E10: The Last Corner

Please talk to them. Even if they are unconscious, they can still hear you.

I have been seeing and hearing these words recently on television, on the internet, and in books.

When I was young, I was never taught that, nor did I ever think about it, but 'at that time,' I did it by 'coincidence'.

I'm going now. Wait for me. You absolutely must wait until I get back!
Without realizing it, my voice had grown loud. I spoke those words to my beloved grandmother and left the hospital room.

I guess Grandma really isn't coming to see us off today...

The moment my younger brother said that while looking back at the hospital building, everything I had been holding back overflowed, and I couldn't stop sobbing.

Are you really crying that much?
My brother looked at me as if he were dumbfounded, but he was crying too.

When I was a child, whenever we visited her house and it was time to leave, my grandmother would always see us off until we were 'out of sight'.

That is what seeing someone off means. My grandmother taught me that many times. Sometimes, if we failed to wave at the last corner, she would scold us over the phone later.

Listen, even if the other person might not be there anymore, you should still turn around properly. They might still be waving at you, you know.

At that time,
The day of a business trip, which rarely happened, was approaching.
Honestly, I was at my wit's end. The destination was, of all places, overseas. When I couldn't help but confide in my boss, they offered me the option of not going on the trip.

But at that moment, I heard a voice in my head.
(What are you saying? You have to do your job!)

There was no one to 'replace' me this time, and someone else would have to take on my workload while I was away. I knew that, I knew that, but I just wanted someone to listen, so I ended up saying it. And then, I blamed myself severely.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. It's fine. I'll go.
And, could you please keep this quiet from the others?

...It's a rather embarrassing story. I still feel sorry about it even now.

Wait for me!
A few days after I called out those words, I left for my overseas business trip as planned.

If I were to say that I have almost no memory of the business trip, I feel like my grandmother would get angry at me again, so I focused on my work more than usual. I didn't get much sleep, though...

After returning to Japan, I called my younger brother from a restroom at Kansai International Airport.
“Oh, it’s okay, it seems like she’s recovering.”
The strength drained from my entire body.

Exhausted, I dragged myself home, threw down my suitcase, barely changed my clothes, and fell into a deep sleep right there...

Four hours later, my grandmother quietly passed away.

Even now, I sometimes think about it.
I do the same “calculation” over and over again.

Kansai Airport, my home, the hospital.
My home is between the airport and the hospital.

“If only at that time”
If I had left the airport, taken the JR Haruka train,
stopped by my house, just thrown down my suitcase,
and immediately gotten back on the JR, jumped on the Shinkansen,
taken a private railway, and then a taxi...

“Wait for me!”
I definitely said that to my grandmother’s ear as she slept before I left. The “time” she passed away must have been the “time” she was waiting for her grandson at that “last turn.”

There is a “time” there that I can never regret enough...

For the first five years, it was nothing but regret.
But now, I have learned how to converse “in my heart.”
Until then, I had thought that only what was visible in this world was everything.
But now, my “intuition” has started to work in various ways.

When I visit the grave, I pass by my grandmother’s now-vacant house.
At that “last turn,” I always look back.
Since my “intuition” started working, I no longer have to cry there.