The story of how a 10-year attachment that left me stuck suddenly vanished

The other day, I talked about how I haven't been able to let go of an attachment for 10 years.
It's about a person I wasn't dating at the time, but whom I loved so much that I still can't forget them.
We used to drink together until morning, but we never had a physical relationship, and they ended up marrying their girlfriend at the time.
Even though we haven't been in touch for a long time, I couldn't forget them, and it was painful.

This is sudden, but I was (probably) able to sublimate that attachment.
It happened quite soon after I posted.
It's nothing but a surprising turn of events.
I mean, it's been 10 years.
I was struggling because I didn't know how to deal with it myself.
It's only been about a month since I posted, but the core of the lingering resentment that had been there all this time has disappeared from within me.
I was so suspicious of myself, wondering if it was really true, that I've been watching myself until today (after all, it's been 10 years), but I think it has finally been laid to rest.
So, today I want to talk about why I was able to sublimate those feelings and what I did.

First, before I made that post the other day, I was talking with a friend.
I went to stay at my friend's house, and we talked a lot.
The post the other day was a summary of what we talked about and what I felt, written the next day.

Reason for sublimation ①: I told everything to a friend who knew about that time, and they accepted it.

My friend was also a mutual friend of the person I had a crush on.
We were the kind of friends who would hang out in groups or go on trips together.
Since he had a girlfriend at the time, I didn't even talk to this friend much about him.
Even though it's late, I told them that I couldn't forget him.
We were drinking, and I think we talked until maybe 2 or 3 in the morning.
In the end, I cried my eyes out in a park at night (so youthful!) while they listened to me talk about that time.

First of all, it was a big deal to be able to let it all out.
I think that if you keep thoughts and feelings bottled up inside without letting them out, they ferment, condense, and change their nature.
What I did, what I said, what I thought, what I think now, and what was painful.
Just having them listen to me made me feel much lighter.

Also, the source of my great anxiety and resentment was the fear that I had just gotten carried away on my own, fallen in love on my own, and was dragging it out.
I was even afraid that I might have a stalker-like tendency to misunderstand things and be fighting a one-sided battle.
After all, he never told me in words that he had feelings for me.
But, my friend said something to me.
There were things he did for me that he didn't do for that friend or other women, so that's not the case. He was just being unfair..
That comment took the weight off my shoulders.
With those words, the resentment that had lasted for 10 years melted away.

I just wanted to know the fact that he had similar feelings at the time.I think I kept holding onto those feelings so dearly because I wanted to know that.
I believe that humans can have contradictory emotions at the same time, or even have multiple emotions.
Now, it doesn't matter if it was at the same time as his girlfriend, or the fact that he eventually married her and I wasn't chosen.
Of course, it was painful at the time, and I was shocked to hear he was getting married.
Well, I wasn't even dating him, and I wasn't even his mistress.
Even if I wasn't in a position to have the right to say such things, it was a one-sided love, but I was shocked.
But apart from that, I wanted to believe that he had feelings for me.
I think now that that desire was the root of the attachment that lasted so long.

By having a friend who knew about that time acknowledge that, I felt like it was finally okay, and these feelings were finally laid to rest.

Reason for sublimation ②: Posting my thoughts

I flash-froze my feelings and wrote them in the post.
I released them into the world.
Even if I were to die now, the trail of those feelings would not disappear.
If I wanted to, I could even have the other person read them after I die to convey my feelings and resentment from that time (though I won't).

Once I realized I could do that, I thought I didn't need to keep them inside myself anymore.
Because all the emotions are right there.
I flash-froze them there.
If I ever want to look back, I can just go back there.
By posting, I was able to take the memories and feelings out of myself and save them to a separate memory.By doing that, I was able to feel that I didn't need to use my current capacity for them.

Before I made the post, my feelings for him were like something black-purple, viscous, and thick.
By the way, memories of someone I dated at a different time feel like something transparent, light blue, smooth and sparkling, or like a deep green, highly saturated board.
The image of him now is still black-purple, but it has changed to something like water, smooth and slightly transparent.

Attachment is, in short, obsession.
I feel that this change in image is proof that my obsession has faded.

Something that had been there for 10 years has suddenly disappeared, and I feel a bit dazed.

But I am also relieved, as it seems I am finally going to be freed from these feelings.

Today was the 47th day of my daily posts.