How to Face Anxiety About the Future

Introduction

It happens after I get into bed at night.

"What will happen if I can't go to school like this?"

I might fall behind in my studies.

I might not be able to go on to higher education.

I might not be able to graduate from high school.

I might not be able to get a job.

I might not be able to live on my own.

Even though it is years away, once I start thinking about it, the anxiety can become unstoppable.

Even if I can watch my favorite videos or talk normally with my family during the day, at night, I suddenly become afraid of the future.

Just hearing about my classmates' future paths makes me feel anxious.

Even when my family asks, "What are you going to do from now on?", I cannot come up with an answer.

Even though I am the one thinking about it the most, I am sometimes seen as if I am not thinking about anything at all.

For children and young people who are not attending school, anxiety about the future is immense.

This is because they imagine not only their current school life but also everything that follows—higher education, employment, daily life, and relationships—all at once.

Parents feel the same way.

"Will they be okay like this?"

"Will they have trouble in the future if I let them rest now?"

The more they worry, the more they may want to decide on a path quickly.

However, the stronger the anxiety about the future, the more painful it becomes for both the individual and their family to try to find answers for years ahead all at once.

In this 24th installment of our school non-attendance series, we will think about "How to face anxiety about the future."

Rather than ways to eliminate anxiety, we will organize a mindset for finding what can be done now, little by little, without being swallowed by that anxiety.

1. When not attending school, even the future can look bleak

When the state of not being able to go to school continues, one may end up thinking negatively not only about current troubles but also about the future.

"I couldn't go to school today."

From that fact, one might imagine years ahead all at once:

"I might never be able to go again."

"I might not be able to go on to higher education."

"I might not be able to work."

"My life might not go well."

However, not being able to go to school today is not the same as having one's life decided years from now.

The future seen from the current state is merely the future that the current self is imagining.

Physical conditions can change.

Environments can change.

One might find a school or a way of learning that suits them.
One might encounter options they don't know about yet.

Not knowing the future is not a problem unique to those not attending school.

It is just that when anxiety is strong, "I don't know" easily turns into "It will surely go badly."

2. It is not that the individual is "not thinking about the future"

When a child who is not attending school avoids talking about their future path or answers "I don't know," it may look to those around them as if they are not thinking about the future.

However, in reality, the opposite can be true.

They are thinking so much that it has become painful.

They feel that no matter what they choose, they will fail.

They are afraid of themselves for not being able to provide an answer.

That is why they may be avoiding the topic itself.

For example,

When asked, "What will you do about high school?"

In the person's mind, dozens of anxieties might be surfacing simultaneously:

"Can I even take the entrance exam with my current academic delays?"

"What if I can't go to high school either?"

"Will I be able to make friends?"

"Will I be able to go every morning?"

Just because they cannot answer does not mean they are not thinking about anything.

Rather, it is possible that they are exhausted from thinking.

3. Anxiety is also an emotion of suffering in advance for "things that have not happened yet"

The difficulty of anxiety about the future is that one feels the pain of things that have not yet happened as if they were happening now.

They haven't failed an entrance exam.

They haven't failed to get a job.

It hasn't been decided that they cannot live on their own.

Even so, when one repeatedly imagines the worst-case future in their head, they can feel a fear as if they are truly experiencing those events.

As a result, they become unable to even start what they can do now.

They think they must study.

But they cannot open their textbooks, thinking, "I won't be able to catch up anyway."

They think they should look into future paths.

But they cannot even search, feeling, "It's impossible for me."

It is important to look for small actions that can be taken even with anxiety, rather than trying to act only after the anxiety is gone.

4. Anxiety about the future in elementary school students can also stem from adult reactions

Elementary school students may not be imagining high school or employment in concrete terms.

However, they may sense from adult reactions that "not being able to go to school is a serious matter."

Parents are anxious every morning.

Teachers contact them repeatedly.

Relatives ask, "Will they be okay like this?"

Seeing such behavior, they may become anxious, thinking,
"Maybe I am doing something serious."

For elementary school students, it is more important to establish a life where they can feel secure now than to explain a future years away.

How to spend the day today.

Who they can talk to with peace of mind.

What way of learning is less burdensome.

Supporting the life right in front of them first will also lead to the future beyond that.

5. Junior high school students are prone to concrete anxieties like entrance exams

When they become junior high school students, anxiety about the future suddenly becomes realistic.

This is because there are high school entrance exams.

Classmates start talking about their preferred schools.

The number of people attending cram schools increases.

Talk of mock exams and grades comes up.

Career counseling with teachers begins.

The individual not attending school may feel anxious, thinking,

"Can I go to high school even with many absences?"

"I am not keeping up with the lessons."

"Isn't this a problem before even starting exam preparation?"

However, there is not only one way to learn in high school.

What is important is not to make only one path the "correct answer" from the start.

It is necessary to look into options little by little while confirming the individual's physical condition, current learning situation, commuting range, and personal wishes.

Rather than thinking, "I must decide on a high school," thinking first about "what kind of learning style is easier to continue" can change how things look.

6. High school students think about graduation and what comes after at the same time

For high school students not attending school, even more realistic anxieties increase.

Credits.

Advancement.

Graduation.

University or vocational school.

Employment.

They are also more likely to be pressured by those around them to decide on their future.

The individual feels as if they must think about "what to do after graduation" while still holding the anxiety of "can I even graduate from high school first?"

However, there is no need to decide both at the same time.

First, confirm what can be done at the current school.

If necessary, gather information about other ways of learning.

After that, think about higher education or work.

It is important to separate problems in order.

Anxiety about the future becomes especially large when holding many problems at once.

7. "Not being able to go to school" does not mean "not being able to work"

When not attending school, one may think,

"Since I can't go to school, won't I be unable to go to work in the future?"

Parents may also harbor the same anxiety.

However, school life and the working environment are not the same.

At school, there may be many people in one classroom.

There is a set schedule.

One participates in subjects they are not good at.

On the other hand, in work, the environment differs greatly depending on the job type and workplace.

Some people are suited for small-group workplaces.

Some people are good at tasks where they concentrate alone.

Some people demonstrate their strengths in jobs that involve interacting with others.
Some people work while receiving accommodations regarding working hours and methods.

There is no need to decide the possibilities of your own work based only on the experience of having trouble at school.

8. If there are developmental characteristics, it is important to think about a "suitable environment"

In the case of children and young people with developmental characteristics, it becomes painful when looking only at "what they cannot do" when thinking about anxiety for the future.

They are not good with loud noises or crowded places.

Sudden schedule changes are a burden.

Managing multiple things at once is difficult.

On the other hand,

They may be prone to concentrating on one thing.

They can research favorite fields deeply.

They are good at tasks with fixed procedures.

They may be able to demonstrate their strengths through specific methods, such as writing or using a computer.

There are people with such characteristics.

What is important is not "becoming a person who can do their best in any place."

It is knowing the environment where you can exert your strengths.

The experience of having trouble at school can sometimes be material for knowing an environment that does not suit you.

9. If mental distress is strong, it becomes easier to be pessimistic about the future

When anxiety and depression are strong, one may think about the future more negatively than necessary.

"It's useless no matter what I do."

"It's already too late."

"I can't do anything."

Such thoughts may surface repeatedly.

In this case, there are times when it is necessary to stabilize the mind and body first, rather than rushing only to think about future paths.

Are you sleeping?

Are you eating?

Are you living your daily life?

Is strong self-denial continuing?

Depending on the state, consulting with experts, such as school counseling agencies or medical institutions, is also an option.

To think calmly about the future, it is necessary to support the current mind and body.

10. It is natural for parents to worry about the future

Parents have a longer life experience than their children.

Therefore, they imagine not only the present where they are resting from school but also beyond that.

Can they go on to higher education?

Can they work?

Can they live?

What will happen after I can no longer support them?

It is natural to have such anxieties.

The problem is not the anxiety itself.

It is passing all of that anxiety onto the child now.

When parents are worrying ten years ahead, the child might be doing their best just to get through today.

The distance of time is different.

It is also important for parents to organize their own anxieties while talking with schools, counseling agencies, and supporters.

11. The reason why "What will you do in the future?" cannot be answered

When adults worry, they want to ask,
"What do you want to do from now on?"

"What do you want to be in the future?"

However, when one is exhausted in mind and body due to not attending school, this question can feel very heavy.

I don't even know how to spend tonight.

I don't even know if I can go to school tomorrow.

In that state, I cannot answer when asked about a profession years from now.

The problem is not that there is no dream for the future.

There are times when there is no room to imagine the future right now.

It is important to make the questions smaller.

"Is there anything you are a little interested in now?"

"What time do you feel relaxed when you are at home?"

"What kind of place seems easy to spend time in?"

From there, clues that lead to the future may be seen.

12. Do not think of the future as one single path

One of the reasons why anxiety about the future becomes large is the assumption that,

"If I get off this path, it's the end."

Go to school every day.

Go on to high school.

Graduate.

Go to university or vocational school.

Get a job.

There are people for whom this flow suits them.

However, it is not necessary for everyone to proceed in the same order or speed.

There are people who change schools along the way.

There are people who change their way of learning.

There are people who take a break once.

There are people who learn again after working.

By thinking of the future not as a single line, but as a path where you can change direction along the way, the anxiety may become a little lighter.

13. Knowing ways of learning other than school leads to peace of mind

If you think, "If I can't return to my current school, it's the end," the anxiety becomes large.

However, including things other than school, there are various options for ways of learning.

Education support centers.

Free schools.

Learning at home.

Learning utilizing online resources.

If they are high school students, there are also schools where they can learn through different systems, such as correspondence or part-time courses.

What is important is not to decide, "I will move here right now."

It is to know that there are options.

Even just having one escape route makes it easier for people to think calmly about their current situation.

Changing from "If this is impossible, everything is over" to "There are other ways" leads to peace of mind.

14. When thinking about the future, separate "information gathering" and "decision making"

When one starts looking into future paths, there are people who feel,

"If I look into it, I have to go there."

However, looking at information and deciding are different.

Look at materials about correspondence high schools.

Look at the websites of free schools.

Look into consultation counters.
Learn about ways of working.

At first, that is fine.

It does not mean you have to enter just because you visited.

It does not mean you have to change your future path just because you consulted.

Gather information not "to make a decision," but "to reduce the things you don't know a little."

With that mindset, the fear of looking at the future may become a little smaller.

15. Think about the future not in one-year units, but in "the next step"

When anxiety is strong, it can be difficult to answer when asked,

"Where do you want to be in a year?"

In that case, it is fine to think in shorter terms.

Check for contact from school today.

Go outside once this week.

Look into one place where you can consult this month.

Look at one material for a school you are interested in.

A big future is built from small accumulations of the present.

Even if what you can do now is small, it may lead to possibilities years from now.

Do not decide everything about the future; decide only the next step.

That is enough.

16. Do not predict the future only with "things you cannot do"

When not attending school, both the individual and those around them tend to focus on "things they have become unable to do."

Cannot go to school.

Cannot wake up in the morning.

Cannot study.

Cannot meet people.

However, that person also has other aspects.

Can concentrate for a long time if it is something they like.

Can research in detail on the internet.

Can be kind to family.

Good at writing.

Can interact with people inside games.

Interested in cooking.

You cannot predict that person's entire future based only on current troubles.

When thinking about the future, it is also important to look at "what they can do" and "what they are interested in" at the same time as the troubles.

17. Connection with society is not only school

When not attending school, one may become anxious, thinking,

"Won't I be separated from society like this?"

However, connection with society is not only school.

Talk to people other than family.

Go to a local place where you belong.

Participate in hobby activities.

Interact with people online.

Experience volunteering.

As they get older, they may also experience short-time work.

There is no need to aim for large social participation immediately.

You can start from small connections where the individual can feel secure.
18. What I want to convey to the individual

When the future is scary, even if told, "It's okay," you might not be able to think it is okay.

I think it is fine not to force yourself to feel secure.

It is a fact that the future is unknown.

But it is not decided that it will "go badly."

You might return to your current school.

You might learn in a different place.

You might move after taking a break once.

You might encounter a job you are not imagining now.

The fact that it is not yet decided does not mean that a bad future is determined, but that there are parts left that you can choose from now on.

You do not need to decide your whole life today.

19. How I personally feel about facing an "unknown future"

As a person with a visual impairment, when I start something new, I sometimes think,

"Can I do it?"

Because I cannot see, there are things I must think about in advance, such as moving and gathering information.

Not everything about the future is visible from the beginning.

That is precisely why I do not decide from the beginning based only on "can I do it or not," but think,

What method might make it possible?

Who can I consult?

What do I need to be able to participate?

I think it is the same for not attending school.

It is important to look for "what method suits me" rather than thinking only about "can I follow the normal path?"

A method that looks like a detour can sometimes become the path that is easiest for that person to continue.

20. A symbiotic society is also a society where you can start over

What is necessary for a symbiotic society is not to evaluate only those who can follow a path decided once to the end.

It is okay to rest from school.

It is okay to change your future path.

It is okay to learn again.

It is okay to use support.

It is okay to participate in society after stabilizing your physical condition.

It is important to be able to choose again as many times as you want.

Anyone can have the possibility of stopping due to illness, disability, family circumstances, or human relationships.

At that time, is it a society where "once you get off, you cannot return," or a society where "you can look for another path from here"?

I think that difference is very large.

21. Summary

When not attending school, one may become anxious not only about the present where they cannot go to school, but also about the future years ahead.

Can I go on to higher education?

Can I graduate?

Can I work?

Can I live on my own?

Once you start thinking, it feels as if you must solve everything right now.

However, what is necessary to face anxiety about the future is not to provide all the answers for the future today.
First, it is to separate what you are troubled by now and problems that are still ahead.

Not being able to go to school today.

Future path next year.

Work years from now.

If you make all of these one problem, it becomes too large.

It is fine to think about them one by one.

Rest now.

Consult next.

After that, look into ways of learning.

Think about future paths when it becomes necessary.

The order may differ depending on the person.

There are places to learn other than school.

There are people for whom an environment different from the current school suits them.

There are people who start moving after resting a little.

There are people who create connections with society from places other than school.

Just because one path was difficult does not mean the future itself disappears.

Parents also do not need to hold anxiety alone.

There are places where you can consult, such as schools, educational counseling, welfare personnel, and medical institutions.

The feeling of worrying about the individual's future and not rushing the individual now can coexist.

And the individual also does not need to decide their dream for the future right now.

If you don't know, there are times when it is fine to remain not knowing.

Spend today first.

Look at information when you feel a little better.

When you find something you are interested in, try getting one step closer.

While repeating that, the future will take shape little by little.

Not being able to see the future does not mean there is no future.

Precisely because it is not yet decided, there are paths you can choose from now on.

That those who have stopped can learn again, choose again, and connect with society in a form that suits them as many times as they want.

Such a society leads to a symbiotic society where not only children and young people not attending school, but everyone can live with peace of mind.

Next time, I will explain the "background of day-night reversal" in the hikikomori series for those involved.