Are We Capable of Waiting for the Words of Those Who Are Not Eloquent? — In a Society Where 'High Communication Skills' Are Overvalued

Recently, I went to a talk event.

It was a session where two authors were in conversation.

When I hear about a conversation between authors, I suppose I had imagined something a bit more fluid.

Witty remarks coming one after another. The topic expanding naturally. Laughter occurring here and there. An intellectual, lighthearted, and easy-to-listen-to time.

I feel like I was unconsciously expecting something like that.

But in reality, the two of them spoke more haltingly than I had imagined.

They were far from eloquent. Even when asked a question, they didn't answer immediately. They would lower their gaze slightly, think, and search for words. There was a long pause before a single word came out.

It was rare these days, but the silence and the time spent in contemplation were left right there in the room.

Yet, strangely, it wasn't boring.

The audience didn't rush that silence either. No one cleared their throat awkwardly. There was no atmosphere of irritation at the slow pace. Rather, everyone seemed to hold their breath quietly, waiting for the next words to emerge.

That time was truly wonderful.

After the talk event ended, I thought, 'That was a good session.' And at the same time, I wondered what communication skills really are.

Those two might not have been the type described as having 'high communication skills.'

They didn't steer the room lightly. They didn't make the audience laugh out loud. They didn't give witty responses immediately. They didn't keep the words flowing without interruption.

But it wasn't that they lacked communication skills at all.

Rather, there was a different kind of communication there.

The ability to think before speaking. The ability not to fear silence. The ability to wait until one's own words emerge. The ability not to rush to consume the other person's words. The ability to lead the entire room toward depth rather than speed.

I realized that this, too, is a communication skill.

We tend to view communication skills as the 'ability to speak well,' the 'ability to respond quickly,' or the 'ability to liven up a room.'

But what was present at that meeting was a much quieter power.

Even if there is silence, the relationship does not break.
Even if there are few words, the atmosphere does not wither.
Even if they do not answer immediately, the people listening do not leave.

That might actually be quite a sophisticated thing.

“People with high communication skills” look dazzling

“People with high communication skills” are certainly dazzling.

They can talk naturally even with people they meet for the first time.
They can soften the atmosphere of the room.
They can ease the tension of others.
They can join in well at meetings, drinking parties, and events.
They can give witty responses.
They are pleasant to everyone.
They are also good at drawing out stories from others.

When such people are present, the situation is helped.

Awkward silences decrease.
Conversations move forward.
People find it easier to connect with one another.
Work also becomes easier to move forward.

Therefore, I think it is natural that people with high communication skills are valued.

I myself have been helped by such people.
I have had them speak to me when I couldn't join the group, soften an awkward atmosphere, or casually pick up on what I was saying when I was at a loss for words.

Such people, after all, have power.

However, when that power is valued too highly, other problems arise.

People who can talk are superior.
Cheerful people have social skills.
People who can break the ice immediately are attractive.
People who can liven up the room are valuable people.

That is how it ends up looking.

Conversely, quiet people, people who are slow to speak, people who get stiff when meeting someone for the first time, and people who do not open up immediately are seen as somehow inferior.

Is that really the case?

Being able to talk to people immediately is certainly a skill.
But is not being able to talk immediately a lack of skill?

Are people who are slow to speak not thinking about anything?
Are people who are silent not participating in the situation?
Do quiet people have low ability to interact with others?

I cannot think so.

Even within quiet people, there are words

I think I am originally a quiet, reserved type.

When I was young, I wasn't very good at first meetings or spaces filled with small talk.

I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know how far I could step in.
I worried about whether the other person was bored.
I would think over and over later about whether I had said something strange.

There were also times when words wouldn't come out immediately during a conversation.

Even though I couldn't say it well at the time, I would think 'I should have said that' after returning home.
The meaning of the other person's words would slowly sink in later.
I couldn't organize my own feelings immediately either.

That's why I envied people who could talk well.

People who could reply immediately.
People who didn't let the conversation stop.
People who could make others laugh even at a first meeting.
People who could exist naturally in any setting.

When I saw such people, I felt a power that I didn't have.

But as I've gotten older, talking has become less painful than it used to be.

Maybe it's because I've gained more experience.
Maybe it's because I've gotten used to people's reactions.
Maybe it's because I've come to understand a little bit about what kind of person I am when I talk.

Now, I can talk to people better than before.
I can handle work-related interactions to some extent.
Speaking in front of people has also become not entirely impossible.

I think I have acquired communication skills in my own way.

But that is exactly why I think this.

I don't want to affirm only the me who has become able to talk, and deny the me who couldn't talk back then.

The me from back then also had words.
It's just that they couldn't be brought out immediately on the spot.

It's not that I wasn't feeling anything.
It's not that I wasn't thinking anything.
It's not that I wasn't interested in people.

Rather, perhaps I was feeling too much and thinking too much, which made it take time to put things into words.

Even among quiet people, there are words.
It's just that the speed at which those words come out sometimes doesn't match the speed society demands.

Society is prone to trusting 'people who can talk immediately'

In today's society, people who can talk immediately are easily trusted.

People who can give opinions instantly in meetings.
People who can explain themselves well in interviews.
People who can naturally exchange business cards at networking events.
People who can immediately share their thoughts on social media.
People who can speak confidently in presentations.

Such people appear to be capable.

In fact, they often are capable. It is important to be able to put your thoughts into words and convey them to others. Whether in work, creative endeavors, or other activities, the ability to explain is necessary.

However, 'being able to speak immediately' and 'thinking deeply' are not necessarily the same thing.

People who can speak immediately often already possess patterns of speech. They know how to phrase things so they are understood by others. They know how they should present themselves. They can choose their words to suit the situation.

That is a strength.

But there are also people who take time before their thoughts become words.

They remain silent in the moment. But later, they think about deep things. They cannot answer immediately. But if given time, words that only they can produce will emerge. They speak little in meetings. But the text they send later contains points that had been overlooked.

There are such people, too.

However, society is not good at waiting for that slowness.

'Tell me now.' 'Answer on the spot.' 'Explain it concisely.' 'Speak clearly.' 'Start with the conclusion.'

That is what is demanded.

Of course, there are necessary situations. Speed is also required in work. If you remain silent forever, it can sometimes cause trouble for the situation.

But when speed is demanded too much, the words that emerge after taking time are treated as if they do not exist.

Eloquence and communication skills are not the same

When hearing 'high communication skills,' many people might think of someone who is eloquent.

They have a wealth of topics. They are quick to respond. They can get a laugh. They do not create silence. They do not let the other person get bored.

But eloquence is a part of communication skills, not the whole.

Rather, there are things that are hidden by eloquence.

People who talk a lot do not necessarily always see the other person. They may seem to be livening up the situation, but they might be drawing others into their own pace. People who are good at filling silence are not necessarily able to wait for what is within that silence. People who keep the conversation going are not necessarily listening deeply.

Of course, I do not mean to speak ill of eloquent people.

Being able to speak well involves both talent and effort.
People who can entertain others with words are wonderful.
We are often saved by the presence of people who can brighten up a room.

However, if we value only the ability to speak too highly, other forms of communication become invisible.

The power of listening.
The power of waiting.
The power of silence.
The power of not rushing the other person until their words emerge.
The power of maintaining the depth of a space.
The power of not jumping to conclusions immediately.

I believe these are also communication skills.

The two writers I saw at a talk event were not talkative.
But they did not treat words carelessly.
They were searching for what they could truly say.
They received the other person's words without immediately consuming them.

That demeanor appeared to be a very sincere form of communication.

Why was the space that could wait for silence so rich?

When I think about why that talk event was good, I feel it wasn't just the content of the conversation.

Of course, the content discussed was also interesting.
But more than that, what left an impression was that the time taken for words to emerge was allowed to exist as it was.

Silence was not treated as a failure.

Usually, silence is feared at talk events.

The moderator rushes to ask the next question.
The speaker tries to make the audience laugh to fill the space.
The audience also feels a bit awkward.
If the 'pause' is too long, it looks like poor facilitation.

But it was different at that meeting.

Silence existed as a time for thought.
The inability to find words appeared not as immaturity, but as sincerity.
The audience also shared that time together.

This might be a very rare thing.

We usually try to fill silence in a hurry.

We feel anxious when a conversation breaks off.
If a reply is slow, we think the other person might be troubled.
We feel like we have to say something.
We perceive silence as a disconnection in a relationship.

But there are many kinds of silence.

The silence of rejection.
The silence of indifference.
The silence of tension.
The silence of fatigue.

That is not all there is.

A silence of thinking.
A silence of searching for words.
A silence of absorbing the other person's words.
A silence that exists precisely because one does not want to speak lightly.
A silence of not rushing to put out something that has not yet taken shape within oneself.

There are such silences as well.

I believe that a space where one can wait for that silence is a space that values words.

Those who 'answer immediately' gain an advantage

On the other hand, in many social situations, those who answer immediately gain an advantage.

Whether in meetings, classes, interviews, social gatherings, or on social media, those who can react immediately are strong.

When asked a question, they answer immediately.
When asked for an opinion, they speak immediately.
When they see something, they give their impressions immediately.
When an event occurs, they analyze it immediately.

Such people have a presence.

Conversely, those who find the topic has moved on while they were thinking are easily left behind.

I actually had something I wanted to say.
But while I was searching for the words, the conversation moved on to something else.
It's too late to say it now.
In the end, I finish by remaining silent.

Such things happen often.

In conversation, we tend to match the pace of 'fast people'.

Fast people speak.
They drive the space.
They develop the topic.
They reach a conclusion.

Slow people lose their words within that flow.

However, within those slow people, there might have been an important perspective.
They might have had a sense of discomfort that no one else in that space had voiced.
They might have been holding onto something that couldn't be said immediately, but would become a profound statement if given time.

That ends up being left unheard.

This is not just an individual problem.
I think it is also a problem of how spaces are designed.

A space where only those who can speak immediately can contribute may look lively at first glance.
But in reality, there is a possibility that it is only revolving among people of similar speeds.

In that space, slow words are lost.

Social media does not allow for silence

This tendency is being further strengthened by social media.

On social media, responding quickly is considered valuable.

When something happens, say it immediately.
State your position immediately.
Write your thoughts immediately.
Get angry immediately.
Analyze immediately.
Share immediately.

Those who take time to think miss the conversation.

After a day, it is already old.
After a few days, it feels outdated.
While you are thinking slowly, the topic moves on to something else.

As a result, words are becoming faster and faster.

Fast words are strong.
Short words spread easily.
Easy-to-understand conclusions get more reactions.

However, fast words are sometimes shallow.

The thoughts are not yet mature.
The emotions are not yet organized.
Other perspectives are not yet visible.
One is not yet aware of one's own biases.

Even so, words put out quickly spread.

On the other hand, slow words are hard to see.

Writing that has been thought through over time.
Words that do not jump to easy conclusions.
Words that can say 'I don't know yet.'
Words that contain silence.

Such things do not fit well with the speed of social media.

Therefore, the meaning of communication skills also changes on social media.

Being able to broadcast.
Being able to react.
Being able to state your position immediately.
Being able to put words out in a place where they are seen.

That starts to look like communication skill.

But is that really the case?

Are those who watch in silence not thinking about anything?
Do those who do not post immediately have no opinions?
Are those who do not react not engaging with society?

I don't think that's the case.

It's just that, due to the structure of social media, those who are silent appear as if they do not exist.

Sometimes, 'people who can talk' dominate the room

People with high communication skills can sometimes help a situation.

But at the same time, they can also dominate it.

People who are good at speaking naturally stand at the center.
They take control of the conversation.
They set the tone.
They decide what is interesting and what is important.
To some extent, they also decide whose words to pick up and whose to ignore.

Even if that person has no malicious intent, this can still happen.

Around people who talk a lot, it becomes even harder for quiet people to speak.
When there is someone who responds quickly, it is difficult for those who are slower to join in.
When the tempo of the room speeds up, those who think before they speak get left behind.

This happens in any setting.

In meetings, at social gatherings, at talk events, in friendships, and on social media.

The power of those who can talk is easy to see.
That is why those who can talk run the room.
But when a room is run only by those who can talk, the room gradually becomes dyed in their speed.

As a result, people with a different speed disappear.

This is not about 'people who can talk being bad'.

Rather, perhaps those who can talk need to realize from time to time whether their words are occupying the room.

And I think those who listen, and those who create the space, also need not to rely too much on only those who can talk.

Instead of asking 'Does anyone have any opinions?' for just a moment and immediately moving on, wait a little.
Do not rush to process silence as awkwardness.
Leave space for those who are slow with words to speak at their own pace.

I feel that just by doing that, what emerges in the room will change.

Communication skills are not 'human value'

What bothers me the most is that communication skills are treated as if they were human value before we know it.

People with communication skills are social.
People without communication skills are immature.
People who can talk are attractive.
It is inevitable that those who cannot talk will lose out.
People who can build connections are excellent.
People who are bad at socializing lack effort.

There is an atmosphere like that.

But in reality, communication skills are only one part of human ability.

The power to think.
The power to observe.
The power to create.
The power to continue.
The power to wait.
The power to record.
The power to notice discomfort.
The power to imagine the pain of others.
The power to hold onto things before they become words.

These are also powers.

Yet, in society, visible abilities are more easily evaluated.

People who can speak are visible.
People who are cheerful are visible.
People who express themselves are visible.
People who can give presentations are visible.

People who think quietly are hard to see.
People who support from behind the scenes are hard to see.
People who take time to give shape to things are hard to see.

Visible power becomes valued power.
Valued power, before we know it, starts to look like 'being a superior person'.

I feel a bit stifled by that.

People with communication skills are wonderful.
But those whose communication skills are not prominent also have other powers.

I don't want to lose sight of that.

The strain within those who appear sociable

On the other hand, those who appear sociable are not necessarily living easily.

I have an acquaintance who is a business owner.

From the outside, they surely look like a sociable person.
They speak in front of people.
They give presentations.
They attend meetings.
They talk to business partners, clients, and staff.
They persuade, explain, and build relationships with people.

In their position as a business owner, they cannot avoid that.

But in reality, they don't actually like socializing.
They use a lot of energy to meet people.
Behaving sociably is closer to a role for work than a natural personality.

They sometimes suffer from mild depression and take medication to calm their feelings before facing presentations or meetings.

When I heard that, my chest tightened.

From the outside, they are a capable person.
A person who can speak.
A person who can stand in front of others.
A person who can act like a business owner.

But behind that, there is considerable strain.

Preparing their heart before appearing in public.
Suppressing anxiety.
Managing to bring their body to the scene.
Creating a mode different from their inner self.
Playing the required role.

Even so, they do it for work.

I think there are quite a few people like this.

Even among those who appear to have high communication skills, there are some who are actually bad at socializing.
Even among those who appear sociable, there are some who are pushing themselves quite hard.
Even among those who speak confidently, there are some who were full of anxiety until just before.

But society rarely sees what is behind that.

They can speak in front of others.
They can respond with a smile.
They can facilitate the situation.
Therefore, it is assumed they are fine.

But being able to do something and being fine are different things.

If we overlook this, an excessive burden is placed on people with high communication skills as well.

Communication skill is not a talent, but also labor

The communication skills required in work have a significant element of labor.

Greeting with a smile.
Speaking while observing the other person's reaction.
Softening the atmosphere.
Not showing anxiety.
Speaking as if one has confidence.
Explaining things clearly.
Considering the other person's position.
Suppressing one's own emotions for a moment.

This is more of a technique than a personality trait.

Customer service, sales, management, education, welfare, medical care, art scenes, community activities.
This technique is required in any setting.

Therefore, people with high communication skills are not necessarily doing so just because they have a cheerful personality.

They might be staying very alert for the sake of the situation.
They might be suppressing their own emotions so as not to offend the other person.
They might be smiling even though they actually want to go home.

The higher a person's communication skills, the more invisible labor may accumulate.

'You can handle it well, right?'
'Please do it because you can speak pleasantly.'
'Keep the conversation going.'
'Please follow up a little.'

That is how they are made to stand between people.

The better someone can do it, the more they are required to do it well.
The more pleasantly someone can act, the more they are expected to remain pleasant.
The more someone can speak, the more they are burdened with the role of speaking.

This is both an advantage and a disadvantage.

'People with high communication skills' are certainly evaluated.
But behind that evaluation, the person themselves may be quite exhausted.

Therefore, I feel it is a bit shallow to view communication skills simply as an 'advantageous ability to have.'

People who are 'pleasant' are sometimes the most exhausted

People with high communication skills are, in many cases, pleasant.

They do not negate others.
They laugh appropriately.
They pick up on the conversation.
They convey difficult things gently.
They do not disrupt the atmosphere.
They react in a way that makes it easy for the other person to talk.

When such people are around, those around them feel at ease.

However, pleasant people are constantly regulating their own emotions.

Even if they are hurt by how someone speaks to them, they let it slide in the moment.
They do not show anger immediately.
They dilute their discomfort with a smile.
They match the other person's energy.
They act a bit more cheerful so that the atmosphere does not become too heavy.

This is quite exhausting.

This 'pleasantness' is especially expected of women.

Women should be friendly.
Gentle.
Considerate.
Not disrupt the atmosphere.
But also be good at their jobs.
Be liked by others.
And convey unpleasant things without causing friction.

Amidst these expectations, communication skills become an obligation rather than an ability.

If you are quiet, you are gloomy.
If you speak clearly, you are harsh.
If you are not friendly, you are unpleasant.
If you speak well, you are used for convenience.

Caught in these contradictions, people grow tired.

When we say 'people with high communication skills are wonderful,' do we see the self-suppression and emotional labor behind it?

That is what I find myself thinking about.

Do quiet people really not create an atmosphere?

Reflecting on that talk event, I think quiet people also create an atmosphere.

They do not dominate the space with a loud voice.
They do not try to get laughs.
They do not connect topics with a fast tempo.

But by being there quietly, they change the quality of the space.

They do not produce words immediately.
Therefore, the listener also waits a little.
They do not summarize things easily.
Therefore, the audience also thinks for themselves.
They leave silence.
Therefore, the weight of the words increases.

There is a way to create such a space.

When we talk about creating a space, we tend to imagine livening things up.

Making it bright.
Making people laugh.
Bringing up topics.
Keeping the tempo moving.

However, deepening a space is also a way of creating one.

The presence of a quiet person slows the pace of the space down a little.
Words are not immediately consumed but remain.
It gives the listeners time to return to their inner selves.

This rarely happens in a talkative space.

Of course, not every space needs to be like that.
Spaces for light and fun conversation are also important.
Sometimes we are saved by fast-paced conversation.

But always speaking brightly, quickly, and clearly is not the only way to have a good space.

A space with silence.
A space that can wait for words.
A space that does not provide answers immediately.

I think such spaces are also necessary in today's society.

Art and literature require slow words

Especially in the realms of art and literature, there are times when slow words are necessary.

There are times when you can express your impressions immediately after seeing a work.
But the works that truly leave a deep impression are sometimes impossible to talk about right away.

I don't know if I like it or hate it.
I don't know what happened.
But I am intrigued.
I can't explain it, but I can't forget it.
It gradually takes effect after some time has passed.

I have had such experiences.

What is needed at those times is not just talkative explanations.

Rather than words that immediately 'collect' meaning by saying 'this means this,'
words that can say 'I don't quite understand yet, but something remains' can sometimes be closer to the work.

In art spaces, literary spaces, and talk events, there are moments when silence is actually necessary.

The time before putting things into words.
The time before thoughts take shape.
The time to confirm one's own internal reactions.

If you fill that time immediately, the work and the words become shallow.

Lately, everything is explained immediately.

The concept of an exhibition.
The meaning of a work.
The artist's intention.
The social background.
The highlights.
Points for consideration.

Of course, explanations are necessary.
In order for viewers not to be left behind, an entry point is needed.

But, the value of a work is not limited to what can be explained.

Things that remain even after explanation.
Things that spill out the moment they are put into words.
Things that can only be felt during moments of silence.

They exist.

Perhaps that is why I felt a sense of trust in the conversations of artists who were not eloquent.

Those people did not consume words easily.
They seemed to properly maintain the boundary between what can be said and what cannot.

The envy and frustration within me

As I write this, I realize that I, too, have envy for people with high communication skills.

When I see someone who can easily enter a social setting, I think they are truly amazing.
When I see someone who immediately hits it off with a stranger, I find them dazzling.
I feel I cannot compete with people who can naturally express themselves in conversation.

And, there is also a bit of jealousy.

When a social person quickly gets close to a relationship I spent time building, I feel unsettled.
When a smooth talker takes over the conversation while I am still choosing my words, I feel frustrated.
When I feel that being able to speak immediately is valued more than thinking deeply, I feel empty.

I think this is my own weakness.

Therefore, while I say I feel uncomfortable with a 'society where people with high communication skills are overvalued,' personal pain and jealousy are mixed into that feeling.

But, I do not want to pretend that those emotions do not exist.

The longing for people who can naturally do things I struggle with.
The fact that because of that longing, I sometimes look at them with a bit of malice.
Even so, the discomfort I feel when the value of quiet people is seen as low.

These things are all mixed together.

So, this is not a story that criticizes extroverts and elevates introverts.

Rather, I think both are difficult.

People who cannot speak are looked down upon for not being able to speak.
People who can speak are burdened with the role of speaking even more.

I want to see both sides of that.

Broadly redefining communication skills

Couldn't we redefine the term 'communication skills' a little more broadly?

Not just the ability to speak well, but the ability to listen.
Not just the ability to respond immediately, but the ability to wait.
Not just the ability to liven up a situation, but the ability to deepen it.
Not just the ability to adapt to others, but the ability to communicate one's own limits.
Not just the ability to get along with anyone, but the ability to maintain necessary boundaries.

I believe all of those are also communication skills.

Engaging with people is not just about always talking happily.

Being there silently by someone's side.
Waiting for the other person to find their words.
Not forcing encouragement.
Not jumping to conclusions immediately.
Not intruding too much.
Conveying things sincerely in one's own words.
Not immediately consuming the words one has heard.

There are such quiet techniques.

However, these are difficult to evaluate.

That is because they are hard to see.

Loquacity is visible.
Cheerfulness is visible.
Presentation skills are visible.
Having a large network of contacts is also visible.

But the ability to wait is hard to see.
The ability to maintain silence is hard to see.
The ability not to rush the other person's words is hard to see.
The ability to slow down the pace of a situation is hard to see.

Abilities that are hard to see are easily treated as if they do not exist.

That is precisely why I think they cannot be seen unless one makes a conscious effort to look for them.

The self that became able to speak and the self that could not

I myself have been saved by becoming able to speak.

I have become able to engage with people more than before.
Both in work and in life, there are things that have become easier because I can put them into words.
By becoming able to convey my own thoughts, there are places that have opened up for me.

Therefore, I do not want to belittle communication skills.

But precisely because I am now able to speak, I do not want to deny the self that could not.

Back then, I was slow to speak.
But it wasn't that my senses were dull.
If anything, I felt too many things.
I worried too much about the other person's reaction, so the words wouldn't come out.
I read the room too much, so I couldn't let my own voice out.

I think that was also just a sign of immaturity.
But it wasn't just that.

There was sensitivity, too.
There was caution, too.
There was a feeling of not wanting to treat others carelessly.
There was also a sense of not wanting to let words out lightly.

Of course, there were many inconveniences in staying that way.
So, I think it was good that I became able to speak little by little.

But I don't want to think that only the version of me that can speak is the grown-up version, and that the version of me that couldn't speak was inferior.

People change.
The form of communication changes, too.
But the silence of my past self must have had some meaning.

You don't have to force yourself to be sociable

The ability to interact with people is necessary.

But not everyone needs to be sociable in the same way.

Quiet people can remain quiet while being in society.
People who think before they speak can stay at that speed.
People who are not good at large groups can cherish one-on-one relationships.
Even if you are not good at small talk, if you can interact sincerely, that is also communication.

Of course, it's not a matter of just saying, 'I'm quiet, so I won't do anything.'

Effort to convey things to others is necessary.
If you abandon minimal responses or explanations, it is difficult to establish a relationship.
Silence can sometimes make the other person anxious.

But you don't have to force yourself to remake yourself into a cheerful person.

You just need to have your own way of conveying things.

If you are not good at speaking, supplement it with writing.
If you are not good at large groups, talk carefully in small groups.
If you are not good at answering immediately, take some time.
If you are not good at small talk, cultivate your listening skills.
If you get tired when socializing continues, schedule time to recover.

That, too, is a way of adapting communication.

Communication skills are not essentially about becoming a cheerful person.
Aren't they the ability to create a path between yourself and the other person that requires little strain?

The way that path is created can be different for each person.

Toward a society that can tolerate silence

I feel that what is truly necessary is not just for everyone to improve their communication skills.

Rather, I think it should be a society that allows for a little more silence and awkwardness.

Do not label someone who cannot reply immediately as incompetent.
Do not dismiss someone who is bad at small talk as having a bad attitude.
Do not force quiet people to be cheerful.
Do not always leave the floor to those who can speak in public.
Consider that even those who appear sociable have the right to rest.

That kind of society.

It is, of course, important for people with high communication skills to be able to thrive.
But it is just as important for those whose communication skills are not as prominent to be able to exist with peace of mind.

A space is not created only by those who speak.
Because there are listeners, speakers can speak.
Because there are people who think quietly, there are times when a space does not remain shallow.
Because there are people who do not react immediately, there are times when a brake is applied to a flow that is too light.

Quiet people may not liven up a space.
But they sometimes create depth in that space.

That value could be seen more.

Waiting for words is waiting for people

At that talk event, the audience was waiting for the words of the two writers.

That scene still remains with me a little.

The silence until words emerge.
The atmosphere that does not rush it.
The time for the speaker to search within themselves for words they can truly say.
The attitude of the listener to accept that time as a whole.

That was not simply listening to someone speak.

I think it was about respecting that person's pace.

Waiting for words is also waiting for people.

It means believing not only in the words that person can say immediately, but also in the words that come out after taking some time.
It means not judging a person's substance solely by the parts they can speak fluently on the spot.
It means imagining that there might be thoughts and feelings even within the silence.

That seems simple, yet it is difficult.

We want to understand immediately.
We want them to answer immediately.
We want them to react immediately.
We want to make the space work immediately.

But sometimes, people's words do not come out that quickly.

Especially, the more truly important things are, the less they can be said immediately.

If it is light talk, you can do it immediately.
If it is a cliché, you can say it immediately.
But when putting into words what is deep inside oneself, it takes time.

Whether or not we can wait for that time.

I think that is where the communication skills of the listener also lie.

Toward relationships with less strain, rather than high communication skills

'People with high communication skills' are certainly wonderful.

But lately, I have come to value relationships with less strain even more than that.

Rather than whether you can speak well, can you be silent with peace of mind? Whether you can hit it off at a first meeting, can you build trust over time? Rather than whether you can behave pleasantly, can you avoid pushing yourself when you are tired? Rather than whether you have a wide network, can you interact without losing yourself?

In the long run, those things might be more important.

Of course, things are not that simple in society.

At work, there are presentations and meetings. There are times when you must speak pleasantly. It is not as if you can avoid interacting with people. The effort to explain things in your own words is also necessary.

Even so, I want to distance myself, just a little, from the cult of communication skills in my heart.

People who can talk are not superior. People who cannot talk are not inferior. Social people can be strong. But people who appear social are not always living easily.

Everyone has their own speed of interaction.

It would be nice if we could respect that speed a little more.

Waiting for the words of those who are not talkative

Those two writers were not talkative.

But it is not that they did not have words. Rather, they treated words with care.

Instead of saying only what could be said immediately, they would be silent for a while, searching for the words that came from within themselves.

Seeing that, I thought.

Communication skills cannot be measured by talkativeness alone.

It is not the amount of speech, but the distance from words. It is not the speed of the reply, but the ability to wait for the other person. It is not the power to liven up a situation, but the power to keep it deep. It is not the power to present oneself well, but the power to speak sincerely at one's own speed.

That kind of thing certainly exists, too.

And the listener also possesses communication skills.

Not rushing the other person. Not treating silence as awkwardness. Not assuming that someone who is slow to speak is someone with low ability. Not judging people solely by the words that come out immediately.

I think that is a very important skill.

We are accustomed to the words of eloquent people.
The voices of cheerful people are also easy to hear.
The words of people who speak with a good tempo are easy to receive.

But how much are we able to wait for the words of those who are not eloquent?

How much are we able to believe in what lies within those who are slow to speak?

I want to think about that.

Each silence, and each voice

There are various voices in society.

Loud voices. Cheerful voices. Fast voices. Clear voices. Voices that attract people.

But that is not all there is.

Small voices. Slow voices. Voices that come out in fragments. Voices that finally emerge after a silence. Voices that did not come out in the moment, but become written words later.

Those are voices, too.

If the term 'communication skills' refers only to the ability to speak brightly, then many people fall through the cracks.

People who cannot speak. People who take time to speak. People who cannot find words in front of others. But people who are thinking properly. People who are feeling properly. People who are engaging with the world properly.

How do we wait for the voices of such people?

That is also a problem on our side.

In a society where people with high communication skills are valued, have we not lost the ability to listen? Have we not lost the ability to endure silence? Have we not been treating things that do not immediately become words as if they do not exist?

When I recall the quiet moments of that talk event, I think about such things.

Words do not always come out quickly.
But there are things that only reside in words that come out late.

That is why I want to wait a little longer.

For the words of those who are not eloquent.
For words that have not yet taken shape within oneself.
For the words someone is searching for in the silence.

I think that just having a space where that time can be waited for allows people to speak with a little more peace of mind.

People with high communication skills are certainly wonderful.
But people who can wait for words are just as wonderful.

And even within those who are not eloquent, there are rich voices.

A society that does not miss those voices is surely a little deeper.
A little kinder.
A little more human.

That is why I think that talk event with those silences was a very good meeting.

It was not because the talk was fluent.
It was not because the venue was lively.
It was because the words were there without being rushed.

It was because the audience was waiting for that time together.

Perhaps communication is not just about exchanging words.

It is about trusting the other person's pace a little.
It is about accepting the time before words become words as part of the person.

I think there are conversations that begin from there.

-ao ooi

If this sense of discomfort resonated with you even a little,
I would be happy if you could let me know with a Like🤍.

Recommended reading
👇
'The more "easy-to-understand" words are, the more they simplify reality'

'The moment "taking care of yourself" becomes painful'
"What are you losing when you stand on the side of being seen"
'The new quota called self-affirmation'
'An era where people who do not post seem not to exist'

Paid article
'An era where even beauty is consumed'