Recognizing a Failure That I Am So Glad I Noticed

Actually, the other day,
due to a misunderstanding that "I only have time today,"
I made a decision and acted on my own,
and had to apologize to those around me.

At that time,
when the person I had inconvenienced
kindly told me how to handle things next time,
I actually...

felt intense anger
toward them.

Well now,
I wondered why that was,
and while feeling grumpy at the other person,
I accepted Mayutan's heart and emotions,
used a notebook and pen,
and tried just zoning out.

As a result,
I somehow
completed a diagram of
what this might be about.

Being right is a virtuous thing,
so in the diagram, it is on the top tier.

Being wrong is a very shameful thing,
and it cannot defeat the "right"
that is on the top tier,
so one must listen to what the "right" says and reflect.

In Mayutan's world of thoughts and consciousness,

even though it was "the right thing done perfectly
in the shortest time possible,"
it was called "wrong" by the recipient,

and I became unable to tell
whether Mayutan's position was
on the top tier or the bottom tier of the diagram.

So then,
how can I
honestly and with a smile accept the countermeasure
that the other person kindly suggested??

Mayutan shifted her consciousness
from the "cause"
to the "solution."

Since the hierarchy is what makes it painful,
I decided to just place them side-by-side.

Ultimately, the diagram that felt right
was this one.

Because of the "protrusion"
that the other person expected from Mayutan,

Mayutan had "lacked awareness"
and ended up with a "dent."

And then,
judging that the protrusion had invaded Mayutan's territory,
in order to maintain Mayutan's peace of mind,

I judged the other person to be an enemy who had invaded my territory,
and anger welled up to drive them out of my territory.
Once I realized this,

I could calmly and smoothly accept
that there was no need to blame the other person.

Once I felt I had become calm,

feelings of stubbornness and frustration that "the right Mayutan is virtuous!"
feelings of sadness and loneliness because
even though I was the one who was wrong,
my hard work and perspective were not understood,
and feelings of being very ashamed for having made a mistake

all welled up as well.

I added those thoughts to the diagram too.

In other words,
inside Mayutan,
there are still "protrusions"
that invade other people's territory,

so I saw that if I make those "protrusions" smaller or reduce them,
there is a possibility
that I can be more peaceful with those around me.

Being able to know the cause, the solution, and my future room for growth,
and being able to sublimate this into an opportunity for my own growth,

as well as realizing it was a necessary experience for me,
gave me a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Therefore,
I was able to pleasantly
apologize to the other person
and tell them, "I will be careful next time."

How was it??

When you try changing your perspective,
writing things on paper,
making diagrams,
or venting your negative emotions,
in the end,
they teach you
very important things.

Everyone,
please cherish every emotion.
Every emotion is an important part of you.
Suzutan loves every version of you.
(っ･ω･)っ♡