The scope of creation is vast.

Four years have passed since I became a company employee.

Ever since then, I had been left with a feeling of having "given up," "stepped down," or "quit," but I feel like things have been changing little by little recently, so I am looking back and writing about it.

The realm of what sells, the realm of expression, and talent.

I wanted to be a voice actor or narrator. I wanted to be someone who expresses things through their voice. That’s what I thought, and I worked hard at it a few years ago. There are an unbelievable number of people aiming for voice-based performance jobs, and there are incredibly few seats available. I didn't make it.

The acting profession, including voice acting and narration, is a job based on the premise of being unemployed every time a project ends. Only a handful of people manage to connect to the next job or survive. Moreover, the consumption speed of all kinds of content is accelerating, so one must constantly adapt. It is a truly harsh world.

Betting your life on it. Doing it with all your heart and soul. Dedicating your entire life to expression. I struggled and struggled and worked hard (I think), but looking back now, I was completely failing. Why was I failing? Because I had no talent, yet I was only fighting in a way that requires talent to sell. And I didn't even have the leeway to realize that.

Yes, as long as entertainment is consumed as content, there is a realm of what sells. And that does not necessarily coincide with the realm one wants to express.
After all, there are people with overwhelming talent in every world, and when talent itself has value, those two things are equal. What that person expresses sells. Regardless of the realm of what sells or the realm of expression, they transcend it.
But in most cases, they are separate, or even if they coincide, it is only partially. Thinking about it, many of the seniors I respected and the people I thought were amazing had a high sensitivity to that and understood themselves well.
They can play the roles that are in demand and that sell. They don't mind the hard work required when challenging themselves in the realm they want to express. Among their skills, where do they lean toward stability? How much? That kind of good sense of balance and the ability to compartmentalize their creativity is what makes people last.

To repeat, I had no talent, yet I was only fighting in a way that requires talent to sell. I only knew how to work hard. So, it was natural that I didn't sell. If you don't sell, you have no money, you lose your composure, and you get even more desperate and work harder. A negative spiral.

I feel sorry for the great senior who said to me, "I remember your name. Let's meet on set next time," and I still think about it sometimes. (Though it’s probably a one-way street...) But while still in a dead end, at the timing when my child was born and my life stage changed, I stopped the challenge.

The act of writing.

I started writing on note after I became a company employee. I chose stability and joined a company that was an extension of what I could do. I took maternity leave, and since only my thumbs were free between putting my child to sleep, I started writing, and somehow I have been writing for four years.

The act of writing is slow. You face yourself and turn your thoughts into text. Aside from writing for work, basically, you don't have to finish writing immediately.
Voice acting and narration usually require immediate responses, and acting requires creating emotions on the spot. You have to answer what is required immediately with a certain level of quality. Unless it's a stage play or something similar, I don't think you spend a long time with the same role. You create a person's life with immediate response.
But with "writing," you can go at your own speed. It’s a relief that it’s okay to do it after you’ve caught up.

For example, even if it’s words you couldn't say at the time, or emotions you didn't understand then, you can ruminate on them later, repeat them, and choose the timing to put them into text. If it's creation, you can express things like "this is what I wanted to convey" or "this is what I was thinking at that time." You can take as much time as you like.

I write because I have caught up. Perhaps this speed was comfortable and suited me.

I have been writing like that for a few years, and thanks to that, many people have read my work. I think more people know my writing than my voice work.

But if I were someone struggling to make "writing" my job, I’m sure I would have lost my composure just the same, and this work probably wouldn't have been born either.

I could write because I write as a company employee.
This is surely the part of my creativity that stability allowed to emerge.

Betting your life on it. Doing it with all your heart and soul. Dedicating your entire life to expression. I think there are expressions you can't reach unless you do that.
But, expression created while ensuring stability is also creation. Both are precious. Somehow, I had a feeling that spending everything on creation was more noble, and I myself thought so until a few years ago. But that was wrong. The "realm of what sells" for living and the "realm of expression" for creation can be separate, and you can create without betting everything on it.

Since I started thinking that way, when I look around, the scenery looks different. Creativity is everywhere.
For example, there are people who are incredibly good at articulation and intonation even if they aren't voice actors or narrators, and there are places within a company organization where you can fully utilize those skills. Ways of doing things, ways of conveying, ideas. There are various kinds of creation within a company. It was like the saying, "If you walk, you'll bump into something."
Yes, I remember a reaction comedian on TV saying, "It's not that the general public doesn't understand, but that it doesn't reach the people watching TV." By defining a specific circle and trying to keep the inside of that circle special, you suddenly become unable to communicate. I liked the stance he put into that single phrase. There is no such thing as "people who express" versus "the general public" or "the rest of the crowd."

Passion is a resource. Everyone has their own limit. Whether you are someone who creates while working a full-time job five days a week, or someone who is pioneering the front lines of expression, in any form, everyone who continues to challenge themselves is amazing. Creation is precious, there are various expressions, and continuing to hold onto that heat and saying "even so," even if the quantity or quality changes, is, after all, a strength.

The scope of creation is vast.

When I was acting, I loved the phrase my director used to say: "The scope of acting is vast." Even if you stop acting, there are infinite ways to stay involved in any form.
At the time, it sounded like a kind sentiment—the idea that "it's okay to keep doing it even after you've quit"—and I just thought it meant the field was open to everyone.

That's probably correct, but now it feels like it has a slightly different meaning.

Perhaps once someone has expressed themselves, aimed for something, or created something, they can't stop, even if the volume, method, or quality changes. That's why they seek a place where they can continue in any form. Maybe that's why those words came out—because the director understood that.

Perhaps this spring, as people start new lives, there are some who are facing the season thinking they have "quit" or given up on something, just like I did.

But, what if you just can't stop creating?
Once your life settles down and you have some breathing room, even a little bit is fine. Continuing is an amazing thing. And who knows, maybe stability will lead to new forms of expression.
You don't have to push yourself, but you don't have to force yourself to stop, either. There is always the option to "write." You can be a company employee and a creator. Let's do it. Write for yourself, not for anyone else, and just do it. That's perfectly fine.

Holding onto those kind, yet slightly frightening words, I will surely keep writing from tomorrow on. I will keep writing. So.

The scope of creation is vast.