#994 Breaking Free from Searching for the 'Right Answer' (When You're Tired of Worrying About Others' Reactions)
Good morning.
I'm Asako Odagi, and I find joy in the increasing number of women who can say they love their work and enjoy it.
This channel delivers tips that are a little helpful for work, career, and balancing both, from the online school SCRAP, where we make work more interesting and careers more sustainable through team working.
It's Thursday morning.
Today, I'd like to deliver the weekly Thursday Q&A corner with Natsu, who helps run this channel.
Natsu's question today is titled, 'Breaking Free from Searching for the 'Right Answer''.
Am I the only one who thinks there are a lot of 'breaking free' series in Natsu's questions?
Today, we received another one from that series, with the theme of 'Breaking Free from the Mindset of Worrying About the 'Right Answer''.
Breaking Free from the Mindset of Worrying About the 'Right Answer'
[Do any of you listeners ever find yourselves worrying about the 'right answer' or the reactions of your boss at work'? For those of you managing teams, I'm sure some of you are going through trial and error to help your members break free from the mindset of searching for the 'right answer'.
When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I myself worried too much about the reactions of my boss and those around me, and I was
swayed more than necessary. Also, by trying to provide what the other person considered the 'right answer,' I had many experiences where I spent my time and energy in directions that were fundamentally different. This mindset of searching for the 'right answer' often operates in the unconscious realm, and I feel that
it was difficult to noticeback when I was truly stuck in it.
NOKIOO also uses the keyword 'let's let go of searching for the right answer' in the online school they provide, but please tell me how to notice that I am trapped in that mindset, and what the first step is to break free from it once I've noticed.]
That is the question. Thank you, Natsu.
To summarize the key points of today's question, it starts with, don't we all tend to search for the 'right answer'?
Searching for the 'right answer' is a term I think you've used to collectively refer to things like worrying about a boss's reaction, communicating under the assumption that the other person holds the answer, or feeling unable to be at ease unless the other person tells you that you're correct.
This is a request for me to broadcast about how to notice when you are stuck in this state, and how to break free from it, while reflecting on the past where this went too far, leading to worrying too much about others' reactions and being swayed more than necessary.
By calling 'searching for the right answer' something you want to break free from, rather than a good pattern, I think our premise is that there is no such thing as a 'right answer'—or even more, that the other person doesn't have the 'right answer' either. If you get stuck there, you can't focus on essential things, and furthermore, it might lower your work performance or make it difficult to develop your business more sustainably, right? I think you summarized it as a state that should be broken free from, based on these premises.
Past broadcasts on how to break free
You asked for both how to notice it and how to break free, but actually, there is a direct related broadcast on how to break free, so today I will focus on how to notice it, and for how to break free, I will link to '#962 If you grasp 'what is more important' than others' eyes, you won't worry about others' eyes', which is the exact broadcast on how to break free, in this chapter. Please listen to them in sequence if you'd like.
First, what's important is how to notice it. I think that perspective is spot on.
To get out of a swamp, you must first notice that you are stuck in one. That is the very first step. I agree completely, so today I would like to broadcast my thoughts on how to notice, recognize, and become aware of the state where 'I am currently stuck searching for the right answer' or 'I am stuck in the swamp'.
Giving a name to the state of being stuck
First, the most important thing—and this is common to all swamps, not just searching for the right answer—is to give a name to the state of being stuck.
I think this is a royal road pattern that is highly applicable and reproducible.
For example, in the mindset of wondering if there is a 'right answer,' you might worry too much about the other person's reaction, or be unable to focus on what's important because of it. I call this 'searching for the right answer' or 'right-answer-ism,' and by giving it a name, you can identify it, right?
Giving it a name is very effective for noticing it.
By the way, I have named three swamps that business people tend to get stuck in: right-answer-ism, comparison-ism, and perfectionism. Or, for example, being at a dead end, or a state of 'sumo wrestling alone,' or a state where facts and emotions are all mixed up. Just give a name to the state.
When you do that, you can suddenly become aware, objectively notice yourself in that state, or observe that state.
I really think giving things a name has an power that shouldn't be underestimated.
This time, whether you call it 'searching for the right answer state' or 'right-answer-ism,' it's about the state where you end up searching for the right answer—or more specifically, searching for the answer within the other person under the assumption that they must have it—and as a result, you are stressed, swayed, and unable to achieve the results you should be achieving. If you call that 'right-answer-ism,' our minds will quickly grasp the concrete phenomena and start to see ourselves objectively, asking, 'Isn't this that?' or 'Am I in this state right now?' I think this is incredibly useful.
So, the first way to notice is to give the state a name.
Understanding the mechanism of getting stuck
If that is the beginner level, there is an intermediate level, which is understanding the mechanism of getting stuck.
It's about your own tendencies. Grasping this.
If you have this, it becomes even easier to notice and break free, so I highly recommend it.
Understanding the mechanism of getting stuck. What does this mean? Even if the state of being stuck in searching for the right answer is the same, the mechanism for getting stuck in that state actually differs quite a bit from person to person.
Therefore, it is important to know what kind of pattern makes you likely to fall into this state. Don't think about it while denying yourself; just
what kind of mechanism is making me stuck?, and the trick is to think about it objectively and flatly. For example, even if the final swamp you are stuck in is the same 'searching for the right answer' state, some people might get stuck when they don't know something or feel unconfident in their own ideas, while others might get stuck because of a 'should' theory, like 'that should be decided by the boss.' These two patterns are completely different, right?Others might get stuck when they are busy and their thinking stops, saying things like 'please decide that' or 'please give me instructions.' Others might get stuck because their thinking of 'I don't want to fail' or 'I don't want to make a mistake' is very strong. Furthermore, some people get stuck because they are super worried about what the other person thinks, more than whether it's the 'right answer' or not. These are all different ways of getting stuck.In any case, knowing what kind of pattern you get stuck in—or rather, your own characteristics and tendencies—is what I think becomes the intermediate way of noticing.
knowing your own characteristics and tendencies
Having a support system outside of yourself
If there is a third one, is it the advanced level after beginner and intermediate? It's like, sometimes the way you get stuck is so natural that you can't notice it yourself. I have that happen to me.
In such cases, having a support system outside of yourself becomes an important method for noticing.
Having opportunities or people who make you notice.
For example, having a monthly 1-on-1 where you can reflect, or having a sounding board outside the team, or having a mechanism or peers outside the organization where you can regularly reflect and see yourself objectively. This is, I think, a ray of hope for us when we can't help but get stuck even after naming it or knowing the pattern, or when we can't notice the pattern or mechanism on our own—or even more, when we are in that state so naturally that it's hard to notice we are stuck.
I called it the advanced level, but there is a limit to what you can notice on your own, so in order to notice effectively and change effectively, I think having opportunities or people who make you notice is very healthy, and furthermore, essential for changing without effort or maintaining a good state.
So, what do you think?
Today, based on Natsu-san's topic of 'breaking free from seeking the right answer,' I shared three ways to notice when you're stuck in that state.
As for the direct method of how to break free, there is a broadcast titled '#962 If You Focus on 'What's More Important' Than Others' Opinions, You Won't Worry About Them Anymore,' so I've included a link in the chapter.
If you'd like, please go ahead and listen to that, then come back to the latter part of this chapter.
Last week's top broadcast: The Secrets of Text Communication & Introduction of This Week's Comments
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Tomoko Odagi Profile
'My joy is seeing more women who can say they love their work and enjoy it.' I am Tomoko Odagi.
This channel delivers 'wisdom and tips' every weekday morning to help working women flexibly overcome changes after childbirth and make their work more enjoyable, brought to you by the online school "Schoola". After taking two maternity leaves, I am currently an executive at NOKIOO Inc., which focuses on human resource development and organizational development.
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