29-Year-Old Woman in Australia: The Tale of the 'Around-30 Wannabe with No Motivation'

I feel like it's been 100 million light-years since my last post.
Hello, it's Nomi.

It's been so long since I last posted that
I actually forgot how to post.
Anyway, long time no see (what number is this now?)

If I recall, my last post was at the beginning of the year. And this post is already well into the second half of the year.
I really think this conveys my personality to my readers. Well, I'll do my best at my own pace!

So, this time, the topic is about where on earth my motivation switch went...
How about all of you living abroad? Don't you have days where you lose your motivation? Not just days, but months, or even thinking, 'What is this, it's every single day...'
Even if someone says, 'Well, life is short, so you don't have time to be worrying!'
When you're feeling down, that's just how it is. I've started to accept that, and here is my life in Australia as a writer. I'm delivering this to you.
To everyone worrying about something. You've got a friend right here!

What is it that triggers such blue feelings...

I think it's common to have days where your mood doesn't lift, but
I started feeling down again because I was wondering why I'm depressed every day.
This isn't because I live abroad; it's just my fundamental personality. I think I've always been the type to get depressed easily.
Work not going well. Disagreeing with my partner I live with. 'What is this life with no sense of fulfillment!' 'Why am I doing manager-like things!' 'My hourly wage is only one dollar more than that girl who doesn't even work!' 'Why can't that person keep their promises!!!' 'Why am I so shy!!! (That one, I need to work on)'... and so on, there are various moments where I get depressed. Personally.

I sort of have an idea of the cause, or the root of why these worries feel so heavy,

It's probably that I stopped meeting people. And I stopped consulting anyone about anything at all.

Hmm. I stopped talking to people.
It's not like I have a ton of friends anyway, and

When I was in Japan, I had close friends around me, and
I had friends I could meet whenever I wanted to.
I would meet people, have them listen to my worries, get encouraged, and get empathy (←most important). Then, naturally, the worry would vanish, and it would shift to some trivial conversation.
I realize now that those days were actually so, so important.
I really understand that now... I miss my precious friends.

You might think, 'In this day and age, just have a video call!' but
I'm already 29, blink and you'll miss it. My friends have started families and are doing their own things, so that's become hard to do too. But I do it sometimes! When we call, we stay up all night (is that an outdated term?)

People are exhausting, but people are also what heal you—I feel like Hana Sugisaki said something like that. (I strongly agree. (Is that an outdated term? Second time)

An 'around-30' breaking limits by getting power from the youth

Even I, the writer, can feel happiness! Whenever I had free time, I've put my energy into sleeping. My sister says irresponsible things like, 'You can sleep forever when you're dead,' though that's not really my scene. From my perspective, sleeping, and even taking a nap, is a set. That is happiness. She just doesn't get it.

But it's good to have many ways to feel happy, right!
Before I knew it, my workplace was almost all young people... I'm just the one who got old.
Some are 17! (W-what is this radiance? It's too dazzling!)
There are people like that. But I really think it's a great environment where everyone, regardless of age, speaks their mind freely. I'm sure there are places like that in Japan too! The vitality of those young people, or rather, their overflowing power, is very stimulating.
That 17-year-old I mentioned earlier said, 'I'm going to start a company soon'...
'A COMPANY!!?'He said he has to work a lot and save money until then, so he's taking on another part-time job. I was moved to tears in so many ways.

A 19-year-old college girl, a 'gyaru.' She seems obsessed with K-pop dance. When music plays in the store, she says, 'I'm going to dance to this with my dance circle. We have a shoot.' Once again, I'm teary-eyed for my own youth that I can never return to.
Everyone is working hard, but they have clear goals, and they look like they're having fun and are happy.
It makes me want to have goals and work hard positively too.

Let's be grateful for the environment I'm in now. Let's do that.

Well, all things considered, I can eat properly, I have a place to sleep, and I have a job. I'm sure from the outside, people think, 'You have nothing to complain about, you're fine!' I thought maybe I'm not being grateful enough for my everyday life. Just as I miss my life in Japan now, I'm sure my current life will change someday,

'I was worrying about a lot of things back then, but I was happy.'

I, the writer, believe that a day will come when I think that.

Let's start by giving it a try. And let's try to find some trivial 'fun' things. Let's do that.

Worries will follow you forever. But I also think it's perfectly fine to worry about your worries to your heart's content. I believe that worries help people grow. The important thing, I think, is that if you try to find your own way to solve those worries, you can develop a better state of mind.
I myself have had days where I felt, 'This is probably depression, right?' and there were plenty of times when my precious days off just ended with me staring at my phone. (I literally didn't even do chores.) My partner, who I live with, would say to me, 'What's not fun for you?' or 'Why do you have such a sad look on your face?' and while I thought, 'That comment is just unnecessary, boo-hoo-hoo,' what he said was correct, and I think it was a statement that represented the opinions of those around me. After all, my colleagues were also telling me that I didn't seem like myself.

The days of having no motivation continued, and I went back to wandering the internet. I thought things like, 'This person really loves Snow Man,' when looking at my friend's Instagram stories, but when I think about it, being a fan is a respectable hobby. I also had a time back in high school when I was obsessed with AAA. I would listen to a lot of their songs, go to their concerts, and share happy times with other audience members who loved AAA. The days of going home after a concert talking to friends, saying things like, 'No! I don't want to go back to reality! Wait, I haven't done my English prep for tomorrow. I'm doomed,' were irreplaceable days.
I can't go back to those days, but I think that depending on how you look at things, you can find as many small happinesses as you want.
Like, 'Tomorrow, I'll try going to that cafe I've been curious about,' or 'Tomorrow, I'll try walking to work.' Just little things, you know.

I'm going to Melbourne for a change of pace! (All by myself

Summary.

Everyone, don't bottle things up too much, let's just take it easy~ (A very loose conclusion
Actually, I'm going to find a favorite idol too~!

Today's song (It's been a super long time)

Somehow, I ended up lost in thought more than I expected. It's emotional.
I'll include another emotional song.

Everyone, be happy, yo!
I'll do my best without giving up, yo!

Alright then, see you next time~
(Make sure you actually post it!)