[Breast Cancer Battle Comic Essay] Ep 15: A Mind and Body Being Eaten Away

Episode 15

This Time's Receipt

Daily Companion Record

CHOCO'S column

The reason I could keep going was right by my side

From the moment I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I decided with Karin-chan that we would create this essay manga together.
The day of my first cycle was also the day I had to decide whether or not to undergo chemotherapy, so I went to the hospital alone. When I decided to go through with the treatment, I thought, 'Maybe it would be better if Karin-chan were here too,' and immediately consulted my doctor. I confirmed whether I had permission to turn it into a manga and if she could accompany me to my hospital visits.
After that, she accompanied me to the hospital for my second and third cycles and watched over my treatment.
I thought I was 'fine'.
I'm indecisive, but once I make up my mind, I act quickly. I'm a negative thinker, but also careless and insensitive. I wouldn't call myself a positive person, but I've always managed to get by until now, and I figured I'd manage this time too.
In fact, the side effects for cycles 1 through 3 were lighter than I had imagined, and once the side effects wore off, my body felt surprisingly light.
But on the morning of the fourth cycle, the moment I woke up to my alarm, I was shocked to find my body so heavy I couldn't move.
I realized, 'I was only able to go because Karin-chan was coming with me,' and at the same time, I thought, 'I am so weak.'
Breast cancer symptoms vary from person to person. I had absolutely no health issues other than the lump, so I was the picture of health before treatment.
But once you get chemotherapy, your health deteriorates. Even when you regain your strength, you fall back down again. That cycle was truly exhausting.
The guilt I felt when calling the hospital was also intense; I was filled with thoughts of 'They've prepared such expensive medicine for me...' and 'I don't want to suffer anymore.'
I'm not good at relying on others, so I headed to my fourth cycle of treatment while carrying those feelings.

[CHOCO]
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