I Can't Write Romance Novels. / Lesson 7: "I Tried Reading a Romance Novel"

I love libraries. A quiet space surrounded by countless books. It is one of the top two places I love most in my twenty-nine years of life.
I also love bookstores. I like large bookstores, but I also visit the used bookstore I frequented since I was in elementary school whenever I have the chance to return to my parents' home. It is no exaggeration to say that I have walked the path of a quintessential literary youth.

However, have I ever felt as depressed about going to a bookstore as I do today? No, I have not.
Sales representatives from various publishers come and go in this bookstore. Given that I have dealings with Bunkasha and other publishers, I wore the fake glasses I usually use for going out, put on a mask, wore a hoodie and denim, and styled my hair casually before heading to the bookstore.

The first floor is lined with new books. As expected of a long-established large bookstore. It feels strangely ticklish to see my own work in the bestseller section. There was even a display for 'Aoki Prize-winning author, Takito Ida' in the store's POP advertisements.
No one would imagine that such an Aoki Prize-winning author is not only struggling with his next work but is also 'hesitating to buy a romance novel.' Putting aside my guilty conscience, I just need to get a romance novel.

A weekday at the bookstore. In the countryside, it is common to see not a single soul, but this is the city center. It is close to the station, and a fair number of people are coming and going. Yosuke takes a moment to catch his breath in the magazine section, pretending to browse through car magazines he has no interest in. The destination is five meters away by estimation. A place that is both near and far. When should I go... and I don't even know what kind of face I should make when buying it. My thought process is becoming increasingly chaotic, and it is about to swallow Yosuke whole.

I felt that it must be the same feeling as an adolescent boy picking up an adult magazine. It is not my imagination that my heartbeat has been sounding strangely loud in the back of my ears for a while now, or that I am sweating on my forehead.
I am not an adolescent child! I shout in my heart, but what I am holding right now is a music magazine for young people. This is even more cowardly than an adolescent child.
If Ayano were here right now, she would definitely laugh and say, 'You're too much of a dork!' Or rather, I feel like I can hear that laughter. Oh, I wish I were a woman, I even think of things that are completely impossible.

Several women browse through the bestselling romance novel that Ayano mentioned. And almost every woman picks up that book and heads to the register. It seems that book has 'something' that appeals to women to that extent. This was the conclusion Yosuke reached after observing for about 20 minutes while pretending to browse through motorcycle magazines.

I cannot make up my mind when to go. I must have been observing for about an hour now. Go already, you idiot! You fool! I'm going to be treated like a suspicious person at this rate! Yosuke spurred himself on and finally bit the bullet.
My legs are shaking. The heart marks on the obvious POP advertisements are right there, closing in on me.
Two more meters... come on, me, come on, me, I encourage myself with all my might, and finally reach my destination. The feeling of relief that I have arrived, and the mission that I must now pick up this romance novel, weigh heavily on Yosuke himself.
The books, stacked flat in a row, were covered in a pale pink cover that seemed to please women. Since my hands were already drenched in sweat, I rubbed my palms on my denim before tentatively picking one up. A woman who looked like a working professional next to me glanced at me for a moment. Whoa, I'm not a suspicious person! And I won't do any harm to you! Also, please don't report me to the store clerk! I am definitely not a suspicious person! I convey this completely paranoid inner scream just through my demeanor.
My hands are still shaking. However, there is no point if I don't pick it up. I managed to pick it up five minutes after reaching the bestseller section. I am already a suspicious person. With a desperate desire to leave quickly, I apologize, but I skim through the first part.

—Ayano! Why did you recommend this to me!? Yosuke almost screamed for real. It started with a sudden, or perhaps I should say 'cliché,' intense love scene.
No, I feel dizzy. While I am doing this, several women are taking the same book that is in Yosuke's hands to the register. Ayano must have judged that 'something' that attracts women—in other words, that part—is what Yosuke lacks.

I know the author. I have never met her, but she was a very famous author. I have heard that the world she writes is indeed popular with women. She has a long career. However, Yosuke himself was experiencing culture shock, wondering if romance novels are this intense. Do women in society desire this kind of world? Or do they project themselves onto the protagonist? There are various speculations, but I decided to read on.
There were two other romance novels by different authors in the bestseller section. I pick them up without reading them. Next to them is my own work. It is an indescribable feeling.
"Excuse me... I'll take this."
The time it took to say this line was about two hours. It goes without saying that I emphasized "Yes, please!" when the clerk asked, "Would you like a cover?"

Yosuke's fatigue had reached its peak after just a two-hour 'adventure to the bookstore.' I take off my fake glasses and collapse onto my bed in my room.
"What is that world..."
Just muttering that, Yosuke fell into the world of sleep.
How long had I been sleeping? I wake up to the shrill ringing of my smartphone.
"Hello..."
Yosuke usually doesn't have trouble waking up, but perhaps due to fatigue, his voice sounded extremely grumpy.
"What's with that grumpy voice! Is it a nuisance when I call you!? Oh, and did you go to the bookstore today?"
It's Ayano.
I want to say that it's not my fault that I'm grumpy, but my brain is slow because I just woke up.
"You're meddlesome, you know. I went properly, and I bought it, so don't make such a fuss."
"How is it after reading it?"
"I've only read the beginning."
"Why haven't you finished reading it!"
Ayano's voice barking through the phone echoes. My head started to ache as if it were splitting, so I complained.
"You're noisy, really."
"Yes, yes, I understand. The sales were amazing, right?"
"Yeah, I observed for about two hours, and that is amazing. I thought it was some kind of magic."
"...Two hours? You were at the bookstore for two hours?"
Knowing this childhood friend, she probably sees right through the fact that I hesitated to buy a romance novel. Yosuke dares to answer honestly.
"Usually it's longer. Today it took two hours just to acquire it..."
"Oh, I see."
"What is that light response... You're not cute, you know."
Yosuke started to get irritated. I thought that this part of her has never been cute since long ago, and the words that came out were a mistake.
"...Is that so, I understand. Then, the request of this uncute me. Italian plus..."

Yosuke jumped up at Ayano's shocking statement that followed.

"Hey! I'm not rich, you know!?"
"With the prize money from the Aoki Prize the other day! Right!"
"I will absolutely not buy it! I'm going to read it now!"

Yosuke hung up the phone while half-angry.
This is no joke! Why do I have to buy Ayano a top-brand bag! Yosuke rummaged through the bookstore's paper bag with a frustrated feeling and picked up the romance novel that many women had bought at the bestseller section.

—The content was about a woman suffering from an affair living her life.
First of all, 'affair' is impossible in Yosuke's mind. However, there are probably people in the world who make such choices. I don't deny that. It's just that Yosuke himself doesn't do it. No, before that, if I don't clear my first love, there's no such thing as an affair. I just pray that the first person I fall in love with doesn't have a husband.
The description is detailed. The beginning is an intense love scene, but why did it lead to an affair, and the protagonist's conflict... The protagonist who repeats being cornered and cornering others, the affair partner, and his wife. Furthermore, it links to the protagonist's past, and Yosuke thought it was quite interesting. The ending was far from a happy ending, but the aftertaste is not bad. Rather, I can say it is 'good.' Even if I cannot affirm it, I wanted to applaud this author's 'power to make people read.' I see, no wonder so many women are buying it. Men might shy away from it, but if you remove the theme of an affair, it is content that is well worth reading even for men.
However, what Yosuke needs is 'female psychology' and 'romance itself,' and this work has gone two or three steps ahead of the information Yosuke is seeking.

The next one I picked up was a work about high school romance. For Yosuke, I expected, 'I might be able to grasp something from this!' but...
"Why!?"
Yosuke shouted and threw the book he was holding. Since Yosuke has been shouting lately, I should be grateful for the soundproofing of this apartment. That is how surprised and horrified I felt.
Kinoshita's words suddenly came back to me.
"There are also many sexual descriptions of middle and high school girls. However, this sells, so it can't be helped."
It was a work that exactly fit Kinoshita's words. For Yosuke, who was raised in an all-boys school, it would have been fortunate if I could have learned about the fun of a co-ed school, but it was beyond my scope of understanding. Even if I overlooked the parts where the grammar was not correct... why can they say 'I love you' so easily!? Why is it sexual intercourse so quickly!? Before I knew it, cold sweat was flowing from Yosuke's forehead to his neck.
During my all-boys school days, the guys who stood out in class were making noise about having group dates with girls from famous girls' schools. That is how much there is zero opportunity for boys' schools to interact with the opposite sex. Since Yosuke has a good-looking face, he was often invited, saying, 'Sugawara, come too!' but I would refuse with the standard pattern, 'Sorry, I'm going to the library.' For a man who 'doesn't even go to places where he can meet the opposite sex,' this novel is, frankly speaking, 'poison.' And 'deadly poison' at that.
"Is this really... selling?"
No matter what kind of work it is, I don't treat books roughly. I mutter while picking up the book that flew to the corner of the room, ignoring Yosuke's own rule. I can't read this. I'm sorry to the author, but this is as far as I go. I felt bad about throwing it away, so I thought about selling it to a used bookstore, but I felt it was subtle to sell this book at a used bookstore. Above all, I feel like I'm going to lose to the feeling of shame, but it can't be helped.

I bet my last hope on the last book.
On the obi, it is written in a large font, 'Unrequited love is fun! Delivered to you, a pure romance story!!' It is an author Yosuke also likes. In small letters, it is also written, '13 years since release, the memories that don't fade are here.' 13 years ago would be exactly when Yosuke was a high school student. Can I read this?
The story began from the point where the male high school student protagonist had a crush on a female student in another class. It is probably closer to a light novel than a literary book. Yosuke read it seriously, and before he knew it, he had fallen asleep again.

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