I thought writing wouldn't leave anything behind | What I, a person in my 50s who has written 2,000 articles, have arrived at

To the me from back when I felt like writing wouldn't leave anything behind

Come to think of it, I spent a lot of time alone since I was young.

So, naturally, the time I spent reading books and manga
increased.

When I was in elementary and junior high school,
I was obsessed with Cobalt Bunko.
I remember almost all my pocket money disappeared into that.

Once I finished reading a book,
I couldn't suppress my desire,
and I would sometimes run back to the bookstore on the same day.

In high school, I got just as hooked on manga.
I would pass around 'Glass Mask',
and I even read 20 volumes all at once over a weekend.

Every time, I would think.

But I couldn't stop.

While I was reading,
I could enter the story.
I didn't have to be my real self.
I could become someone else.

Like taking a trip,
the loneliness
and the sense of helplessness
could be forgotten for a while.

It's bad for my eyes.
I didn't think it would be useful for my future.
I couldn't focus on my studies either.
Even so, I couldn't stop.

———

Time passed, from the Showa era to the Reiwa era.
I wonder if it's been about 40 years now.

I graduated from junior college and got a job as a regular office worker.
Unlike now, it was an era where becoming a full-time employee was the standard path.

The option of 'making writing my job' didn't even cross my mind.

And so, in my late 30s, I was finally able to
make 'writing' my job.

I monetized my blog,
and became able to earn as stably as a full-time employee.

At that moment, I was finally able to think,

“Ah, those days of reading that I thought were a waste, they weren't a waste after all.”

The answer I couldn't find even after writing 2,000 articles

About 10 years as a full-time blogger.

While keeping an eye on the search engine's mood, I wrote over 2,000 articles.
I wrote over 2,000 articles.

I kept writing things that were "useful" to users, over and over again.

Unlike the days of reading when I used to blame myself for being "useless,"
this "writing" actually generated money,
and supported the lives of me and my children.

That is a fact.

But...

Following search keywords,
I wrote sentences that solved readers' problems.

Before I knew it,
I was only writing "correct answers."

Even after writing 2,000 articles,
they weren't articles for me.

Finally, my "second self" begins

Now, I am writing a "diary" on note.

Sentences that might not be useful to anyone.
I don't worry about searches.
I don't think about sales.

I am just,
slowly putting into words the feelings I had when I read Cobalt Bunko and "someday, me too" drifted away.

The disorganized feelings I scribbled on the edge of a notebook
on a night alone.

The lonely time I thought was a waste and tried to discard.

All of that,
is now the "body temperature" of my writing.

And I realized.

That time,
had been piling up properly.

Inside me.

And now, it has turned into an
asset for connecting with someone's heart.

40 years of taking the long way around, and finally, I can say that to myself.

———

To the me from back when I felt like writing wouldn't leave anything behind.

I have finally started writing sentences that are
not about being 'useful' but about 'being me'.

If you, too, are carrying
a similar sense of emptiness somewhere.

Why don't you try writing the rest
with me on note?

Then, something might just 'move' for you.

▼ Click here for my self-introduction to see my real-time updates.
Come visit me💕

Utsuki Yuki.