[Parenting] So that I don't decide my son's life.

Up until now, I have been writing about the idea that "I want my child to see the wide world."
That I grew up in the countryside and there were many worlds I didn't know.
That after I got married and became part of a family that moves for work, I learned for the first time that "the world is vast."

And that I started to think that I don't want my son to think that the place he is in right now is "the whole world."
See many places.

Meet many people.
Learn many things.

And within that, I want him to find his own place.
Up to this point, I sort of understood it myself.
But while writing, I realized one more thing.
I don't want to decide my son's life.

This sounds obvious, but it's actually quite difficult.
The more parents think about their child's well-being, the more "you should do this" increases.
You should study.

This kind of school is good.

You should hang out with these kinds of friends.
You should stop doing this.

So you won't have trouble in the future, you should do this now.
......There are so many lol

I say them too, naturally.
"Wouldn't this be better?"

"Instead of that, why don't you try this?"
"Since you have the chance, why don't you try it?"

I say it, I say it.
I say it a lot lol
Because I'm his parent.

Since I've lived 30 years longer than my son, there are times when I think, "No, you really shouldn't do that."
But.
If I think about my son's entire life and create a path for him by saying, "You go this way"...
I thought that might be the exact opposite of the excitement I felt when I encountered a world I didn't know.

When I moved for work, I was scared at first.
But when I went, it was like, "Wow! A world like this exists?"

If it had been decided for me from the start that "this is the correct place to go," I don't think I would have been able to taste that feeling.

It was interesting because I went to a place I didn't know on my own, saw it for myself, felt it for myself, and thought, "I might like this better."

So, for my son too, I want to give him many "here are some other options" instead of "this is the correct answer."
There is this path.
There is that path.

There are these kinds of people.
There are these ways of living.

There are these places.

There are these ways of thinking.
From among them, I want him to choose for himself, saying, "Huh, I'm interested in this one."
Of course, I don't mean "you can just do whatever you like."

Life isn't that easy lol
There are things you don't want to do.
There are things that are a hassle.
There are things you can't get without effort.

There are times you want to give up halfway.
So, just saying "you're free to do whatever" is different.
What I want to give my son is "the freedom to choose for himself and accept what he has chosen as his own life."
For example, when he becomes an adult, suppose he thinks, "Maybe this job isn't for me."

At that time, will he stay as he is, thinking, "But everyone else is doing this"?
Or will he try to look for something else?

I want him to be the latter.
When he comes to dislike the place he is in, I don't want him to think, "There's nowhere else."

I want him to be someone who can look for another place.
So, even if I'm asked, "What do you want your son to become?", I probably can't answer.
I don't know yet.

He probably doesn't know either.

He's an elementary school student, after all lol
Even if I ask him now, "What do you want to be in the future?", it will probably change in a few years.
And that's fine.
Actually, I want it to change.
He doesn't have to keep protecting the life he decided on at age 10 until he's 40.

If he thinks, "It was different after all," he can just change it.
If he thinks, "This looks more interesting," he can just go there.
I think it's fine to be a "child who can change their dream" rather than a "child who makes their dream come true."

I've been thinking this a bit lately.
A dream isn't something you absolutely have to fulfill once you've decided on it.
Once you know a world you didn't know, there are times when you think, "Huh? This wasn't what I wanted to do."
And that's fine.
Actually, if it's something you realized precisely because you learned about a world you didn't know, that's not a failure.

Thinking about it that way, maybe what a parent can do for a child isn't "teaching them the correct path."

It might be showing them many paths.
Walking with them once in a while.
Teaching them, "This also looks interesting."

And then, once the child starts walking on their own, stepping back a little.
Maybe that's it.
I probably don't want to make my son's future a success.

Of course, I do think, "I want him to be happy if possible."

If possible, I don't want him to have trouble.
If possible, I don't want him to get hurt.
If possible, I don't want him to take detours.
......Since I'm a parent, I think about this a lot lol

But it's impossible to do everything.
I can't protect him forever.

If so, it's better if he becomes "someone who can find the next place on their own when they are in trouble."
If he thinks, "This isn't the place," he can look for another place.
If he thinks, "I don't know," he can try to learn.
If he thinks, "I want to try," he can take a step forward.

And, he can find for himself a place where he can think, "Maybe this is where I belong."
I think this is what I am wishing for my son right now.
And, having written this far, I feel like I understand a little bit about myself, who realized in the previous article, "I think I want my son to be a child who can study."

I didn't particularly want the title of "a child who can study."
I didn't think that if he gets into a good school and joins a good company, his life will be secure!
I probably just wanted my son to be able to choose his own life.

To do that, I want to pass on what is necessary little by little while I can.
Knowing.

Experiencing.

Failing.
Thinking.
Meeting people.

And finding his own "likes."

Among those, there is studying.
There is English.
There are books.

There is travel.
There is play.

There are probably silly things too lol

I hope my son's world expands little by little, including everything.
Someday, when my son becomes an adult, goes to places I don't know, meets people I don't know, does work I don't know, and starts walking a life I don't know.
I might be a little lonely.

No, I think I'll be quite lonely lol

But at that time, I want to say, "You're walking the path you chose yourself," not "You're walking the path your mother decided for you."

If I can do that, I think that's enough as a parent.
I want to expand my son's world.

But, in truth, I want him to become someone who can expand his world on his own, to places beyond my reach.
I think that is my goal for parenting.

And today, too, I place one small door in front of my son, saying, "Doesn't this look interesting?"
While leaving it up to him whether to open it or not.