To my past self... with gratitude
To my past self,
Thank you for the letter.
I had absolutely no memory of writing a letter back then, so I was honestly surprised when I found it in my mailbox.
You probably asked because you didn't know what to write at first, but it's okay. I am doing great.
I've tried writing, I've created spaces to share my voice... I'm doing so many things that my past self couldn't have imagined.
Above all, I am able to say that I love what I love.
I've even gotten into fandom culture, and now I'm even out there spreading the word. So, it's okay.
Believe in who you are now. You don't have to rush forward; just keep taking it one step at a time.
Because you made those decisions back then, I am who I am today.
So, thank you.
From my current self,
--
It caught my eye, so I read the letter my past self had written to my future self.
Honestly, I don't have many memories of that time.
The further I read, the more the words touched my heart. I was surprised by my own choice of words back then.
I wasn't even an adult yet.
I must have struggled with myself so much...
There were many questions and descriptions of my situation at the time that made that clear.
There is no such thing as a correct answer in life... I've been thinking that lately.
But
for me, not even an adult at the time,
"So I don't fail in the future"
I think this phrase occupied most of my heart.
That's probably because
we weren't taught a class on the future in school.
Now,
I might even push back and ask, "What is the standard for failure?"
"Being young" has a strength that makes it feel like you can do anything,
but looking back at my life history, I feel like I also had a fragility, having so few ways to deal with life.
So maybe it means I should try many different things and find my own way to deal with life... is what I've been thinking.
In a few years, or maybe a few decades,
what will I think when I see this note again?
Perhaps I might not even see it, having forgotten that I wrote it.
To my future self,
Are you doing well now?
🐺