The Discomfort with 'Spouses are Mirrors' | 'It takes a bit of courage, but what do you want to share?' Happy Writing Marathon #56

'Spouses are mirrors.'

Every time I see those words, I feel a little uneasy.
No, let me confess.
I get annoyed.

I understand what people mean.
Because in a marital relationship, there are times when you notice your own way of thinking or assumptions.
You might see yourself through your partner.
If you change, your partner will also...
I have experience with that, too.
So, yes, I get it.

But still, my mouth feels awkward saying it.

Whenever I see the words 'spouses are mirrors,' I can't help but want to say, 'Wait a minute!'
Because, honestly, there are some people you just can't change no matter how hard you try.

People who are too addicted to gambling,
people who are dependent on alcohol or shopping.
Even people who are violent.

I've never dated someone like that, but I do have experiences where I was quite hurt.

When I was in my 20s, I had a wallet thrown at me.
On my birthday.

I was shopping and couldn't quite make up my mind.
Even now I waver, but back then I was a super naive girl.
I was torn between his budget and what I wanted.

The result.

'I'm tired, just buy it yourself.'
Saying that, without even trying to hide his anger, he threw his wallet at me.

I cried.
I shouted for love in the middle of the city.

Looking back now, I think,
That guy was no good!
Goodbye to him!!
I can dismiss it like that now.

But back then, I couldn't think that way.

Even when treated like that,
'It's my fault, I'm just not good enough...' *sniffle*

I truly believed that.

In a sense, maybe that partner was a reflection of who I was back then.

***

While remembering such old stories, I suddenly realized my discomfort.

Am I even staring at a mirror all day long in the first place?

Perhaps I had been taking the word 'mirror' too literally.

When you say mirror, I think of something that reflects your image exactly as it is.
Maybe I was taking it in a 'copy robot' kind of way.

That's why, every time I was told,
'Spouses are mirrors,'
I would mentally retort,
'No, no, I don't spread bad moods around,'
'I do greet people properly.'
In the first place, when I look in a mirror, I'm not admiring myself.

Do I have bedhead?
Is there seaweed on my teeth?

Are my eyebrows weird?
My eyes feel gritty...
A gray hair here!!
I'm checking things like that.
If we are to compare spouses to mirrors, maybe that's all it really is.

In my interactions with my partner,

'Why am I so angry?'

or,

'Oh, maybe I'm holding back too much,'
or,
'I was actually sad, wasn't I.'
Checking my own state.
If that's how it's used, I think I can understand.
You don't stare at a mirror all day.

I'm not a narcissist.

I'm not that free, either.

Once I check, I wash my face, fix my hair, and go back to my life.
If, in my relationship with my partner, I realize,
'I was blaming myself like this,'

then I can just have an 'Aha!' moment and move on.

There's no need to force myself to stay there.
If I have bedhead, I fix it.
If there's seaweed on my teeth, I rinse my mouth.
I might still have my mouth twist into a frown for a second when I hear the words,
'Spouses are mirrors.'

But.
'A mirror is for checking. Let's look at my own feelings that reacted to my partner.'
I will chant that immediately.

Honestly, it's hard to reframe it every time.
But I'm clumsy, so it can't be helped.

Besides, the sight of me stopping every time and muttering to myself with a serious face is kind of funny, isn't it?
I don't know if spouses are mirrors or not.
But.

If it's as a tool for checking, I don't mind using it.

With that slightly condescending attitude, I will sincerely incorporate it.

I participated in the 'Happy Writing Marathon #56'.

This time, the topic was from one of the founders of the Happy Writing Marathon, Hiroomi Sueyoshi.

Actually, I am currently taking his course, 'Sueyoshi Juku'.
That makes me even happier♡

At first, I was honestly impressed, thinking,
'I see! Spouses are mirrors!!'
But after hearing it many times, I started thinking,

'Yeah, yeah, mirrors again.'
'...Shut up!'

I felt that way (laughs).
Honestly, it took some courage to start writing.

It was scary to voice my discomfort with a phrase that so many people accept as 'true.'
But,

it seems I didn't want to deny it.
I just wanted to translate it in my own way.

I don't think I would have written this if I hadn't had this opportunity.
Thank you for the wonderful topic😊