It Doesn't Matter, Does It?

Mii-chan was diagnosed with intellectual disability (with autistic tendencies) when she was three years old.
Even now, I cannot clearly understand the difference between this autism and autistic tendencies.

Even the doctor who made the diagnosis explained that the boundary is like an endless gradation (or so I perceived it). In short, the stronger the fixation, the further one moves into the black zone called autism, and if it is judged to be less so, one moves to the pale gray area on the other side; there is no clear boundary, and it is infinitely loose and opaque.

Whether it is autism or autistic tendencies, it is just a difference in the degree of fixation, and I thought, what does it matter what it's called?
Because Mii-chan is still Mii-chan, no matter what.

I wanted to at least buy Mii-chan a school bag, like the other children, since she was going to attend a special needs school.
At the school orientation, the list of things to bring hardly included anything for learning like textbooks or notebooks, but I was told to prepare a large backpack to hold a communication notebook, gym clothes, jerseys, a change of clothes, an apron for lunch, and a toothbrush set.
A backpack, huh...
I wanted to at least let her carry a school bag.
I thought that, but I realized the luggage was far more voluminous than I had expected. I had thought that a school bag would help maintain appearances for attending school.
Isn't it fine as long as it's something Mii-chan can carry easily and put things in and out of by herself?

Elementary division, middle school division, and then high school division.
Mii-chan, who I heard was quite a handful when she first enrolled, had somehow calmed down.
When they reach the high school division, the expressions and eyes of the parents change. They smile with their mouths, but their eyes do not.
That is because the word 'graduation' finally weighs on them as a reality.

The parents' ways of thinking and personalities emerge clearly during the process of choosing a path after graduation.
There are enthusiastic moms who go to the ward office almost every day, pleading and petitioning to find a suitable path for their child.
It is a relationship where mother and daughter seem to be stuck together.
That person, who transferred in from the second year of high school, was also very enthusiastic about education.
She seemed proud of the fact that she had her child try various things and had achieved decent results.

At first, I praised her, saying 'That's amazing,' but eventually, I had heard enough and was fed up.
You should do this, if you do this, our child was able to do this too.
While saying 'That's good for you,' my face was turned halfway away.
Strong energy is contagious.
There were several moms around her who acted in concert with her. They all radiated a unique aura.

Mii-chan also became a third-year student in the high school division.
The decision for her path after graduation was still vague.
We ended up visiting several workshops to decide, and the one who pushed for that was that mom who had now become the boss figure.
Mii-chan's mom.
One of her followers called out to me.
Mii-chan, have you decided on your path yet?
Huh? We haven't yet.
The mom who heard that said it in a way that feigned innocence.

Oh, really?
It's just that Mii-chan's mom seems to have some leeway, and you're not in our LINE group, and Mii-chan is so excellent, so I thought you had already decided.

Ah, so that's what it was.
I kept myself emotionally far away from them. I made sure of that.
It's fine to flock together, but everyone follows one person's opinion. If she says this, then this.
If she says it's correct, then that becomes the absolute truth.
It's ridiculous. It makes me sick.
I heard they were holding bazaars every Saturday and Sunday to help set up workshops and the like.
If they had time, they would go petitioning at the ward office again.
I remember her saying to another mom who said she worked part-time, 'I can't believe it, who is going to look after your child?'

Every family has different circumstances.
I also know people who barely maintained their mental balance by using a small amount of time working as a breather.
Without even trying to understand or imagine that background, she would cut them down, saying that person is running away from their child and abandoning their responsibilities as a mother.

When the graduation ceremony ended, the venue changed to a thank-you party without a moment's rest.
I had taken on the role of moderator with another mom friend.
When I was standing at the reception, the boss mom in question passed by, so I called out to her, 'Oh, your hair is curled, it's lovely.'
As if she hadn't heard my voice at all, she was greeting the other mom next to her, saying 'Take care' and 'Congratulations.'

So what of it?
I looked down and suppressed my laughter.
Her hair was in vertical curls just like Eliza from Candy Candy, and in truth, it didn't suit her at all, nor was it cute.

I no longer have any contact with the mom friends I had back then.
I wonder if they are still hanging out in groups.
I wonder if they proudly believe they did their best for their children as mothers, rather than living their own lives.
That is fine, too.
But there are also people like me who take pride in choosing to live as an individual and as a woman before being a mother.

Anything is fine.