#923 How to deal with the uneasy feeling of looking at social media
Good morning.
I'm Asako Odagi, and I find joy in seeing more women who love their work and can tell each other how fun it is.
This channel delivers tips that are a little helpful for work, career, and balancing both, from the online school Scra where we make work more interesting and careers more sustainable through team working.
Since today is Thursday, I would like to deliver Natsu's weekly Thursday Q&A corner.
This is Natsu, who runs this channel with me.
Natsu lives in Fukuoka, and she said that during summer vacation, she went back and forth between her parents' home in Nagasaki and her partner's parents' home, also in Kyushu.
Here is Natsu's question after the summer break.
Even if I understand in my head that it's not a comparison, I still feel uneasy.
【This week, I would like to ask a question about the uneasy feeling that comes when the glitz of social media becomes blinding even though I know I shouldn't compare. I try to engage with relevant social media posts to share the vision of the team that
NOKIOO aims for, but when I see acquaintances or friends who are much better at posting than I am, or who are taking on challenges I couldn't do myself, I can't help but feel impatient. The points that make us feel uneasy might differ for everyone, but
we unconsciously compare ourselves to others through social media. Please tell me some points on how not to be swayed by the thought that I'm not good enough or by feelings of impatience when I notice it.】 That is the question I received this week.Natsu, thank you.
Does anyone else feel that sense of unease when looking at social media, or feel impatient when comparing yourself to others?
This is a very common experience, isn't it? I think everyone feels it. I understand this feeling very well myself.
As Natsu wrote, even if you know in your head that it's not a comparison or that the information here isn't everything, your feelings sway on their own. I think that happens.
So, what do you do with those feelings? Let's think about it together.
The feeling of impatience from comparing yourself to others is different from the feeling of unease from the unspecified masses
First, what I think is that the feeling of impatience from comparing yourself to others is probably different from the feeling of unease from looking at social media and the unspecified masses.
In that sense, there is a difference between a state where you feel impatient toward a concrete, real target, and a state where you see various things in fragments and some mysterious, intangible something swells up, making you feel like, 'I don't feel like I'm doing well at all,' or 'I feel like I need to work harder,' and that intangible something swells up too much, making your own situation or current state feel very small and inadequate.
The feeling of letting something intangible swell up and feeling down in contrast to it is definitely different, so I think it's better to separate these and think about them.
There are cases where you get caught in a spiral of feeling down because you keep making that mysterious something bigger inside yourself, so this is something to be careful about.
What kind of impact does the feeling that has welled up have on you?
Excluding that, regarding the feeling of just comparing and getting impatient, rather than what kind of feeling wells up, what kind of impact does the feeling that has welled up have on you? I think this is the point.
For example, if the feeling of impatience acts as a stimulus, accelerating your own actions or pushing you to focus on the things you want to work hard on, if it's having a positive impact, then it might be a good stimulus. On the other hand, if that feeling of impatience is, for example, amplifying a sense of lethargy, or if you're caught in a spiral of 'I'm not good enough,' and it's creating a state where you're losing more and more confidence, if it's having a negative impact, then you should cut off that stimulus or feeling for a while.
In that sense, I think it's necessary as a premise to calmly look at what kind of impact that feeling is having.
I'm saying this to myself as well. I'm telling myself this in today's broadcast.
Look at what kind of impact it's having, and choose is the basic stance, isn't it?
It's not a monism like social media is good or bad; there's a premise that 'this is what social media is,' right?
Probably for many people, when they are in good condition, it can be medicine or a vitality booster, while on the other hand, when they are not in very good condition or are tired, it's like a potent drug that sucks away even more energy. In short, social media is there unchanged as this kind of thing, and I think your own condition when using it has a significant impact, so you should properly look at the impact it's having, what kind of impact it's having now, and choose whether you should take it or not.
This is necessary.
Even so, since social media is an important source of information and there is a desire to use it well, as Natsu wrote in her question, I would like to share one perspective at the end on how to control the feelings of impatience and unease yourself.
Have the premise that the way to win is different
What is that? In a word, the way to win is different. Keep this in mind when using it.
The way to win is different.
I don't think everything is about winning or losing, but since it's an easy-to-understand expression, I will dare to use the expression 'the way to win is different,' and I will use this expression with the premise that a 'winning state' is not whether you beat someone else, but a state where you yourself continue to demonstrate good performance.
What is a state where you continue to demonstrate good performance? Of course, I think it's different for each person, but for example, in work, it means you are properly contributing to the team or the other party, which leads to your own sense of fulfillment in work, and further leads to a sense of growth. A cycle that works well continues to have a positive impact on yourself and others, and you yourself are moving forward more and more. Although the expression may differ from person to person, it might be possible to define it as a state where you continue to demonstrate good performance for yourself and the team. In the home, it might be that building a good relationship with your partner and being at home gives vitality to the whole family, and maintaining that state might be the definition of continuing to demonstrate good performance.
I think you can define this for yourself, but anyway, I hope you can imagine that a state where you are able to continue to demonstrate good performance for yourself is a 'winning state'.
The field you are standing on and your personality are completely different
The premise that the way to win is different on top of that is because you are decisively different in many ways from the other person you are comparing yourself to.
Specifically, first of all, the field you are standing on is completely different, I think.
What kind of environment is it? Or, if it's work, what kind of role are you playing in it, what is required of you, what is your current situation, and what stage are you at?
I think the fields are so different that there are probably no two conditions that are the same.
Multiplied by that, your personality is also different.
The skill set you have, your strengths, and your strengths and good points as an individual are completely different.
Therefore, since the field and personality are different, for example, some people might say that having an impact on others by posting is their way of winning, a state where they continue to demonstrate good performance, while others might say that their way of winning is to carefully face issues that cannot be spoken of and provide value in a one-on-one relationship, so ignoring this premise, in reality, a side-by-side comparison cannot be established, right?
Isn't it the same in private life?
Some people have a personality where interacting with many people leads to their vitality and performance, while others have a personality where observing plants quietly by themselves becomes a mental energy charge, allowing them to demonstrate good performance, so having the premise that the way to win is different is very important.
On top of that, if you think, 'This person's way of doing this is amazing,' or 'I really want to use this way of doing things as a reference,' you should incorporate it more and more.
Is it something like that?
Having the premise that the way to win is different, as I just said, and turning back to properly grasping your own field and personality and connecting them to good performance, this is a goal-oriented way of thinking, I think.
So, when you are lost, what is necessary for me to continue to demonstrate good performance? I thought again while saying it to myself that I hope I can have a stance of choosing based on that purpose.
Natsu, thank you for your question again this week.
Then, in the next chapter, I would like to deliver last week's most popular broadcast and the thank you for your comments corner.
Last week's most popular broadcast was that broadcast that took up the 'problem of not having enough people' & introduction of this week's comments
Please continue listening on Voicy.
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I am Tomoko Odagi, and my joy is seeing more women who can say they love their work and enjoy it.
This channel delivers "wisdom and tips" every weekday morning to help women balancing work and life overcome post-childbirth changes flexibly and make their work more enjoyable, brought to you by the
online school "Schoola". After taking two maternity leaves, I am currently an executive at NOKIOO Inc., which focuses on human resource development and organizational development. *Schoola Official Website |
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