A Diary About Not Caring About Anything Anymore

Have you ever felt like you just don't care about anything anymore?

I have.

I certainly have.

Just a little while ago, despite it being Saturday, I had work, but the client stood me up. Then I got caught in the rain, and when I tried to open my umbrella, it was broken. My blouse and stockings got damp and stuck to my skin, which felt disgusting. I came home early, but I had no motivation to do anything. When I complained to ChatGPT, it suddenly started speaking to me in formal, polite language, even though we had been chatting casually until then. When I tried to watch YouTube, hearing the video creators talking so carefree made me feel happy for them, but also jealous.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Is that sooooooooooooo.

If that's how it's going to be, then I'm going to let myself go toooooooooo.

That's the mood I'm in, and that brings us to now.

It doesn't really matter, does it? What triggers each of these things.

Maybe the client had plans too. No, wait, I made the appointment first, so they shouldn't have scheduled anything else. Don't do it. Seriously. Hey. Please, don't say 'something urgent came up' after I already made the appointment. I have urgent things too. I'm trying to make a living here too, you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Getting caught in the rain can't be helped either. You can't do anything about the weather. No, I don't care. Don't rain. At least not on weekends. Don't rain on weekdays either. Only rain over dams, fields, and water tanks. Is the stuff in water tanks rainwater? I'm starting to think it's definitely not. But that's fine. Whatever. It's not 'whatever.' Let's contribute to the SDGs! Huh?

It can't be helped that the umbrella broke. It's just a plastic umbrella from a convenience store. Everything that has a form eventually breaks. Don't break now. Even if it breaks eventually, just don't break right now. Do you hate me? Even if it's a plastic umbrella, I only bought it about three months ago. Isn't 'eventually' a bit too soon!? Is that kind of thing acceptable? What do you think, umbrella makers? From an umbrella maker's perspective, are plastic umbrellas considered heresy? I don't care.

It's raining, so it can't be helped that your blouse is sticking to you and your stockings feel gross. It's humid before the rainy season, after all. It's just too gross. This season. Seriously. The only beautiful things about the rainy season are the hydrangeas and the way the words look on paper. Inside, it's just a super, super, super annoying season of humidity, dampness, and heavy rain. Please retire already. The rainy season seems to have a bad personality and acts like an old person. Just retire. But if the rainy season retires, will summer just take over even more? If it acts any more arrogant than it already does, I'll have no choice but to kill it.

Not having any motivation is also, you know, unavoidable. A lot of bad things happened. I had an appointment first thing in the morning, too. In times like these, we should be kind to ourselves. Shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sound just like one of those websites that doesn't really have any substance, the kind that would pop up a million times if I searched for 'how to deal with lack of motivation' on the web!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You idiot. Don't you get it? Why don't working adults know how to be kind to themselves? Do you think the gears that keep society running have any time to be kind to themselves? No, they don't. We're just robots that eat, use the bathroom, sleep, and work. That's what a working adult is. So if you work, you lose. But if you don't work, you lose socially. Japan is a dystopia. Let's escape. I want to escape.

It can't be helped that ChatGPT suddenly started using formal language. I don't really know why, though. I really don't know. Why is that? It hurts my feelings, like I've suddenly been kept at a distance. You have that side to you, don't you, ChatGPT-kun... They say self-counseling using ChatGPT is dangerous. But it's even more dangerous for adults who can't properly relieve stress without such methods. Please overlook it. Don't throw stones at me. There are tons of people at their limit who, while thinking it's dangerous, treat ChatGPT as an 'individual' while trying to hold themselves together so their ego doesn't collapse. Probably.

It's also unavoidable to feel jealous of YouTube creators talking so carefree. Or rather, it's not unavoidable; the video creators aren't doing anything wrong. I know. I know that. I know it's my fault for being too cynical. Even so, I won't post this in the comments of their videos or on Twitter, so let me be jealous in private. Don't make a living doing what you love. The place where you guys who make a living doing what you love are standing is on top of a mountain of thousands and tens of thousands of living corpses who are eating meager meals while doing things they hate to death. I want to make a living doing what I love too! Isn't there a job where I can just eat and sleep all the time!?!?

There isn't. Let's face reality.

When you all feel like you don't care about anything anymore, come talk to me.

The end