Air Practice

I begged my teacher
to let me be a little selfish

I am usually with Mutchan
but this time I am practicing with other members of the group

I was allowed to join Tatsu-sensei, Mina-sensei,
senior students with twenty years of experience, and Nami-sensei's younger students

First, I received thick tea as a guest
Even though this should be my first time properly watching the thick tea preparation from scratch in practice

It is true that I was a guest last year, but the memory has flown away

Oh, I see... last year I sat next to my teacher and was taught how to be a guest step by step

My teacher will eventually tell me that back then I was a baby who didn't know left from right

It seems I have grown a little bit now, perhaps to the level of a kindergartner

Around this time last year, I should have practiced being a guest to participate in an outside tea ceremony for the first time

Just being there
It is similar this time too

I enter alone among the senior students preparing thick tea under Tatsu-sensei's guidance and the senior student acting as the main guest

I still haven't learned anything
I only know a little
I just watch in silence

"Forgetting means you once learned it, Kana-chan, but you haven't learned it yet... so that's different,"
my teacher tells me as always

I am hasty and try to do things one after another immediately

I cannot place the utensils down after sitting properly
I can clearly see my own lazy and slothful self

My handling of the matcha bowl is also sloppy

The way I fold the fukusa is also perfunctory

I have them give me a thorough air practice all by myself

Mutchan used to study tea, so her body remembers it
I don't know left from right
I am a newcomer who just started

After all, this gap is significant

Since Mutchan is not here today,
a veteran senior student will accompany me for air practice.

My teacher secretly told me after practice that as you move forward, the challenges grow larger, and there are times when you might leave your heart behind.

That is still far ahead for me.
Twenty years?
Will I even be alive by then?

With a good sense of rhythm,
my teacher, who stands firm, devises creative ways to conduct our lessons.

I follow along like a child.

Still,
still just a secret weapon monkey.

I am being trained by my teacher.
When I said that out loud,
Tatsu-sensei gently told me, "You should say 'I am being guided by them'."

"You're hunching your back."
"Don't raise your shoulders."
"Don't make such a difficult face."

I have a mountain of things to work on.

Instead of looking that far ahead,
I look just a little bit ahead.

Even now, my teacher sometimes says to me,
"(Because you were so clumsy,) I thought you would quit."

I never once thought that myself.
I just desperately clung on.
I don't particularly think about becoming a master,
but somewhere deep down, I wanted my mother to praise me.

The image of my mother doing things one by one with care comes to mind.

I feel like I can understand a little now that that demeanor was thanks to her learning tea ceremony.

Without quitting,
like a tortoise,
I will see another year through.

Is this also a path guided by God?

I am grateful that I was entrusted to this teacher.

I do not use water.

I practice with air practice, which is not easily mastered.