Kirei Kirei

Full of pain and glitches, there are times when I just don't want to do anything. I suppose that's to be expected, isn't it?
Even just a few days ago, I couldn't smile. Darkness had swallowed my heart.
That's why I was rescheduling everything left and right to avoid contact with people as much as possible, but...

There are times when you just have to do it, no matter what.

I muster up my courage, tell myself it's okay, it's okay, take my emergency medication (for my mental health), put on a full face of makeup, and head out.
That's the only way, you know.
But in reality, I'd rather just be lying down.

Also, one of my weaknesses is that I have a mental breakdown when my brain perceives unpleasant information.
For example, sweat. This includes hot flashes from menopause.
(For me, sweat is the enemy. It's tough for people with autoimmune diseases.)
Sometimes, the unpleasant sensation of sweat reaches my brain, and I become unable to do anything.

But today, I found a very simple solution.
Even though I'm someone who immediately relies on chemicals, this is a very primitive solution.

Take a shower and get clean.

Just that.
It really is just that.
I hadn't realized that something so simple could shift my mood this much. I'm genuinely surprised. This is a real eye-opener.

I wasn't taught in school that getting clean could calm my mind this much, or even lift my spirits. (What am I saying?)
Can my mind really be this peaceful just by not having sweat on me?
I didn't know.

So, whenever I feel miserable because of sweat, I'm going to proactively take a shower or do whatever it takes to stay clean.
...You're thinking, 'What kind of stupid thing is this person saying?', aren't you?

I am stupid, you know. Hahaha.

I've lived my life without realizing even this.
Since I feel an abnormal amount of discomfort when I get dirty, I think I've found a good method.
I have what you might call obsessive tendencies. Like, once I start cleaning, I can't stop, or I can't rest unless everything is clean.
It's probably at a pathological level by now.
If it starts to interfere with my daily life, I'll go see my doctor, of course.

For now, I've found the energy to prepare a meal.
Let's make something delicious.
Let's make a meal that will make my family feel relieved when they come home.

The end.