able to put into words what I had never been able to say.

Right now, I am overjoyed.
Thank you so, so much.

Today's question

'Is there a 'sincere word' you truly want to convey that is sleeping deep inside your heart, covered up?'

Thank you for reading again today!
Let's meet here again tomorrow✨