“The Kalavinka’s Child and the Traveler” (Part 4)

Yoshitsugu had been saved time and again by Oto, who could perceive the intentions of those she spoke with. Whether it was the schemes of a cunning merchant trying to cheat them on the market price of yaks, or the true nature of bandits posing as a pitiful, stranded caravan, none of it could have been uncovered without her help. That was precisely why Yoshitsugu never overlooked Oto's unnatural behavior.

The twin brother Dorje was searching for had likely already lost his life. Having encountered what appeared to be his remains, it was only right to convey the truth and guide him. Yet, Oto had tried to gloss over it and refuse. The reason must surely lie deep within the intentions Dorje kept hidden in his words—.

Because of the trust he held for his companion, Yoshitsugu confronted her directly about his doubts.

“...Tell me. What did you sense from Dorje?”

“Huh? What do you mean... it’s obvious, isn’t it? That ‘I’m going to kill that bastard’ kind of nasty feeling. It was similar to the feeling I get when stupid bandits come at us, so I was just a little surprised, that’s all.”

“Is that all?”

“...Yeah, that’s it.”

“Are you sure? Besides the murderous intent... or perhaps beyond it, you must have sensed something else.”

Oto remained silent under his further questioning, and Yoshitsugu stood his ground in silence as well. For a moment, stillness returned to the plateau as night fell. The sound of the crackling campfire only served to emphasize the tense atmosphere flowing between them.Still keeping her mouth shut, Yoshitsugu caught the eyes of Oto, who sat directly across from him. Her narrow eyes, usually resembling those of a Buddha or Bodhisattva statue, were wide open, and her gaze, reminiscent of the wrathful expression of a Wisdom King, emitted a sharp light.

“Oh, fine, I get it, I get it, so stop staring at me.”

Unable to bear it any longer, Oto finally gave in to the silent pressure. When she met his gaze again, Yoshitsugu’s expression had returned to its usual state. Even so, the small hands gripping her knees remained tense, still holding onto their strength.

“...Earlier, he said that catching his brother and killing him was his only reason for living, right? You’d think he’s just exaggerating about it being his ‘reason for living,’ right? But... that’s not it. Those were his true feelings. He surely believes with all his heart that his value lies only in that. And so, if he finds out his brother is already long dead... the things holding the current Dorje together—the anger, the resentment, the hatred, all the bad things piled up inside him—they’ll just disappear, won’t they? Usually, that would be a good thing, but... if that was everything to Dorje, I don’t think we should let it disappear. If we tell him the truth... what will happen to Dorje from now on?”

Oto’s voice, which should have been overflowing with confidence and vitality, had returned to that of the frail girl from when she was hiding on the Japanese envoy ship. A dark red, deeper than the flames, seeped from her lower lip, which she had bitten down on with her sharp canine teeth.
Even though Yoshitsugu possessed no special powers, he could easily perceive the anxiety Oto was revealing.

“...Thank you for telling me. I appreciate it.”
“So, are you satisfied now?”“Yes. I understand why you were reluctant to tell him and why you were anxious.”“Good, then let’s just leave it as if nothing happened—”“I’m sorry. Even so, the truth must be told.”

Yoshitsugu’s resolve was firm. Oto knew that once he made up his mind, he wouldn't listen to reason, but she had certainly held a glimmer of hope that he would yield if she revealed her inner thoughts. Oto let her thin shoulders drop powerlessly. The distant howling of wild dogs and the whispering of the wind through the grass at her feet were nothing more than noise to her now.

“In the first place, whether we tell him or not, if we continue heading north, he will arrive there on his own. Even I noticed it. Surely, Dorje will notice the small sword even from a distance and head toward the remains.”
“No, that might be true, but... are you saying it doesn’t matter what happens to Dorje? That’s cruel.”
“Cruel? Do you think it’s right to let him keep searching aimlessly for an enemy he can never meet again, wandering forever? Isn’t it more cruel to let him carry a grudge that can never be settled?”“...Even if you say that, having a way of life is better than nothing. It’s much better than having no purpose in life, becoming empty, and ending up ruined.”

Oto’s counterargument, as she continued to press him, lacked spirit. Oto understood in her head that Yoshitsugu’s claim was likely correct. Even so, she could not wipe away her concern for the fate of the unfortunate traveler they had met on their journey.
Seeing Oto’s dejected state, Yoshitsugu spoke with some hesitation.“...Even if one loses a purpose, it does not mean that the next purpose cannot be found.”

The gentle voice, uncharacteristic of the usually unsociable Yoshitsugu, stirred Oto’s heart and left her entranced. The great loss Yoshitsugu had experienced, and what lay beyond it. Emotions born from the fragments of various accumulated memories gathered and surged like waves behind her eyelids.
The multitude of emotions formed a large ship, swaying as if being tossed in a rough sea. Though it was cast in a black shadow, Oto was certain that it was a hull dyed in a dazzling vermilion. She could never forget the appearance of the Japanese envoy ship where she had met Yoshitsugu.
Before long, the ship’s shadow changed its form, taking on the outlines of two girls of the same stature. One carried bird-like wings on her back, and the other was wrapped in grand attire. The winged girl was Oto herself, so then who was the other—.
Otokon.Oto almost called out the name of the beloved daughter Yoshitsugu had lost.“...What’s wrong?”“It’s nothing.”The slip of the tongue she had almost made, and the evasive words Oto used to try and gloss over the memory of having glimpsed Yoshitsugu’s heart, were spiteful words that went against her true feelings.“...Look, in the end, you don’t know our Tibetan language, and your words won’t reach Dorje. No matter what you wanted to tell him, whether to speak it or not is entirely up to me. You understand that, right?”“...Yes. If that is the choice you feel is best, I will say no more.”“...Then, I’ll do as I please. If you complain about it later, I’ll scratch that face of yours.”Oto turned her face away sharply. Like a sand mandala traced and destroyed by fingertips, the shadows of the two people burned into the back of her eyelids had crumbled away.Silence enveloped the plateau for the umpteenth time. This time, it was Yoshitsugu who broke the silence.“You should sleep inside the tent, too. You must be tired of talking, so get some rest.”“I’m fine for now. I’ll keep watch over the fire, so you should be the one to sleep first.”“No, thank you. ...I’m wide awake and can’t help it.”“What is it, don’t copy me.”

The two looked up at the night sky simultaneously and lay down as if surrendering themselves to the earth.
Yoshitsugu’s eyes were fixed on the moon. In the darkness that stretched out endlessly like the vast ocean, the moon, drawing a soft arc, shone brighter than anything else.
Crossing the seas, traversing mountains and rivers, treading across deserts, the scenery before his eyes kept changing. In every one of those lands, the moon was above Yoshitsugu’s head. Mount Atago and the five-story pagoda of To-ji, which he had seen every day in the capital of Kyoto, had long since passed into the distance, and the familiar scenery no longer existed in shadow or form. Only the moon, floating in the heavens as if stuck there, was the anchor for Yoshitsugu’s heart, allowing him to recognize that he was walking in a world connected to his homeland.
Yoshitsugu thought of Dorje, who was gazing at the moon. Every time he looked at the moon, the days Dorje spent in his homeland of Lhasa would surely return to his mind, and he would be struck by nostalgia. Before long, he would be tormented by the evil intentions he harbored, and his mind and body would be slowly eroded by that curse. The enemy he was meant to strike was no longer there. If he were told that truth, the curse should be broken. But, as Oto pointed out, the thin thread holding the current Dorje together would likely snap. Besides, he could not convey his intentions on his own. He would inevitably end up placing a heavy burden on Oto, who could communicate through language—.

...Damn it.

Yoshitsugu looked away from the dazzling moon and muttered to himself in self-reproach.
Beside him, Oto was gazing at the countless stars shining in the heavens. Each tiny speck, so small that one had to squint to make out its outline, glittered like sand bathed in the light of a scorching sun. To Oto, this was a perfectly ordinary sight, no different from the night sky she had watched for hundreds of days.
On nights when she could not sleep, no matter how hard she tried, Oto would slip out of the tent to count the stars. She had never managed to count past fifty or sixty. She would always get bored halfway through and fall asleep, only to wake up and find herself greeting a new morning inside the tent.
Oto thought of Dorje, who counted stars. For the few days since leaving Lhasa, Dorje, who traveled without even a tent, must have spent his time watching the stars whenever he could not suppress the turmoil in his heart. And he would continue to live on, staring emptily at the stars. Without even knowing that he had lost not only the father he adored but also the brother he hated as his nemesis. If he learned that he had lost his purpose of revenge, his journey might come to an end. If so, it must not end. No matter how tainted it might be, or how far it strayed from the path of humanity, she could not take away his reason for living. But, what if... what if he could find a new reason to live, just like the big guy in front of her—.

...I wonder if I can believe it.

Oto stopped counting the stars and spoke to the moon. The moon, reflected in her round eyes, cast a gentle light as if to embrace everything.

◇

Countless black shadows hung in the eastern sky, dyed in the colors of the morning glow. It was a flock of wild vultures flying off in search of prey.
The three travelers, now awake, finished a light meal of tsampa and began preparing for their journey. The two heading south toward Lhasa packed up their tent and tied it to the back of a yak along with their other belongings. Once Dorje had finished tying his few possessions to his horse's back, he bowed his head once more.

Thank you so much for everything. I will continue heading north, the way he went... I have to hurry, even a little, to make up for lost time.
I see. Well... anyway, take care of yourself. You just collapsed, so don't push yourself too hard.
Yes. Please take care, Oto-san, Yoshitsugu-san.

Even though the words exchanged were in an unfamiliar foreign language, Yoshitsugu understood that they were exchanging farewells, not talking about the aforementioned corpse.

...I pray for your well-being.

With these parting words, Yoshitsugu patted Dorje on the shoulder. The body, which looked slender at first glance, had a solid thickness to it. It was the body of a craftsman who had swung a hammer every day. Yoshitsugu thought of the lost future, wondering if he could have remained a good metalworker had he not lost the father he studied under.
With a sense of regret at parting, Dorje bowed to Yoshitsugu once more. And just as he was about to mount his horse.

Wait!

Oto's shout shook the air. While Dorje looked stunned, Yoshitsugu's face grew even more tense than usual. Yoshitsugu immediately dropped to one knee and whispered to Oto.

I should be the one to say it. You just need to act as an intermediary.
It's fine. Let me do it.
I was the one who willingly got involved with the corpse. If I am to be hated for burying the enemy, I will bear all the responsibility.
Idiot, that can wait.

Dragging a cloak that was far too large for her frame, Oto walked up to Dorje, who had dismounted. The claws hidden by the cloak gouged the soil of the grassland. Her steps were powerful, without a hint of hesitation.

Hey, about what we talked about yesterday...
No, please forget about that conversation. I am truly sorry for saying things that would force you two, who have nothing to do with this, into it—
Listen, you don't have to continue this journey anymore.

The outpouring of pent-up emotion cut off Dorje's words.

There's no point in looking for your brother. You don't have to think about cutting off his head or anything dangerous like that anymore. Because—