I Stopped Trying to Be a 'Proper Mother'

"I have to be a proper mother."
Throughout my time raising children, I was always bound by these words.

But once I started letting go of "proper" little by little, life became much easier for both me and my children.

Today, I'd like to talk about that.

■ I tried hard to make mom friends because I wanted to be seen as a "good mother"

When my daughters were in nursery school, I was desperate to make mom friends.
I'm shy by nature, and I was busy with work and home life.
Even so, I felt anxious whenever I saw groups of moms who were close enough to spend their holidays together with their families.

"If I don't try hard too, my child will be left out..."

Thinking back, it was completely in my head (laughs).
Trying to force friendships just doesn't last, does it?
But once I relaxed, I naturally made a few mom friends who reached out to me, and I still interact with them occasionally.
Even without trying so hard, the connections that were meant to be remained.

■ The story of how I interfered too much with piano

This was the biggest lesson I learned in my parenting journey.
Actually, my mother was a piano teacher.
I personally hated learning from my mother (parents don't hold back when they scold you, and you end up hating it right away—haha), so I didn't take piano lessons.
But when I was in junior high, I admired a friend who played, so I studied under a different teacher for a little under five years.
I started late and didn't improve that much, but being able to play the songs I liked was truly fun.

That's why when my eldest daughter said she wanted to learn piano, I was genuinely happy.
At the time, we lived in a cramped 1LDK apartment for a family of four.
Even so, I replaced our large TV with a smaller one to make room for an electronic piano.
Knowing that "daily practice is the most important thing," I made sure she practiced.
At first, things went smoothly.
She clearly improved faster than the other kids and even started entering competitions.
But at some point, piano became an "obligation" for my daughter.
Her fingers moved accurately, but she could no longer play with emotion.
Her teacher at the time told me, "I'm at my wit's end."

■ Once I stopped "interfering," my daughter changed

So, I took the plunge and switched to a different school.
The new teacher praised my daughter's playing.
They overlooked the mechanical parts and helped her grow where she was good.
And I also,stopped interfering with her practice.

Around that same time, my daughter was chosen as the accompanist for her school choir.
She practiced with all her might, and being praised by her music teacher gave her a huge boost in confidence.
From there, my daughter gradually began to enjoy the piano again.
Even now, she continues to play happily.
My daughter grew much more when I let go than when I was putting pressure on her to "do it properly."

■ I've also let go of my obsession with homemade meals and bento boxes

By the way, I've completely let go of my obsession with homemade meals and bento boxes (laughs).
I ask my eldest daughter to make the bento boxes as a "part-time job," and store-bought side dishes are fine for dinner.
(Oh, I do try to cook when I feel like it—haha.)
Even so, my family is growing up just fine and healthy.

■ A "cheerful mother" rather than a "proper mother"

Having raised children, I truly think this.
There was no need to be a perfect mother.
Children grow up even without mom friends.
Children grow better when parents don't interfere too much.
Families are happy even without elaborate meals.

What's important is not being "proper," butthat the mother is smiling.
Once I stopped trying to be a "proper mother," both I and my daughters became much freer.

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