[Discard Your Need for Approval] The Only Way to Break Free from the 'Crowd,' Taught by a Blogger Earning 1 Million Yen a Month

Hello, this is Fumisho.

Recently, I've become a little afraid to open social media. Glamorous trips abroad, dinners at high-end restaurants, daily lives surrounded by luxury brands. Compared to that, I...

"I want more 'likes'."
"I want people around me to think I'm amazing."

Don't you have nights where you feel like you're about to be crushed by that invisible pressure? Even I, while writing, sometimes find myself thinking only about 'how to get more engagement' or 'how to get more praise,' and I lose sight of what I really want to write.

It feels as if my MP (Mental Points) are being slowly drained by an invisible enemy called the evaluation of others.

At such times, I encountered the words of a certain author—extreme, yet strangely resonant.

"Most things don't matter at all. So, don't worry about them."

By reading this article, you will understand the true nature of the curse called 'need for approval' that binds you, and you will gain concrete ways of thinking to live your own life without being swayed by the evaluations of others.

You are worried about what others think and are starting to lose your sense of self. This is a life hack for you.

▷ The Proponent: Who is Mark Manson?

An American author, blogger, and entrepreneur. Born in Austin, Texas, he earned a bachelor's degree in international relations from Boston University. After graduating, he worked in the financial industry, but feeling doubtful about his life, he started a blog in 2007.

His blog flatly rejects the pleasant-sounding words found in traditional self-help books, such as 'positive thinking' or 'if you believe in your dreams, they will come true.'

"Life is full of crap. Don't run away from problems. Choose what you want to suffer for."

This extreme and realistic approach has gained explosive support, especially among the millennial generation.

At the root of his philosophy, one can see the influence of Stoicism and existentialism. He faces the unavoidable suffering and death of life, and based on that, continues to ask, 'What is truly valuable to me?'

Perhaps that stance is what resonates with so many readers. He is not just a controversy-seeking marketer, but could be called a modern thinker who sounds an alarm against the invisible pressure of 'forced positivity' imposed by modern society.

▷ The Art of Mastering 'Not Giving a F*ck'

▶ Are you choosing 'what to suffer for'?

Have you ever dreamed of a 'life without problems'? If you won the lottery, found a wonderful partner, or succeeded in your career... all your worries should disappear. However, Mark Manson shatters that illusion into pieces.

'Problems never go away. They are simply replaced by better problems.'

For example, the problem of 'suffering from a lack of money' changes into the healthier and more desirable problem of 'suffering from muscle soreness' by going to the gym.

The problem of 'being lonely without a lover' changes into the more exciting problem of 'how to make this relationship work' by gathering the courage to ask someone out on a date.

What we should seek is not a 'life without problems,' but a 'life filled with problems we are willing to tackle.' What kind of problems are you spending your time and energy on right now? Are those the problems you truly want to solve?

▶ Discard the 'things that don't matter' and get hurt by 'what is important'

What Manson calls 'Not Giving a F*ck' does not mean becoming lethargic or indifferent. It is quite the opposite.

'Having the courage to discard everything else as 'not mattering' for the sake of what is truly important.'

This is the core of his philosophy. Our mental energy and attention are finite. Getting angry because someone cut in line at the supermarket, being hurt by heartless comments on social media, and being swayed by the gossip of coworkers who don't matter... we shouldn't have the luxury to waste our MP on such things.

Being part of the 'average crowd' is actually very easy. You don't get hated by anyone, you don't make waves, and you express harmless opinions.

However, that won't resonate with anyone's heart. If you want to build truly valuable relationships and work, you need the resolve to disappoint someone somewhere.

Expressing your opinions and values might make some people dislike you. But at the same time, it holds the potential to be passionately supported by others.

▶ You are not 'special.' That is exactly why you can be free

'You are one of a kind.'
'You are special.'

We have been taught this since we were young. However, Manson points out that this 'sense of being special' is the very curse that makes us suffer.

This is because if you believe that you are "special," you will become unable to endure an ordinary daily life or a reality that does not go as planned. You will suffer from the gap between your excessive expectations and reality, wondering, "Why is this happening to me, when I am supposed to be special?"

However, the truth is this:

"Your problem is not a special problem unique to you. Hundreds of millions of others have worried and suffered over similar things."

When we accept this fact, we are finally freed from loneliness. Even if we fail, we think, "Well, everyone does that," and if things don't go well, we think, "That's just how life is," and we stop blaming ourselves excessively.

When people are freed from the pressure of having to be "special," they can finally accept themselves as they are and challenge themselves to do what they truly want to do.

▷ Summary

The philosophy of Mark Manson introduced here might seem harsh or cold at first glance. However, at its core, there is a sincere and gentle gaze that seeks to look reality in the eye and identify what is truly valuable to you.

"Do not seek a life without problems. Choose 'better problems' that you can pour your passion into."

"Do not care about everything. Have the courage to discard everything else for the sake of what is truly important."

"Discard the illusion that you are 'special.' When people accept their ordinariness, they can become truly free."

If you are exhausted by the evaluations and expectations of those around you, it is not because you are weak.

It is simply because you are taking the invisible curses that society imposes—"be positive," "be special"—too seriously.

While writing this article, I felt as if my heart were being carved out. It was because I was forced to look directly at my own ugly need for approval—the desire to be "more appreciated."

It doesn't matter if my writing is "irrelevant" to some. If there is even one person who thinks, "This article saved me," then I will write for that person. I feel like I have encountered a realization that leads to that kind of thinking.

What is it that is truly "worth caring about" to you?

And for that sake, what are the things you "should discard as irrelevant"?

Let's stop completing side quests for someone else in the quest that is our one-time life. Why don't you start your own story?

If you liked this, please hit the heart button and follow me. It gives me a huge boost of motivation!

Please let me know in the comments what you want to stop worrying about.

Look forward to my next article!