Reading "Letters Addressed to You All."

It seems the rainy season has begun without me noticing. I nodded to myself, thinking that the downpour the other day must have been the gateway to it.

Around the time of the downpour, I read Mr. Nagata's book.

"Letters Addressed to You All"

I no longer remember where I learned about this book or how I came to pick it up. But rather than reading it, it felt more like walking while stopping every now and then.

Without fear,
I skipped over the pages that didn't sink in. Sorry.

If it were the old me, I might have felt guilty about that somewhere, but books and people meet when they are meant to meet. So, even if I skipped a few pages, I am sure I will encounter them again when I open the book someday.

"Pleasant conversation"
"Opening one's heart"
"Light"

Hiroshi Nagata's words show not just their meaning, but the scenery those words bring with them.

The word 'pleasant conversation' holds a dining table late at night.
The phrase 'opening one's heart' holds the image of two people quietly facing each other. The word 'light' holds the time spent opening a book before going to sleep.

I was drawn to the scenery that exists beside such words.
While reading, I suddenly remembered my 14-year-old self.
The nights and mornings I spent reading Kafka on the Shore all night long, never once leaving my bed.

"Poetry is not (for me) words for speaking. It is words for keeping silent."

This passage resonated deeply with me.
I still haven't fully internalized the word 'poetry,' but unable to express my thoughts well, I simply closed the page, gazed out the window for a while, and then opened the page again.

I felt that poetry might represent that very time itself.

Recently, major events have been happening in my life.
There have been partings. There have been moves.
There are family matters, too.

Before I knew it, there are days when I lose track of where I am heading.

But when I read a book, I don't go far away; I am able to return to myself.

What did I like?
What kind of life did I want to live?
What kind of person did I want to be?

It reminds me of those things.

That is why, for me, reading is not just about gaining knowledge. It is also about re-reading from time to time and meeting a slightly different version of myself each time.

A book is not a transient medium, but a medium for one 'self' to read a hundred times.

When I read those words, I felt I understood why I end up opening the same book over and over. Perhaps reading is about re-reading oneself.

Like the"three small candles"that Hiroshi Nagata speaks of, they may not be enough to illuminate the distant future, but

to spend today,
as a light sufficient to pass the time quietly,
I will keep this book by my side.