The Theater of No Tardiness

The reason for being late is usually oversleeping.
But with the right phrasing, oversleeping can become poetry.

I am collecting excuses for being late.

Not for my own use.
Simply because they are interesting.
And perhaps, just maybe, they might save someone.

“I am currently in the process of approaching with great care.”
“I’ve already arrived, but I’m currently heightening my presence.”
“I’m going to be late because I want to watch the rainbow until it fades.”
“I mistook myself for a rose and was busy blooming.”
“Time has left me behind.”
“Narratively speaking, it does not seem to be the right time for my entrance yet.”
“I got into an argument with my local train station, which has developed a personality, and it won’t let me through the gate.”
“Elderly woman fell, rescue, molester escaped, captured, sorry for being late.”
“The moment I poured hot water into my instant noodles, I lost all my memories. Who are you?”
“I am physically late, but mentally, I have already arrived. I’ve even secured your seat at the cafe. Seriously, where are you now?”
“Why don’t we try doubting the very concept of the meeting time for once?”

If they won’t laugh and forgive you, it’s not a bad idea to try doubting the concept of meeting times together.
Once the other person falls into a state of confusion, wondering what on earth being late even means, gently put your arm around their shoulder.

I think of being late not as a failure,
but as a bit of dramatic staging.

If there were a businessman on the train with his fly wide open, what would you do?

Shouldn’t you tell him?
As a member of society.
As a member of the zipper community.

But I dislike that moment after you tell them.

“Oh, thank you...”

In that instant,
I become a “righteous person.”
I hate that; I don’t want to be one.

Righteousness has a bit of height to it.
It feels like you’ve grown about two centimeters taller.
The person themselves doesn’t notice, but they have definitely grown.

After much thought, I reached the conclusion that I should open my own fly before telling them.

“Your fly is open.”
(But don’t worry... mine is open too.)

We just become two people with a bit of ventilation.

In some countries, if the meeting time is “8 o’clock,”
they start taking a shower at 8 o’clock.

In Japan, meeting at 8 o’clock means meeting at 7:55.
The legendary, super-popular variety show “It’s 8 o’clock! Everyone Gather” (broadcast live from 8 PM) reportedly had the members arriving at the venue in the early afternoon for rehearsals. In other words, everyone had already gathered long ago.

Japanese people don’t just keep time,
they get ahead of it.
Time is being outpaced by the Japanese.

In just five minutes, a person can stand on the “righteous side” just a little bit.
At the meeting spot stands someone who is a little taller than when they left home—about two centimeters.
They are breathing the air from just a little bit higher up.

Righteousness has a slight step up.
It’s not enough to make you trip, but it definitely changes the soles of your shoes.

I find that unsettling.

So, I crouch down on my own.
Sometimes, I match the height of the other person’s zipper.

If someone is late to meet me,
I lie and say,
“Actually, I’m late too.”
“It’s okay, I just got here myself.”

Or,

“Thanks to you, I can practice my human teleportation magic. I’ve finally managed to teleport just my upper body. If you arrived now, I’d have to greet you with only my lower half, so please, take your time.”

I don’t blame them.
Because the relationship between the person who made someone wait and the person who was made to wait is exhausting.

The person who kept the time,
for some reason, becomes a little taller.

That is why I,
crouch down to the same height as the other person.

Physically, I may be late.

Mentally,
I have usually arrived ahead of time.

Anger can afford to arrive a little late.