Leaving behind February's luck to the wind, the breath of March makes me sprout anew【Shirokuma Literature Club】【In March】

February's Misfortune

In late February, I collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital by ambulance.
The next day, I underwent emergency surgery and was hospitalized for several days.

The cause was the rupture of a lesion from a pre-existing condition.
The risk of rupture was supposed to be as low as 3.4%.

I was taken to the operating room without understanding why,
and when I came to, I was in a hospital bed.

The hardest four days of my life

The hardest part of hospital life was
not being able to carry on with daily life.

It was painful just lying there.
Sharp pain shot through me if I tried to sit up.
It took courage just to stand.

I couldn't even walk properly.
When I took a step while clinging to the IV pole,
the sharp pain returned.

I had no appetite and wasn't hungry, but
I had to eat.

The hospital told me to eat well and walk often to recover.
Do they expect me to do that in this body?

Anger stemming from the frustration of not being able to move as I wanted.
Anxiety about the uncertain future.
The persistent pain and suffering.
When I felt like giving up at the torture of another meal being brought to me,

I thought of my grandfather.

My Grandfather

My grandfather had lost one lung to illness.
Because of that, even a common cold could easily become serious,
and he was frequently hospitalized and faced life-threatening situations.
However, for some reason, he always came home from the hospital as if nothing had happened.

He even caught that pandemic and was hospitalized.
Just when all our relatives had prepared for the worst, he was discharged.
The man himself, acting as if nothing had happened,
reportedly said it was more comfortable than home because he could sleep better.
All our relatives were stunned.

That grandfather passed away three years ago.
His final days were in the hospital.
He said every day that he would definitely go home.

Among his belongings,
I inherited a notebook he had made himself.
It recorded his meals and bowel movements during his hospitalization day by day,
and it was filled out right up until the day before he died.
He had even created entry fields for dates after he had passed away.

From that notebook,
I felt no sense that he intended to die.
Even in the midst of an uncertain hospital life,
my grandfather was trying to live forward,
aiming to carry on with his "daily life."

In the name of Grandpa

When I felt like giving up during my hospitalization,
I managed to scroll back through my smartphone's camera roll with my stiff hands and pulled up a photo of his notebook.

When I zoomed in and looked closely at the photo,
I saw that my grandfather had finished every meal every day until the day before he died.
He had also been regular with his bowel movements.

I cried.
I felt like my grandfather had taught me how to overcome these days.

I brought the food to my mouth and swallowed it while crying.
I repeated that over and over, and for the first time, I finished the whole meal.


I am the grandchild of a grandfather who returned from the brink of death many times.

The hospital plan was one the doctors said might be impossible.
Even so, I will be discharged as planned.
In the name of Grandpa.

In March

I am now back home, discharged as planned.
I have recovered enough to wonder what those four days of hell were all about.

Spending the four hardest days of my life, what I realized was
that I am supported by those around me.

It is not just my grandfather.
I was encouraged by the words and presence of my family, partner, workplace, and friends,
and many other people.

The lunar month of 'Yayoi,' which corresponds to March,
is said to mean the month when plants and trees finally grow thick.

For me, now that my illness has completely vanished,
I hope that a favorable wind of rebirth will blow upon me.

I participated in Komaki-sama's project!
Thank you very much for your support!