The 'Tuition' I Paid at 18, Earning 150,000 Yen, to Learn to Trust People

A New Member of Society

I became a working adult when I was 18.

My job was as a construction site supervisor.
The sound of the word 'supervisor' sounded cool, and
the buildings I helped build would be on the map.
That's why I chose that job.

A profession I could be proud of.
At least, that's what I thought back then.

The Gap with Reality

The reality was quite different from what I had imagined.

I couldn't stay in my hometown.
Working at distant sites outside the prefecture was the norm.
With bosses much older than me and older craftsmen,
there was no one to complain to,
no one to confide my anxieties in,
nowhere at all.

The construction industry over 15 years ago was
a male-dominated society, and a very harsh one at that.
It's a world that is unimaginable today.

Getting hit with a hammer through my helmet.
Being yelled at by craftsmen almost every day.

Even so, I was prepared to some extent.
Because I chose the construction industry in that era.

But
the truly scary part started from there.

Breaking Down

When a person is scolded continuously, something strange happens.

Getting scolded. Getting scolded again.
Getting scolded yet again.
When that is repeated every day,
before you know it, you start believing that everything is your fault.

For my 18-year-old self, who had been a high school student just a little while ago,
'I have no ability'
'It's my fault'
that mindset quietly seeped in.

I understand now
that that's just how humans are.
But I didn't understand it back then.

The Arrival of a Savior

At such a time,
there are rare craftsmen who reach out to you.

Let's call him Craftsman Y.

A savior who appeared in the midst of despair.
He took me fishing on my days off,
and took me out for yakiniku after work.
We became close enough to
honestly talk about my frustrations with work.

Thanks to Craftsman Y,
my mental state gradually stabilized.
I started to feel more motivated at work.

That was when something happened.

The night the call came

I got a call from a craftsman named Y.

"I need you to lend me 100,000 yen. I need it for my daughter."

At first, I refused.
100,000 yen is too much for an 18-year-old rookie.
My take-home pay back then was only about 150,000 yen.

The next day, there was another call.
This time it was from craftsman Y's younger brother.
The brother worked at the same company and
we were on somewhat friendly terms.

"Y is in financial trouble. Even 70,000 would be fine, please, right away."

The word "right away"
robbed me of the time to think.
Looking back now,
I suppose that was part of the tactic.
I thought, "If it's 70,000..." and
told him I'd have it ready
and to come pick it up at the site tomorrow.

The reason I couldn't consult anyone

In truth, I should have consulted my boss.

But my boss at the time was what you'd call a power harasser today.
It was perfectly normal back then, but
for an 18-year-old me, he wasn't someone I could talk to.

In the end, I handed over the 70,000 yen without telling anyone.

That was when it started.

Every time I saw him, I asked him to pay me back.
Each time, he'd say, "I don't have it now, so next month."

I had already guessed it.
That it would never come back.

I wanted to talk to my boss, but
I was too scared to do it.
Ultimately, I gave up on the money.

And then, I started to convince myself of this:

"It's my own fault for being deceived."

Bad adults target people who are vulnerable

In my case, it was days of being scolded, yelled at, and screamed at.

I had no one to consult.
As time went on,
it was slowly taking a toll on my mind.

If it were just one bad adult, I could still say no.
But they have bad associates around them, too.
When multiple people from a group whisper to you,
you start to think, 'Am I the one who is wrong?'
It becomes easy to fall into that mindset.

Jealousy, bitterness, dissatisfaction.
They skillfully use those vulnerable spots
to get close to you.

'Come over here and things will get easier. You'll make friends, too.'

That's the kind of whispering they do.

People who are easy targets are like this

People who have no one to consult with.
People who are acting alone.

People whose mental state is fragile.
People who are fed up with their current situation.
People in those states
are especially easy to target.

A common trait among Japanese people is
a strong assumption that 'because this is such a large group, it must be safe and secure.'

The size of a group has nothing to do with its reliability.
But when your mental state is weak,
you want to cling to that.
I think that is only natural.

That is exactly why it is so scary.

To you, the reader

To new members of society.
And to those who feel that this story applies to them right now.

You shouldn't trust people too much.
But you absolutely need people you can trust.

What is important is whether you can judge things calmly for yourself.
And whether you are currently
in a state where you can make that judgment.

When your mental state is weak,
you may not be able to make sound judgments.
That is not a weakness,
it is just how humans are wired.

Bad adults will cozy up to that.
So if you feel even a little bit suspicious,
if you feel even a little bit scared,

I want you to stop, absolutely.

Because once you step inside,
you might not be able to come back.

Words I want to share

It could be family.
It could be a friend.
If you have neither, a consultation center is fine too.

I want you to consult with a place you can trust,
no matter where it is.

As long as you don't head in the wrong direction, that is the right answer.
If you don't know, it's okay to stop.

I am leaving behind here the words
I wanted to say to my younger self back then.

Now I can think it.
"Thank you for teaching me something important about life for 70,000 yen."