25. Words Received #5: The Reason I Keep Delivering

The Current Location of a Lost Soul

I am lost right now.
I have so many things I want to do, but they are all scattered.

It has only been two months since I made my resolution.
I know it is too early to expect results, but
I suppose this is just my nature.
Still, I feel a little down.

I've even started to feel lost about my Instagram posts,
and I've become unsure of
what kind of content I should be sharing.

To be honest—
I was trying a little too hard to stretch myself.



A Word That Reached Me

In the midst of all this, a message arrived.
—
I am always healed by your posts, Nun-san.
Because kindness shines through in every post,
I think you should just keep posting more and more.
I look forward to your future posts.
—
The moment I read it, I cried.

It felt like my feelings had been seen through,
and the words pierced straight through my heart.

And then I realized.

I have been healed by the words of my followers,
supported by them,
and it is through these interactions that I have been able to keep this account going.


The Price of Stretching Myself

Actually, I knew it all along.

I was stretching myself a bit,
making posts that were beyond my means.

Learning new words was a great study.
But perhaps empathy was left behind somewhere.

Perhaps it was just self-satisfaction.

Even though this is an account I have grown together with my followers,
I had forgotten the most important thing: "empathy."
Besides that—

even though I thanked people for their comments,
I hadn't properly conveyed my feelings
to everyone who watches.
What was missing.

This is already a three-page reflection paper.




It Is People Who Move the HeartA single piece of feedback can move the heart.

As I thought,

I live by being taught by "people."
There are things you can only realize through person-to-person interaction.





The Same Place as the Old MeCome to think of it—

I have struggled with the same thing in the past.
Back when I worked in music school administration.

One day, a transfer was decided from the school where I had worked for six years.
The next school was in a completely different district.

It was a large school in the city center with many instructors and students.
I have to learn quickly.

I have to do this properly.
The more I panicked, the more pathetic I felt for only being able to say hello.

On the night of my second day after the transfer, I told a friend,

"I can't do my job...

I might not make it here. I might be a failure."
The words that came back were—

"What are you saying after only two days?

Your strength is your communication skills."
I couldn't say anything...

From the next day on,
I just kept talking to the instructors as much as I could.

When they called me by my name
while discussing work, I was truly happy.

In the end, I was able to work at that school for six years too.
Even back then, I was saved by many people.



It's Not That I Haven't Grown

And yet, here I am, struggling with the same thing again.

"I haven't grown at all,"
I started to think, but—

It's not that I haven't changed;
it's just that the time has come to remember what is important.



The Future Me

Once again, being myself.

Just as I am.
Keeping the concept as it is,
but including some self-deprecating humor too.

I'm glad I took the long way around.
Because I realized something important.

I thought once again that I want to enjoy
posting as I go.

📝 I am waiting for your worries and feedback
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