I Farted at Work: That Moment Everyone Pretended Didn't Happen
The moment the sound came out,
I thought, 'Oh, it's over.'
It was a fart.
It was definitely a sound that came from my anus.
It was a quiet office.
A time when no one was speaking.
Only the sound of keyboards continued.
In the midst of that,
only the sound of my own body mingled in.
I knew it in an instant.
“Oh, this is one I can’t fake.”
My muscles were relaxed.
Completely.
My anus wasn’t closed.
The place I was supposed to be keeping shut
opened on its own.
I couldn’t stop it.
Or rather,
“it came out before I could stop it.”
It was only for a second, but
in that second,
I felt like everything had changed.
No one was looking.
No one said a word.
But,
the version of me who was “the person who just farted”
remained there.
I can't lift my head.
If I make eye contact with anyone right now,
I feel like it would confirm that they heard it.
So,
I put on a face like nothing happened.
I pretend that nothing occurred.
But it was impossible.
It keeps playing over and over in my head.
"Did you hear that?"
"Do you notice?"
"Are you just holding it in right now?"
And what's more,
that's not even the hardest part.
It might happen again.
A moment ago,
my anus opened on its own.
Which means,
it might open again.
That fear
lingers forever.
Even though I'm just sitting here,
I'm constantly tensing up.
My anus.
With a straight face,
I keep it clenched the whole time.
But,
I don't even know if that's the right thing to do.
I don't know how much I should be clenching.
If I let my guard down, it's over.
But,
it's impossible to stay on high alert forever.
I can't trust my own body.
If I were laughed at, I'd be finished.
If someone asked, "Did you hear that?"
that might have been the end of me.
But,
no one says a word.
So,
it never ends.
・The silence after the sound
・The time when no one addresses it
・The reason I couldn't stand up from my seat
・The "sensation in my anus" replayed over and over on the way home
I have written it all down exactly as it was.
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Chapter 1: The moment my eyelids dropped
Chapter 2: Returning consciousness and a lagging body
Chapter 3: The sound that tore through the air
Chapter 4: The feeling of someone looking up
Chapter 5: The time spent trying to pretend it didn't happen
Chapter 6: The moment the version of me in others' minds changes
Chapter 7: The kindness of no one mentioning it
Chapter 8: Losing faith in my own body
Chapter 9: Losing the timing to stand up
Final Chapter: The end of a day where nothing happened
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I farted.
While at work.
That is all there is to it.
But,
in that one moment,
I lost trust in my own body.
The anus opens on its own.
Sometimes you cannot stop it.
Only that fact remains.
No one says a word.
And so,
it never ends.
This is...
・The shame that no one could touch
・The memory that remains without being confirmed
・The feeling that your body is no longer your own
It is a record written exactly as it was.
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